Dont enter if you dont want to help with a romantic crisis!

[CrystalMoon]

Ok.... have had a whirlwind romance, have even been proposed to(divorce needs to dry first)
I have severe trust/rejection issues..... not about fidelity but about all the touchy emotional stuff
and on how wantable I am(long story, too messy) Now I am sooo quick to think the worst and let
fly at will without thinking things through....this drives me nuts and my wanna be partners into
confusion. Latest problem, I went into melt down cause new guy deleted his fb profile(had good
reason, as it turns out) I took it as him fleeing taking my fragile heart with him.... Sooooo I have
not only said some pretty evil, viperous and plain nasty things to him(via the only email addy I had)
because we are on 7 hour difference time zones, and he is out on patrol at any time of the day/night
it can be 24-36 hours before we have contact again.... I also sent an equally vicious message to
his best friend...........ooohhhh I knowwwww I am cooked, however I have apologised profusely
to both offered to do anything except push-ups as amends/punishment(could go a good frisking)
My delima is, normally I am rational and sensible(sort of) and such a happy person. I need ideas
on how to a)stop becoming an emotional tsunami hell bent on destruction b)Get past afore mentioned
issues(strategies) c)How do I go about explaining to Man of the species that I am not really unstable
I just need patience? with out going into a full blown history(hate that)

Fellow APS'rs I really need your help cause I dont have a family base I can chat to and ask
and my Bestest friend has darnwell gone on holidays(she is gonna kill me)

Yours disasterously
Crystal

UPDATE:- Well it is now 2.42 am here 7.42pm there in Iraq My Captain is home safe and sound
from patrol. And I have mangaged to avert disaster for now..... all is well on the home front
This is one very relieved and happy Crystal signing out
till tomorrow... thanx to you my cyber Family you have all been a huge help XXXX
C

 

[Banjo]

Hi Crystalmoon, This is only my male opinion. Be honest and upfront with guy and yourself, if you need time you should take it to mend yourself so you can give it 100%, as relationships are 100% from both people and built on trust.

 

[Nighthawk]

All I can say is be honest, even if you have to think about the gentlest way to do it. I used to be so bad when I first met my husband, and I still have outbursts occasionally, but what I do now before I react to ANYTHING big is to take a deep breath and sit on it overnight. It works a treat, trust me.
And to play on an awful stereotype, if I really don't want to go into details with my man I just tell him I'm hormonal

 

[CrystalMoon]

Thanx, I guess I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I am great with honesty, just not the sitting on my hands so they dont
type evil thingsssss LOL Banjo, I definately need time to heal properly and have expressed that. I havent said yes, just
a maybe till I am 110% sure. I am just sooo not wanting to stuff this one up too.....
C xxxx

 

[MSD Reptiles]

Bloody facebook... its the devil. It seriously is. I recommend deleting facebook and doing things the old fashion way i.e. Phone or letters (email is equally suitable). I got rid of my facebook years ago and it was the best thing i ever did.

I know its hard in the heat of the moment, but its always best to take a big deep breath and really think about things before reacting. Its better to regret not doing something rather than regret doing the wrong thing. Plus you can always address something later on.... but you cant take it back once its happened.

Im sorry to hear that things havent worked out for you. The important thing is not to rush or to try making something that it isnt i.e. by that i mean just because sparks fly doesnt mean that the fire is going to start and burn forever. Ive seen people all too often meet someone and then try and force the relationship even though its just not suited.

Feel free to PM

 

[Smithers]

Seriously Girlfriend You need to start batting for the other team

 

[shellfisch]

Seriously Girlfriend You need to start batting for the other team

Nah, girl fights are worse

 

[CrystalMoon]

Seriously Girlfriend You need to start batting for the other team

B... there was this one time at...eerrrr never mind ROFLMFAO
what can I say...I just absolutely adore Men xxxx
C lol

 

[Smithers]

B... there was this one time at...eerrrr never mind ROFLMFAO
what can I say...I just absolutely adore Men xxxx
C lol

I hear ya

 

[Snakeluvver2]

That is such a girl thing to do (sorry if that offends anyone...not really)
Just explain to him.
Don't be annoyed if he's in a crappy mood for a few days.
He'll come around if he's really worth it.

 

[Danger_Mouse]

Nah, girl fights are worse

Throw in a pool filled with Jelly and it'd be interesting then

 

[najanaja]

First thing you have to do is love yourself again..

there is your first problem,

then you have to build a new realationship on 100% honesty, with the both of you,
you have to be honest with yourself and your partner from day one and put it all on the table,,
if you clear the air from the start it gives both of you the option of continuation if you think its worth it?
and it also sort of justifys any outbreaks that may arise, you know the emotional state each of you may be in,
so this may alow others to see your reasons easier for the outbreaks, and atleast see it more from your side and your reasons behind the outbreaks.

