Disheartning and Devastating News

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Skelhorn, Dec 11, 2012.

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  1. Skelhorn

    Skelhorn Very Well-Known Member

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    Our best friends were meant to be celebrating the most joyous occasion in less than two weeks with the birth of their first child but in a couple of hours everything has changed.

    I got a call from my mate last night and was informed that the babies heart beat had stopped beating. His wife is 38 weeks and they were having a newyears baby.

    I've never been in the situation where a best friend loses their full term baby or any child for that matter, I can only imagine what they are going through and how tough the next day/s are going to be.

    As it was, it was a miricle they were able to fall pregnant with this one, and the baby was healthy the whole way through, never an issue. These people are the most deserving people and everything has been taken away last minute.

    We can only pray that by some miricle that the baby cry's when its birthed hopefully today but there does not seem much hope.
    Having to attened a funeral for a baby is going to be one of the hardest things I'll ever do and I am hoping that I will never have to do it again!
     
  2. Leasdraco

    Leasdraco Guest

    Thats so heartbreaking.your friends have my deepest condolences
     
  3. disintegratus

    disintegratus Very Well-Known Member

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    [HR][/HR]My condolences for your friends and yourself.
    It's a tough situation to be in for sure. Last year a friend of mine had a baby, as it got closer to term they knew there was something wrong with its heart, but didn't know the extent of it.
    Little tacker was around for about a week. I'm not a huge fan of babies myself, but that's got to be tough, pretty much as soon as he came out they found out it was far worse than they thought and had to start making funeral arrangements. They turned off the machine a week later.
    My mate was quite touched and surprised that I not only attended the funeral, but was mostly responsible for putting together a collection at work for him and his wife, we were going to arrange a holiday for them, but ended up giving them the cash so they could decide what to do with it and when, but we stipulated that it had to be something to help him and his family heal. His exact words were: "but I thought you hated babies." I said, "I do, but I like you, and you like babies, so I had to do the right thing."

    ETA: Just be as supportive as you can. If it's not a good outcome, it will take them time to heal, just be a good friend, and be there when they need you:) That's the best thing you can do.
     
  4. FAY

    FAY Guest

    I had a friend who's baby died 7 days before birth. Was strangled by the imbilical cord. They were devastated as you can imagine. Sadly, these things happen and we as their friends have to be there to support them.
     
  5. Sel

    Sel Very Well-Known Member

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    That is horrible news :( Cannot think of anything worse..
    A good friend of mine also lost her baby 3 weeks before birth.. same thing as with Fays friend.. he was strangled by the umbilical cord... the worst part is having to still go through labour and give birth.. :(
     
  6. Justdragons

    Justdragons Very Well-Known Member

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    That is so so sad to hear.. best of luck with everything.. :(
     
  7. Sezzzzzzzzz

    Sezzzzzzzzz Very Well-Known Member

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    a few tips: never ever tell them "these things happens", or "everything happens for a reason". I've lost a few babies and for some reason, people think that these are words of comfort.

    all you can really do is be there, even if you don't know what to say, give them a hug, give them a reason to get out of bed.

    Watch both of them for signs of depression, for me my depression hit a long time after the losses.

    My thoughts are with you at this horrible and devestating time.
     
  8. Umbral

    Umbral Very Well-Known Member

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    My thoughts are with them, I'm glad they have a friend like you that obviously cares a lot about them.
     
  9. hannah90

    hannah90 New Member

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    I would get them to get in contacted with a company called heartfelt. They r on Facebook. They really help with this horrible situations. They have helped a friend of mine who went thru the same thing.
     
  10. Skelhorn

    Skelhorn Very Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I have spoken to them only twice. Am keeping my "distance" as such as the last thing they need is to be hounded with questions.

    Its extremely sad and unfortunate. I agree with above...these things do not happen for a reason (I hate when people say they do) but my mate is obviously keeping strong for his wife so I have to be there for him.

    The hardedst part would be the birth. That was the most exciting time of my life when my daughter was born, and to have to go through that, know the result isn't going to be a happy one....would be so difficult :(
     
  11. CarpetPythons.com.au

    CarpetPythons.com.au Well-Known Member

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    My daughter is almost three weeks old. I could not even begin to imagine what they must be going through.
     
  12. borntobnude

    borntobnude Guest

    This is the saddest they will ever be and everyone reacts differently . ours was terminated at 22 weeks ,and i just wanted to sit around and drink ( i felt good for a few weeks ) ,but my wife asked 3 of our young nieces if they would like to go to the zoo --So we had a very trying , tiring and healing day at the zoo with 3 girls under 4 and babies everywhere .It worked and we regrouped and made two more eventually
     
  13. Sezzzzzzzzz

    Sezzzzzzzzz Very Well-Known Member

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    this is the most important thing you can do as men often get forgotten and are expected to be the strong ones
     
  14. MyMitchie

    MyMitchie Active Member

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    +1 Heartfelt. They take some unreal photos and create a lighter mood and the parents get to keep beautiful pictures of their child for the rest of their life. It isn't expensive either.

    I am so sorry for their loss, I couldn't think of anything worse than losing an child.
     
  15. Shaggz

    Shaggz Active Member

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    My heart goes out to your friend, I went through this 17 years ago when we lost one of our twin boys and it is something that I still think about just about everyday of my life. We were fortunate enough to have one remaining twin although it was touch and go for a couple of months which gave us something else to concentrate on and distract us from the pain of our loss. When we finally got our little boy home my partner suffered bad depression so then I had to be strong for her aswell as maintain a job where i was doing 12 hour shifts and look after our tiny newborn. Quite often people forget that us fathers go through the pain and emotions that are created by a life event like this and the support for us isn't there, Luckily for me I had a mate that was much like an earlier poster and didn't like children but he liked me enough to be there and be my support through the toughest time in my life. All you can do is be there if they need to talk even if you can't offer any advice and never under any circumstances tell them that these things happen for a reason or that you know what they are going through unless you have been in the exact same situation. Don't treat them like they are a lepper just because you feel like you need to say something and don't know what to say, they need people to treat them normal because they are still normal people they are just suffering at the moment. Don't tell them that things will get better with time, It doesn't get better but you do learn new ways to deal with your grief.

    Ok I think I have ranted long enough, Again my heart goes out to your friends at their time of loss
     
  16. Bluetongue1

    Bluetongue1 Guest

    That is truly tragic. May your friends find the strength they need to get through with the support and love of family and friends. Your journey with them will not be easy but just being there is what helps the healing hands of time weave their magic. You have my heartfelt sympathy.

    Blue
     
  17. Jacknife

    Jacknife Very Well-Known Member

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    Partner and I lost ours at 7 months earlier this year. I know someone said never say 'these things happen' as words of comfort, but it's a clinical fact that 10% of pregnancies end in miscarriage/stillbirth.

    Doesn't make it any bloody easier though I can tell you that.
     
  18. Skelhorn

    Skelhorn Very Well-Known Member

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    Cheers guys,

    I found out this morning at 1 am that they gave birth to their little princess. 5 pound 11 ounces. They really wanted a little princess, just not like this :( (they had kept the sex a suprise)
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2012
  19. Smithers

    Smithers Very Well-Known Member

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    Hugs to all of you suffering.
     
  20. KristenJ

    KristenJ Not so new Member

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    I am so so sorry to hear :'( I can't imagine what they are going through.
    My mum was in a car crash when she was pregnant with my little sister, she went to the hospital and they sent her home saying everything was all okay. Two days later she gave birth to a lifeless baby.
    I'm surprised to see how many of us are connected to a situation like this. It's horrible :(
     
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