Having/Not having Kids

[Chris1]

your thoughts are exactly the same as mine,...but with me being female and turning 37 this year,..well, im running out of decision making time,..!
(but i really cant see myself liking kids, even if theyre my own!!)

with u being male and only 26 you have alot more years of fertillity and potential to be a dad,..so if youre not ready, it will only add stress to ur relationship.
you have years left to change your mind, then again, if i could be the dad not the mum i think id be a bit keenner, dads seem to get all the good bits and still have a life while mums get stuck looking after the buggers.


yep, im way too selfish, i think kids would be better off without me!

 

[Crystal..Discus]

The only way I'm ever having kids is if it's an accident. Even then, there's a very slim chance I'd carry to term. My parents were selfish, and had kids knowing full well that we (my siblings and I) would be carriers of some really nasty hereditary diseases. I find no reason to bring a child into the world who's just going to die young, or not realize they're living at all. (I consider it extremely selfish on the parents' part.)

When I first started going out with the man I am now, we discussed the issue and decided absolutely no children, which suits both of us perfectly. Besides, I have a goddaughter and that's good enough for me.:lol:

 

[saximus]

Yeah Chris a lot of the studies I've read, although they make relatively universal points, seem to be done for the female perspective almost like saying guys have it easy with or without kids.

 

[Colin]

yep, im way too selfish

me too :lol: and I find children repugnant anyways

 

[Karly]

Ha ha red ink your post is brilliant! Very clever I love it
My colleague's wife has just had a baby. Couldn't care less about seeing photos or having cuddles, but another colleague had a python climbing her front door last night and I couldn't wait to see the pics today!
Hmm... yep, I think I should stick to cold blooded babies....

 

[Chris1]

oh, i didnt mean it like that, more that guys dont have a time limit fertility wise, and having watched so many of my female friends have such a hard time dealing with their new lives,...while their guys are still at the pub every friday sat and sunday, work, drinks after work, etc, all that changes for them is less disposable income and something that looks happy to see them when they get home from work,...!!
alot of my female friends were so keen fro kids too,...and still had a hell of a time adjusting,...

 

[damoztishfank]

Ok some of you know me some don't i am 27 and have had 2 kids, I do not that i regret them but now i have them i have found im not the father i feel i should be too them,.....I provide everything a parent should but at times......i dispise them it causes great drama with my parents and partner (i have a short fuse and no patience).....i love them and will always be there for them....but if i had the choice over things would be alot different!!!

 

[Sezzzzzzzzz]

oh, i didnt mean it like that, more that guys dont have a time limit fertility wise, and having watched so many of my female friends have such a hard time dealing with their new lives,...while their guys are still at the pub every friday sat and sunday, work, drinks after work, etc, all that changes for them is less disposable income and something that looks happy to see them when they get home from work,...!!
alot of my female friends were so keen fro kids too,...and still had a hell of a time adjusting,...

chris that is so so true. i went through/ am still going through the same thing, 2 yrs down the track. hubby can do as he pleases, but my life has changed totally.

Ok some of you know me some don't i am 27 and have had 2 kids, I do not that i regret them but now i have them i have found im not the father i feel i should be too them,.....I provide everything a parent should but at times......i dispise them it causes great drama with my parents and partner (i have a short fuse and no patience).....i love them and will always be there for them....but if i had the choice over things would be alot different!!!

i think everyone despises their kids at 1 time or the other hun. we all do the best we can.

 

[saximus]

Thanks for the honesty Damo. This is exactly what I worry would happen.

 

[damoztishfank]

Hey Sax, Don't get me wrong you may feel entirely different......just for a ****s and giggles..... got to bed at 11pm (replicating a time you would actually get a child to sleep)set you alarm for 3 times a night and each time it goes off......strip ya bed and remake it......and then set it once more for 5am and get up and dress yaself i.e (shower and clothes) then undress re-shower and re-dress( giving you an idea of dressing another person)...... this hopefully would give you an idea of the nightly chores a parent would do....

if you can do this easily for one night.......do it for a week if thats easy try a month..........

I have 3 kids and at times our kids will be sick,wet the bed or just wake up and not want to go back to sleep.......not to mention my son finds it amusing to poke me in the eyes at 5-6am to wake me up and scream i want breakfast.....

 

[guzzo]

Hey Mate, I was like you....I had many crazy adventures and I was 38 when we had our boy ........the adventures cut back to almost non existant and i swapped my bow and arrows and fishing rod for a pack of nappies and some wipes.....

In that time I re discovered reptiles and re ignited my passion in this hobby...... I am 41 this year and he is almost 3 and guess what.....the adventures have started again but this time I have a little buddy...who knows my 4 snakes by name and loves going out in the boat.

This year we will go camping and fishing again...no looking back.......It was very good for me and the two and a bit years have taught me a lot and i think I am a better person for it.....I sure as hell respect what my parents did for me a lot more now than two and a bit years ago.

Anyhow the Guzzo take on baby's .(only my opinion)...baby's are boring and demanding and sometimes smell.....but at about 18 mnths plus they are crazy fun....would not swap it ....

And for the 18 mnths when I was restricted I learnt that though I may not have control over how the wind blows I can adjust my sails.....

Besides Sax you are still young and the fact that you have not just rushed into it and have given this such thought makes me think you would probably make a great dad...all the best with whatever you decide.

 

[Sezzzzzzzzz]

Hey Mate, I was like you....I had many crazy adventures and I was 38 when we had our boy ........the adventures cut back to almost non existant and i swapped my bow and arrows and fishing rod for a pack of nappies and some wipes.....

In that time I re discovered reptiles and re ignited my passion in this hobby...... I am 41 this year and he is almost 3 and guess what.....the adventures have started again but this time I have a little buddy...who knows my 4 snakes by name and loves going out in the boat.

This year we will go camping and fishing again...no looking back.......It was very good for me and the two and a bit years have taught me a lot and i think I am a better person for it.....I sure as hell respect what my parents did for me a lot more now than two and a bit years ago.

Anyhow the Guzzo take on baby's .(only my opinion)...baby's are boring and demanding and sometimes smell.....but at about 18 mnths plus they are crazy fun....would not swap it ....

And for the 18 mnths when I was restricted I learnt that though I may not have control over how the wind blows I can adjust my sails.....

Besides Sax you are still young and the fact that you have not just rushed into it and have given this such thought makes me think you would probably make a great dad...all the best with whatever you decide.

its beautiful to hear a father talking about his child like you do guzzo.

 

[guzzo]

its beautiful to hear a father talking about his child like you do guzzo.

Thanks, the other thing is that Christmas was starting to get dull but spending a Christmas eve with a small child and seeing the excitement in a kids face on Christmas morning is worth more that all the things I could ever by myself.

 

[Sezzzzzzzzz]

so true! my 2 1/2 yr old is starting to get excited about easter and its awesome watching her!

 

[fugawi]

Saximus...I don't know where you got the idea that life ends when you have a kid, in fact the complete opposite, life starts when you have a kid. I could write pages of stuff on how wonderous it is to be a parent but will stick with just your fears on being a parent.
Dreads and piercings...To your kid, you are just dad, they will probably ask why doesn't their friends dad have dreads and piercings, you are the normal one.
Herps....my son loves them and wants us to get more. Where are the restrictions?
Diving...Again, where are the restrictions? When they are old enough they can come with you.
All your fears are fears that every parent has. My parents weren't there for me but that means that I make a conscious effort to be there for MY child.
At the bottom you have a quote, "Knowledge- The one thing you can give away freely while still keeping for yourself", who better to give that knowledge but to your own child.
At the end of the day, it should be a decision between you and your partner, be totally honest with each other. Whatever decision you make doesn't have to be final, you can still have a kid within the next 20yrs or so. We live in a free country, it's a time of peace, there is no reason not to bring a child into this world. Only knowing you from your posts, I think you would make a great dad. Just remember ALL parents are scared and don't think they will be good parents and we all make mistakes. It's how we deal with them that makes us good parents.
Whatever decision you make, it will be the best decision for you and your partner right now, but don't wait till you are ready, you will never truly be ready.....no parent is.

Just thought I would give you the other side.

 

[LippyM]

I'm 38 and have NEVER, not once, not even for a second wanted to have kids! Nor has my husband. We've been married nearly 20 years.

I think if you're thinking about it means you haven't made up your mind yet. And if you don't out and out dislike kids then they'll probably be in your future.

The fact thay you're considering it means you're open to the idea.
If you out and out didn't want them you'd know. You might change your mind in the future but for now you'd know now if you didn't want them.

On one hand you've got plenty of time but if your girl wants them then you have to be ready with a response!

Most people with kids will say it's great to have them and most people who voluntarily don't have them will say it's great not to have them.

I'm glad I've got the age where people don't tell me I'll change my mind.
I'd be a rich person if I had a buck for every time some smug so and so told me I'd change my mind

 

[hrafna]

hey mate, you need to do what is best for you, nobody can sit here and say yes you need to have kids. because at the end of the day you know what is best for you, not me, not the guy down the street. i will say this though, life doesn't have to end because you have a kid, with an understanding partner you can work things out for your own personal time to do what you want to do! now i won't lie, i have issues with my family (father, and other relos) and yes it isn't always smooth sailing with my wife, but at the end of the day i have 2 little kids who love me no matter what. and no matter what is going on in life i love them more than anything, but this is the right thing for me, maybe not you. now while i have 2 kids to look after i still do archery occasionally, i still teach medieval sword fighting, i still do acting and i have time to do my photography. it can be daunting thinking before a kid arrives that now you have lost your freedom, but that is only the case if you let it be! you know how to contact me if you wanna discuss furthur. at the end of the day it is a big choice, but it is YOUR choice.

 

[J-A-X]

In the end it will be up to you to decide, and you've got lots of threads to say ' I didn't want them but once they arrived........ '

If you do decide that kids aren't your cup of tea then stick to it. they're not for everyone and power to you for thinking ahead, and no one has the right to judge you for our decision.

I have several friends who have made a choice to remain childless, it doesnt mean they are selfish or hate kids, they just prefer not to have 'live in' kids.

 

[Tinky]

Love my kids.

Having said that the divorce proceedures would be a lot simpler without them.

Could never recomend marriage to a male.

The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults – PETER DE VRIES

 

[saximus]

Wow I go to lunch for an hour and come back to so much reading . Thank you all very much for taking the time to provide such well thought out responses. I love this community for allowing me access to so many different points of view and sources of experience. This is definitely not a decision I'm taking lightly and I guess like you all say, there's still time. It's just one of those things that's been playing on my mind since it came up and one that I felt I needed to seriously decide on before we consider taking the relationship to another level.