Puddlefish
Not so new Member
so Im feeling a lil lost..... 3yrs ago i came out of a really bad long term relationship that near almost killed me, i met an awesome guy about 7 months ago, thought we would give something a go... start as a lil bit of fun.. see where it leads.....During this 7months he went to the uk for 3 of them,came back, stayed with me for 2, moved into his own place n then for the last month he has been away due to other commitments.. Ive told him that im falling in love with him... i did not receive the response i was hoping. It wasnt a bad one.. hes just a not at the same point with his feelings yet,n i can understand that. yesterday was my birthday, he rang to say hello, after i got off the phone i cried, cos i realised in the last 7months, ive spent 5 of them just missing him, and then i know when he gets back, he will go back to his place which is a good hrs drive, i work 5days a week 8hrs a day, so the possibilities of being able to see him as much as i like are pretty slim. I want to be happy im with this guy, not sad when im not.I just dont know how to do this whole relationship thing.So im thinking im not ready for another relationship. Im not ready to go through all the feelings of missing someone, crying on my pillow,arguments,not knowing if they feel the same way you do,or knowing that they dont.Im not embracing loving this guy, love it making me sad. love shouldnt do that.I just cant work out,if maybe i just know in my heart that this isnt going to work, or if im using my fears and insecurities of previous bad experiences as an excuse to run and hide,to not put the effort into a relationship that it takes to make something beautiful work, to leave him and not open my heart up to the possibility of having to feel these feelings, and the possibility of getting hurt. Should i really be putting myself through these emotions for someone who cant say they love me yet,but says they want to make it work?Im sure all these feelings are normal, im sure everyone has them, but i dont know how to change them so that loving this guy is a positive thing in my life not a negative.To change it so that loving this guy makes me happy, not overwhelmed with feelings of insecurities. I can only relate and look back on previous experiences,and previous feelings of love which ultimately gave me good reason to feel, and know, the negative aspects of loving someone:shock: