Chinese Medicine

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by ShaunMorelia, Apr 20, 2010.

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  1. ShaunMorelia

    ShaunMorelia Power Seller Power Seller

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    Some funny Chinese Doctor funnies.

    Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
    A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it...don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product. Ice Cream even better – everything Cow eats in one package!

    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

    A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. All people who don’t drink unhappy – happy people live longer so drink more. Bottom up!

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

    A: Can't think of single one, sorry. More people killed running on street than lying on couch. My philosophy is: No pain...good!

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

    Q
    : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
    A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

    Q: What about food additives?

    A: You want to complain about something for free? If it added – must be better – like fuel additive!

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

    A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

    Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

    A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

    And remember:

    Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
     
  2. Cidden

    Cidden Not so new Member

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    LOL I like that one, it's a cack!!!!
     
  3. Robo1

    Robo1 Well-Known Member

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    I like that quote at the end
     
  4. slim6y

    slim6y Almost Legendary

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    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

    Whenever I had split up with a girl and a friend had said to me - "There's plenty more fish in the sea...."
    I'd remind them there's also plenty of whales too!
     
  5. syeph8

    syeph8 Very Well-Known Member

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    Yeah but please dont go hunting for any more whales slimy, its illegal in Aus ;)
     
  6. Gekambi

    Gekambi Well-Known Member

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    There are alot of dodgy ones of those but that lot was pretty good. The last end quote was good to.
     
  7. chondrogreen

    chondrogreen Suspended Banned

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    I reply with "thats good and all IF your not continuously getting the ones John West reject"
     
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