do i just report him

[El_Lagarto]

Interesting. I have never seen anyone prosecuted for that and from reading that legislation it would be almost very difficult to get a conviction (with the right legal advice). Trying to prove that somone 'believes' one thing or another is virtually impossible.

Making it on offence is theoretically a good deterrent though.

 

[waruikazi]

Interesting. I have never seen anyone prosecuted for that and from reading that legislation it would be almost very difficult to get a conviction (with the right legal advice). Trying to prove that somone 'believes' one thing or another is virtually impossible.

Making it on offence is theoretically a good deterrent though.

Well it's not the kind of legislation that i automatically think of how to avoid getting prosecuted for lol.

 

[atothej09]

It is unfortunate what you went through, but its labels like 'stupid' that make women more inclined to stay. I am far from being stupid, i never in my life thought i would end up being a victim of abuse, let alone staying for as long as i did! Domestic Violence is a very complicated form of abuse, & even the smartest of women can fall victim to it! 3yrs after the fact, i still attend court regulary with my ex, & its the feeling of standing in a court room being told that you are stupid for staying that scares most women from taking the steps necessary!
While i can look back now & call myself stupid, i can sit & ask myself a million times 'why did u stay'.......i dont believe others have any right to call names or to pass judgement, as i said, it is a very complicated form of abuse, & it CAN happen to anyone!

I know that in my case, nothing anyone says can make me feel more stupid then i already do.......& sometimes without releasing certain comments hurt very deeply!

I am glad you made the choice to leave him and take action, good for you.
My comments are directed towards the women who scream for help, then turn on the helper. This happens ALLOT.
My actions took place two days after the shooting of two men in the city (Melbourne) that went to the aid of a woman in a taxi. Many people may remember that, one man died, a father of two and husband.
A week after my incident, I spotted another couple across the street arguing. She was being pushed up against a fence by the throat. Just as me and a mate of mine decided to cross the street to help her out, she hugged him and walked off hand in hand. I almost made the same mistake twice.
I find it very hard to feel sympathy for these types of women. Women want a nice man, but they're the ones you give no time to....and end up gravitating towards the a-holes. So I say, 'Good Luck To You'.

 

[El_Lagarto]

.

 

[waruikazi]

I am glad you made the choice to leave him and take action, good for you.
My comments are directed towards the women who scream for help, then turn on the helper. This happens ALLOT.
My actions took place two days after the shooting of two men in the city (Melbourne) that went to the aid of a woman in a taxi. Many people may remember that, one man died, a father of two and husband.
A week after my incident, I spotted another couple across the street arguing. She was being pushed up against a fence by the throat. Just as me and a mate of mine decided to cross the street to help her out, she hugged him and walked off hand in hand. I almost made the same mistake twice.
I find it very hard to feel sympathy for these types of women. Women want a nice man, but they're the ones you give no time to....and end up gravitating towards the a-holes. So I say, 'Good Luck To You'.

I agree with you. There are some women who just seem to be attracted to that kind of person.

I knew a lady like that. She was an utter nut job and couldn't be helped. She shacked up with a community man who's sisters laid into her and then he broke her eye socket. She made all the usual excuses, went to darwin for surgery to have it reconstructed. Then a week later he broke her nose! This was all in the first 2 or so months of them being together. Apparently she went from relationship to relationship with men like this.

We reported it to the local cops, they did what they could but she ended up running away to another community with him...

 

[Poggle]

Well it's not the kind of legislation that i automatically think of how to avoid getting prosecuted for lol.

Sometimes people get caught up in these actions, blaming themselves for being beatin, often the abuser is so manipulative, they are able to coherse the victim to believe they deserve it, therefore they wont report, wont give statements and wont leave. In my line of work i have seen this all to many times, what you can do is support them, help them realise they dont deserve it, show them positives out side of what they see. Abusive relationships become similar to a vault, the victim feels safer staying within then leaving, they need assistance to see the bigger picture. One of my work mentors said this to me. " a person who suffers from abuse often has a brain like a puzzle with a 1000 pieces, their brain often does not have the ability to see where all these pieces go. See your self as a table where they can of load some of these pieces to let them see more clearly and put the picture together."

 

[sesa-sayin]

before u do anything about reporting unlicenced herps...make sure u you have always been honest in all dealings in your own life...i apply this rule in my life, and so never report anyone about anything,,,,govt. has too much control over us , as it is.......the only reason common herps (, Not rare ones ), have to be licenced is to exercise control over us humans

 

[Bel03]

Sometimes people get caught up in these actions, blaming themselves for being beatin, often the abuser is so manipulative, they are able to coherse the victim to believe they deserve it, therefore they wont report, wont give statements and wont leave. In my line of work i have seen this all to many times, what you can do is support them, help them realise they dont deserve it, show them positives out side of what they see. Abusive relationships become similar to a vault, the victim feels safer staying within then leaving, they need assistance to see the bigger picture. One of my work mentors said this to me. " a person who suffers from abuse often has a brain like a puzzle with a 1000 pieces, their brain often does not have the ability to see where all these pieces go. See your self as a table where they can of load some of these pieces to let them see more clearly and put the picture together."

That is quite a good way of looking at it, cause while the brain may be in 'pieces', it IS still there! As i said, this is one form of abuse that is very hard for 'outsiders' to understand. These women, generally know what is right & what is wrong, i know i did, but depending on the level of violence & abuse they are putting up with, it can be very hard to 'figure' out how to go about getting out. In one way, my decision was made easier by the fact that i spent 3mnths in hospital, i had time away from him, & this is when i was able to make at least one right decision for me & my babies. By this point, i knew he would kill me if i went back.

I cant say i agree with the comment that some women 'like' it, & actually go 'looking for abusers'......imo it is more so that some women have been belittled & damaged so much that they feel this is the only life they will ever have......breaking cycles & routine is a very hard thing for some to do, but i dont think that means they like it!

I understand there are women & men for that matter that do enjoy a bit of pain etc, the whole whips & chains thing comes to mind......BUT domestic violence isnt a fetish!

 

[Poggle]

That is quite a good way of looking at it, cause while the brain may be in 'pieces', it IS still there! As i said, this is one form of abuse that is very hard for 'outsiders' to understand. These women, generally know what is right & what is wrong, i know i did, but depending on the level of violence & abuse they are putting up with, it can be very hard to 'figure' out how to go about getting out. In one way, my decision was made easier by the fact that i spent 3mnths in hospital, i had time away from him, & this is when i was able to make at least one right decision for me & my babies. By this point, i knew he would kill me if i went back.

I cant say i agree with the comment that some women 'like' it, & actually go 'looking for abusers'......imo it is more so that some women have been belittled & damaged so much that they feel this is the only life they will ever have......breaking cycles & routine is a very hard thing for some to do, but i dont think that means they like it!

I understand there are women & men for that matter that do enjoy a bit of pain etc, the whole whips & chains thing comes to mind......BUT domestic violence isnt a fetish!

I have been studying and working with ppl suffering now from DV for a while. Not just female but also male victims. One thing i know for sure is that 2 cases are never the same. But with DV often comes from exposure and a cycle of cruel repitition.

 

[AirCooled]

Unfortunately and sometimes stupidly domestic violence has to happen before its illegal.If he is a low dog that would abuse his girlfriend mentally,financially or especially physically this has to be a proven fact.I went through mental,financial and physical abuse from my ex,but because of her lies I was the bad guy.I would stand up and help any victim of any abuse,my father who was twice my size found that out when I was younger,he had my mother by the hair,only got one warning.What made it worse from him when I took him out,I am not a violent person,until its last option then hell breaks loose.Even the police that attended supported me while the ambulance took him away,no charges against me.

 

[crl94]

The woman has to want to help herself. Anybody have anyidea how much he gets fined per reptile, sorry if this has already been asked and answered, skipped to the end.

 

[akuji]

That is what I have found there is generally 6 stages to D.V they all involve mental abuse, we can say just tell her to leave but the best thing is to nurse them through the whole process which is just not getting to the police station where some people think that is the answer ot it. There is all the psychological help and relocating etc. I had a friend that was tragically killed in a D.V situation at Darwin there is so many varying factors.

 

[RichardBing]

My Missus beats me up whenever a new snake follows me home ...... someone should do something about that too

 

[Tildy]

Its the mentality that "those women are stupid, leave them alone" that keeps them in that cycle. There is usually extensive mental abuse before the physical shows up. Women stay because they believe they have no choice, or that they deserve no better. They get isolated from family and friends and the phone, car and money are often tightly controlled too. Abusers are master manipulators who get in the victim's head and stay there. It's an incredibly difficult situation to understand and an even more difficult one to navigate if you want to be of more help than harm. But to those who don't understand, labels like stupid, loser etc, do way more harm than good so please don't be so quick to judge.

 

[Fantazmic]

I work with women in family violence situations.

The best way I can describe it is the abuser takes the victim into a FOG.

A FOG of fear, obligation and guilt

Fear because they dont know what might happen......obligation, they ften feel obligated to stay with the abuser and the abuser makes sure of that....and guilt because invariably the abuser makes sure the victim blames themselves for the abuse and feels guilty about it.

These conflicting and confusing feelings become a FOG...and this prevents the victim for making the clear logical decisions we think and know they should make.

 

[Exotic_Doc]

I wasnt trying to say that going to the cop shop is the answer, or that mental abuse doesnt play a significant role. I didnt go into those details in my story although maybe i shouldve to draw a better picture. This girl's abuser was her father. What made this go on for so long was that he had total control and he would manipulate her into believing he controlled her going to school, going out with mates, her finances, and holidays. For example: He would belt her, then buy her things the next day. Or come home a week later with tickets to Bali etc.... And the very sad thing was he was getting away with it for a long time and this girl was traumatised without her realising to exactly what extent. I also skipped the part, that after the whole AVO fiasco my family provided her with constant support, with my old man playing the fatherly role and mum being her constant female support. Ongoing care and support were a major factor, luckily my family was able to step in and play that role...