This is alot easier to do from the start, he may be good enough to see your reasons now, but if he knew all the details of your trust issues from day one,
once the air cools he may be reasonable enough of a man to realize what brought you to your insanity

 

[CrystalMoon]

First thing you have to do is love yourself again..

there is your first problem,

then you have to build a new realationship on 100% honesty, with the both of you,
you have to be honest with yourself and your partner from day one and put it all on the table,,
if you clear the air from the start it gives both of you the option of continuation if you think its worth it?
and it also sort of justifys any outbreaks that may arise, you know the emotional state each of you may be in,
so this may alow others to see your reasons easier for the outbreaks, and atleast see it more from your side and your reasons behind the outbreaks.

This is alot easier to do from the start, he may be good enough to see your reasons now, but if he knew all the details of your trust issues from day one,
once the air cools he may be reasonable enough of a man to realize what brought you to your insanity

He says he has forgiven my momentary lapse in sanity...as the poor fellow was heading out on patrol(I feel horrid, I am adding to his pressure) I am sooo wanting to not put either of us through any more of these emotional hoops.... I really appreciate all of the input from my APS family(aaawww group hug)and I am definately going to take a lot of this on board. It is so much easier to advise and help others with problems, I have felt so helpless with my own. So again thanx every-one
Crystal xxx

 

[bigfella77]

Wow, So your saying that is not the normal female response. You may be my wifes long lost sister.

 

[kitten_pheonix]

.. Slight side track. A 7 hour time difference? Where does he live/work?

 

[Crystal..Discus]

I think the most important thing to do in a relationship is to learn how to bicker like children

It allows for all the little unsaid things that annoy you to come out in a neutral way, so the "big" things don't seem like such a big pink elephant in the room. Stirring each other up (playfully and not all the time, I should add) is good for relieving tension.

Also learn to take a breath and walk AWAY from the computer when something like that happens. Sleep on it. Wake up, take yourself out for some eggs benedict with mani/pedi afterwards, then come home and compose a response and get a friend to check it (clarify the guidelines before hand, e.g, no nastiness/name calling.)

We've all been there before, if we like to admit it or not :lol:

 

[CrystalMoon]

.. Slight side track. A 7 hour time difference? Where does he live/work?

He is a Captain in the 75th US Rangers stationed over in Iraq

 

[Morgwynn]

Just remember to take a step back sometimes, and definitely take some more time for yourself. Don't over analyze your relationship or your partner - you'll just stress yourself out.

Everyone is giving you fantastic advice, but I'll add one more thing: Long distance relationships are difficult. You need to be able to communicate honestly and know where you both stand, otherwise it's just going to fall apart. It's really hard not being able to be face to face and reading body language, and not being able to be physical isn't easy either, if you're the sort of person who needs that. So the communication has to be able to make up for all that. Hope that makes sense.

I really hope things work out for you with this bloke!

 

[CrystalMoon]

Just remember to take a step back sometimes, and definitely take some more time for yourself. Don't over analyze your relationship or your partner - you'll just stress yourself out.

Everyone is giving you fantastic advice, but I'll add one more thing: Long distance relationships are difficult. You need to be able to communicate honestly and know where you both stand, otherwise it's just going to fall apart. It's really hard not being able to be face to face and reading body language, and not being able to be physical isn't easy either, if you're the sort of person who needs that. So the communication has to be able to make up for all that. Hope that makes sense.

I really hope things work out for you with this bloke!

You have hit the nail on the head about the distance being difficult.... It is very hard to communicate effectively when you dont see body language or hear vocal tone. We can only try, and both feel it is worth the effort. Tom's tour of duty is nearing to an end so we dont have too long to last (if I can control my waspish tongue/fingers) I can say though in all honesty it has been my doing lately as to why relationships fail, and will only have myself to blame if this one falls by the wayside...... He is about 6 years older and has a quiet calm in dealing with me(even when telling me off) so mostly handles me in an effective way....I can be difficult though *sighs*

 

[Morgwynn]

Hey, maybe he's into feisty ladies, at least you aren't boring! And if you're both willing to work for it and put in the hard yards, that's the best you can do! It'll be worth it, if you can keep it going until you can be together.

And don't blame yourself if it doesn't work out, it won't get you anywhere. It happens! There will always be other chances, and opportunities pop up in the most unexpected places. Hell, I met my current boyfriend because of an offhand comment made in one of the threads you made right here on APS. (So thank youuuu!) Never would have predicted that one. :lol: