Why Men need Women!

[GreenWillow]

Women need men too!! How else am I going to get my light globes changed or the petrol put in my car? And without a man I would have to learn how to walk through doors. And I would eat every meal standing up

Thanks men!!

 

[IceTime]

Its about time you bloody admitted it!




Ha ha ha ha do you now have 2 black eyes?

No I'm still alive...my girl is at work... rest assured if I wasn't all talk I would be breathing and eating through a tube ....whilst out on the street...and its my place....

 

[Wrasse]

Fetching my beer...thats what you meant right? Mind you it might be all in the technique saying "here girl, here girl" whilst tapping my leg then proceeding to throw the empty in her general direction while shouting "FETCH!" doesn't really seem to be the best approach...

Of course it isn't, she will just keep bringing back the empty...

 

[IceTime]

uhh I mean *looks over shoulder* its all true...I AM MAN!!! there that should regain my manly self image...ahh someones coming...move along nothing to see here...

 

[Bryony]

uhh I mean *looks over shoulder* its all true...I AM MAN!!! there that should regain my manly self image...ahh someones coming...move along nothing to see here...

ha ha ha ha yeah right!

nice try tho!

 

[rubydimond]

this is not meant to rattle any nerves ok its just some thin i read on the wall of a dunny and laughed.

women are like a deck of cards
you need
a heart to love them
a diamond to marry them
a club to bash there brains in and
a spade to burry them with.

 

[rubydimond]

sorry dont know how to spell berry burry buery grrrrrrr darn pubic sorry public school

 

[Oxyuranus microlepid]

Ha ha ha ha do you now have 2 black eyes?

does he even have eyes? or just bleeding sockets? hehe im so evil and twisted....

 

[koubee]

 

[x_aussie_bloke_x]

I Dont get it lol...

 

[TrueBlue]

women are just jealous that they arnt men.

 

[croc_hunter_penny]

jealous? you mean glad :lol:

 

[Earthling]

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%!!! Its called wedding cake.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man, and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man have rested.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified. In read: "Wife Wanted" The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


What's worse than a male chauvinist pig? A women who won't do what she's told.

What do you call a woman who just lost 90% of her intelligence? Divorced.


:lol: :lol:

 

[Earthling]

One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."

"What’s the problem, Adam?" God replies.

"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I’m just not happy."

"Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens.

"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."

"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a ‘woman’ for you."

"What’s a ‘woman,’ Lord?"

"This ‘woman’ will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you," replies the heavenly voice.

"Sounds great."

"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."

"How much will this ‘woman’ cost me Lord?" Adam replies.

"She’ll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle."

Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam asks God, "Uh, what can I get for a rib?"

 

[Earthling]

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "BITCH!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

 

[snakeboy5000]

thats (no substituting in swear words please) funny as luv it classic

 

[jas468]

I like my women the way I like my coffee.


Ground up and in the freezer.

 

[noidea]

found this one thought it was funny and fitting for the site



Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"

As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.

He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"

The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"