need to vent. i apologize in advance

[nagini-baby]

lol its a diagnosed eye condition, i have prescription sunnies. they have a welders tint and are quite dark. but as they told me we were going to a restruant for lunch i didnt wear a hat and hence i couldnt barely see

Try some 85% Polarising sunnies, will make a huge difference.

 

[Tsubakai]

Some people just cannot stand to see others happy and will do everything they can to drag you down to their miserable level of existence. I found that once I recognised this I tended to feel more empathy towards them and found their crap easier to ignore. It didn't mean that I suddenly liked them but I realised what a sad, lonely life they had.

The main thing to remember is you can't change other people's behaviour, only your own responses to their behaviour. For me that meant I withdrew (socially) from the negative influences in my life and refused to get involved unless it was completely on my own terms.

 

[Wookie]

Chin up and bear it IMO. No need to have a falling out over something so insignificant. It's not like you see her every day right? Everybody has their faults. I'm sure she is just saying what she feels will benefit you. Shes your parent, they're meant to annoy you.

 

[Nighthawk]

My mother got like that when she was beginning to go through menopause. Just sayin'. It's all well and good to say that it's a myth, just like PMS, but my mother went completely doolally for years before her body calmed down.
She still has bad days, but nowhere like as bad as she did.

 

[gandal88]

well i have the same problem except its my dad and mother in law she is "unbalanced" and on meds when she takes them she is great when she doesnt its a different story so if she comes around and she hasnt taken them i simply stand up say lu its time for you to leave you have overstayed your welcome ill see you in a few days when you have taken your meds a few days later its all sweet but god she can be a right **** when she misses her pills my dad was the sam e always something eventually i just started saying is this what you want to talk about he would say yep i would say good bye and open the door after this for a yr or 2 he got the idea now i have a very good relationship with my dad. my advice just say mum you can leave now and come back when your going to be nice or be nice now and stay then give her 5-10 sec to think about it then ask how have you been lately depending on the answer either the couch or the door.

just my 2 cents. chin up

 

[Jungle_Freak]

ok so basically since i moved out of home at 19 my mother has been steadily getting more and more frustrating with every visit. if shes not complaining about the dogs, its the reptiles ( why did you buy another bla bla bla ) its not like we put buying animals or anything like that before our bills, we have just brought our first house and the mortgage is paid every fortnight all the bills are up to date never had an overdue bill ever!. we dont go out and party, and rarely go out for dinner or the movies, as far as im concerned we are justified to spend our hard earnt money on whatever the hell we want.

but none the less every visit. she must find SOMETHING to complain about. wether its the dog hair on the carpet. or the yard. (that gets mowed weekly) or the animals or something. hell tonight it was even my freaking lipstick.. like ***?

and then has the nerve to say im the ungratful, rude and selfish person. im sorry but i dont appreciate ANYONE continuously pointing out the negatives in my life. ive worked damn hard to be at a place where im happy and if you cant be happy for me then i dont see why you want to be around here in the first place..

i told her about my 21st party ect and to ask the rest of the fam if they wanted to come as i and they work odd hours and they see her alot more often than i do. so she says they arent interested. so i didnt sent them invites and then she has the hide to say they were complaining they werent invited! and that she never said that... ffs im soo over this. also since they "werent invited " they put on a stupid bbq the weekend before my party like yea lets have a bbq at the beach where i find it really hard to see. gee thanks.. nice day pity i couldnt see a freaking thing.

im impressed if you read the whole thing.
i no i sound ungrateful but im seriously fed up. this has been going on for 3 years. i love my mum but seriously where do you draw the line?

If i was you I would have a very direct talk with your mother ,
be as nice as possible but if she refuses to respect your opinion then you need to stand your ground .
She needs to respect your choices in life.
Good luck.

Roger

@ Snakes123

Sounds like this person has gone to a lot of trouble to belittle you to others.
I would do the same to him .

 

[Kristy_07]

How about you try a little bit of diplomatic honesty?

Next time she's whinging, just say, "Hey Mum, I appreciate your suggestions, but actually, let's talk about something a bit more positive? When you give me all these suggestions about how to run my household, I feel like you're criticising me, and it upsets me. Let's talk about *insert interesting conversational topic* instead."

Then whenever she does it you can say, "Hey Mum, let's talk about such-and-such instead," and she'll know what going through your mind. It's a softer way to make your point than starting some huge confrontation with your own mum.

 

[graphitebeans]

If you'd like to continue your relationship with her, but you don't want her crap anymore, maybe meet her somewhere not at home. Meet her at a coffee shop, cafe, or go for a walk. Get out of the environment that makes you unhappy.



Cat

 

[Dragonwolf]

My mum and I had virtually no contact for nearly 18 years over exactly this type of issue.... she was very critical and I was very reactive. When we reconnected many years later the same pattern emerged and I was devastated that after all that time we hadn't moved forward into an adult relationship. During one particularly prickly visit I snapped. I stated to her that I loved her and valued her opinion but I was also over 40yrs old and had been successfully running my own life for too many years to accept being treated like a child. Long story but the outcome was that we achieved a workable equilibrium over time. Sadly I only had her with me for just over 2 more years before she passed.
There are a lot of good suggestions from these people - find something that works for you so that you don't lose precious time.

 

[nagini-baby]

i like this one... might try it.. cheers kristy

How about you try a little bit of diplomatic honesty?

Next time she's whinging, just say, "Hey Mum, I appreciate your suggestions, but actually, let's talk about something a bit more positive? When you give me all these suggestions about how to run my household, I feel like you're criticising me, and it upsets me. Let's talk about *insert interesting conversational topic* instead."

Then whenever she does it you can say, "Hey Mum, let's talk about such-and-such instead," and she'll know what going through your mind. It's a softer way to make your point than starting some huge confrontation with your own mum.