Sense of humour - post your jokes to get everyone happy again
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freddy
Well-Known Member
tis not a joke but i reckon it waz funny
http://www.thefic.org/play.php?file_ID=000001190&PHPSESSID=519cbea58868ab3a326cb4f73b59979e
http://www.thefic.org/play.php?file_ID=000001190&PHPSESSID=519cbea58868ab3a326cb4f73b59979e
diamond_python
Very Well-Known Member
tis not a joke but i reckon it waz funny
http://www.thefic.org/play.php?file_ID=000001190&PHPSESSID=519cbea58868ab3a326cb4f73b59979e
true
. funnies, jokes, whatever. Just post them....
Lets see how long it takes someone to complain about this thread cos it is not reptile related
Snake Catcher Victoria
Almost Legendary
A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious".
Roland the class swot gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my
mum said it was contagious." "Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can
anyone else try?" Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My
grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious." "Well done,
Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?" Little Irish Patrick jumps up and
says in a broad accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with
a two-inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."
Roland the class swot gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my
mum said it was contagious." "Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can
anyone else try?" Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My
grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious." "Well done,
Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?" Little Irish Patrick jumps up and
says in a broad accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with
a two-inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."
buck
Well-Known Member
Well that's done it......
JandC_Reptiles
Very Well-Known Member
QUESTION: How do you keep a bunch of dimwitts in suspense?
ANSWER: ?
ANSWER: ?
diamond_python
Very Well-Known Member
They're great guys/gals, especially yours ssssssssssssssnakeman
Last edited:
jeramie85
Very Well-Known Member
haha
JandC
ive used that one a few times on people
JandC
ive used that one a few times on people
dee4
Very Well-Known Member
This is one of Moosenooses but I thought it needed a re run because I liked it so much.
A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and say he's sending a friend over to have a look at horse.
His buddy asks,"How will I recognize him?"
"That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
"A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly.
"Nithe lookin horth. Can I thee her ehth?"
So the guy picks up the modget and he gives the horses eye's the once over.
"Nithe eyeth, can I thee here earthz?"
So he picks up the little fella again, and shows him the horses ears.
"Nithe earthz, can I thee her mouth?"
The rancher is getting pretty peed off by this point, but he picks him again and shows him the horses mouth.
"Nithe mouth, can i thee her twat?"
Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under the arms and rams the midget''s head as far as he could up the midgets twat, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.
The midget gets to his feet, coughing and spluttering.
"Perhaps I should rephrase that, Can I thee her wun awound a widdle bit?"
A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and say he's sending a friend over to have a look at horse.
His buddy asks,"How will I recognize him?"
"That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
"A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly.
"Nithe lookin horth. Can I thee her ehth?"
So the guy picks up the modget and he gives the horses eye's the once over.
"Nithe eyeth, can I thee here earthz?"
So he picks up the little fella again, and shows him the horses ears.
"Nithe earthz, can I thee her mouth?"
The rancher is getting pretty peed off by this point, but he picks him again and shows him the horses mouth.
"Nithe mouth, can i thee her twat?"
Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under the arms and rams the midget''s head as far as he could up the midgets twat, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.
The midget gets to his feet, coughing and spluttering.
"Perhaps I should rephrase that, Can I thee her wun awound a widdle bit?"
theplantguys
Active Member
how many you want? i have pages of jokes, quote, quips etc. so many to choose from .......
lets start with
Deep thoughts for those who take life too seriously
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like...night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 per cent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria! They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments,
14. How many of you believe in psycho kinesis? Raise my hand.
15. O.K.....so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
lets start with
Deep thoughts for those who take life too seriously
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like...night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 per cent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria! They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments,
14. How many of you believe in psycho kinesis? Raise my hand.
15. O.K.....so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
theplantguys
Active Member
or how about,
some people are like slinkies, not good for anything but still make you smile when you push them down the stairs.
some people are like slinkies, not good for anything but still make you smile when you push them down the stairs.
diamond_python
Very Well-Known Member
It's not a matter of how many I want. It is for everyone to enjoy. The more the merrier
freddy
Well-Known Member
Serpant_Lady
Well-Known Member
A couple of good ones
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An
earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs,
the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband
replied, "in- laws"
Ok i have a really funny pic but it is a .bmp image not a .jpg... does anyone know how to change it...?
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An
earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs,
the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband
replied, "in- laws"
Ok i have a really funny pic but it is a .bmp image not a .jpg... does anyone know how to change it...?
Snake Catcher Victoria
Almost Legendary
Sorry in advance to any fundamentalists in the crowd
Jesus saves souls,,,,,,, and redeems them for cash and valuable prizes!!!
I found Jesus,,,,,,, he was behind the sofa the whole time.
Jesus loves you,,,,,,, but i'm his favourite. weg
Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and your mascara will run
Jesus saves souls,,,,,,, and redeems them for cash and valuable prizes!!!
I found Jesus,,,,,,, he was behind the sofa the whole time.
Jesus loves you,,,,,,, but i'm his favourite. weg
Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and your mascara will run
Chaos
Not so new Member
John and Jack
Two drunk men, John and Jack, are walking home from a bar one night.
On the way they see a dog in the middle of the footpath licking itself.
John sees the dog, turns to Jack and says "I really wish I could do that"
Jack gives him a strange look and replies "... i think you should probably pet him first"
Two drunk men, John and Jack, are walking home from a bar one night.
On the way they see a dog in the middle of the footpath licking itself.
John sees the dog, turns to Jack and says "I really wish I could do that"
Jack gives him a strange look and replies "... i think you should probably pet him first"
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