Having/Not having Kids

[Megzz]

I wouldn't do it unless you want kids 100% ... It is a HUGE lifestyle change.

 

[NotoriouS]

Hey mate, just wanted to give you my personal experience (not advising what you should/shouldn't do).

I'm 25 and have a little girl. For me, she is the most precious treasure I have, there is nothing I wouldn't do for her. My life has change drastically since she was born. The day I brought her home, I sat up all ngiht and couldn't sleep because the 'responsibility' was sinking in.. I was responsible for a life now. I was scared throughout my wife's pregnancy that I wouldn't make a good father, that I was too careless, that I hadn't finished growing up myself! But here I am now, absolutely loving fatherhood. I still do everything I love and everything I used to do before I became a father. I take my little one out everyday after I get back home from work, read her books at night, and we sit and watch the football together. I still have time to pursue all my hobbies, go out with mates, workout, teach kickboxing, etc. And I can tell you one thing... no matter how bad my day is going, whatever crap I've had to put up with at work, arguments with the mrs, etc... just seeing my daughter's face smiling so brightly as I enter the door makes all my worries dissappear.

I hope that whatever decision you make, it works out best for you and your partner!

 

[AshMan]

Haha yeah I'm great with the ones who know me but generally stranger kids seem scared of the dreads and piercings. On numerous occasions I've heard "Mum why does that man have such long hair like a girl?"

Haha, know how you feel buddy. A fairly distant relative who we see quite often has a little girl and she is afraid of me, she calls me the "man girl" to her mum haha. Also, i was out wearing one of my more explicit cannibal corpse t shirts recently and i noticed the amount of young children looking at it with horrified expressions lol.

 

[hrafna]

my daughter when she was younger was scared of guys who didn't have long hair or goatees! few kids ask about the long hair but at my kids daycare most think i am an awesome dad, not only do we have a pet snake but they all think i am fun and i bring cool things for my kids show and tells. how many other dads dress up in full armour and do a talk on knights.

 

[AirCooled]

Its the hardest decision YOU will have to make.Unfortunately in current times it comes down to 2 completely different lifestyles with different ups and downs.I love kids but have none and so glad that my Ex was desexed.

 

[LullabyLizard]

I've always wanted kids I've got a whole book of baby names that I love! I plan on having four or more.

 

[mungus]

I dont have Kids..........
Wife is a school teacher and i think she see's enough of them at work.
I regret not having any though...........
1 of the very few regrets I have in life.

 

[harley0402]

I dont like other peoples children.......they annoy me.....but I like my own.....I have liked them at different times more than others if I am brutally honest....I think I like them a lot now....I started liking them when they hit mid teens (I have two boys) and now they are growing up they are becoming more and more interesting.

I have to say I could always change my own sons nappies....never bothered me...but I dont want to change anyone elses childs nappy if that makes sense.

It was very hard at the time.....especially financially...but hubby and I are glad we did it.

Remember your girlies call of nature will be stronger than yours as she has a limited time of fertility

We are now thinking that when the time comes we are going to really enjoy having grandchildren !!

Your post is so true, for me, I feel the exact same way. I found it really hard at first with my daughter, as in i wasnt real maternal. It didnt just come to me like everybody says. I warmed up to her in a way if that makes sense. I wouldnt change anything now and myself and my partner are planning our second. Then i think that will be it. Fingers crossed i dont have twins or something lol. Having a baby is hard and is alot of work but we are a happy family. It is a big decision to have a baby and one that should be made sure about.

 

[saximus]

Mungus you're the first one from that side of the argument with that point of view so thanks for adding that

 

[Renenet]

Interesting question, Saximus, and some interesting points of view. Personally, the idea of having children horrifies me. I can only communicate with young children on their level for so long before repeatedly bashing my head against a wall seems like more fun. Not to mention that I've got a bucketload of hobbies and interests that I don't think I could push aside for a child. Children need to be wanted and loved, and I just don't think I can provide that; nor do I feel like I'm emotionally or psychologically ready to bring up a little person.

On the other hand, I have a friend who was like me and never wanted children. She changed her mind a few years ago and now has a three-year-old she adores. Having said that, there are parts of bringing up a toddler she doesn't care for that can be summarised as tantrums and domestic drudgery.

I've noticed that a couple of dads have said that they were able to keep up their hobbies and interests. I'd like to hear from some mums on this point. Since one of my fears is that a baby/child will drown my own life, I'm genuinely curious about this.

 

[hrafna]

Interesting question, Saximus, and some interesting points of view. Personally, the idea of having children horrifies me. I can only communicate with young children on their level for so long before repeatedly bashing my head against a wall seems like more fun. Not to mention that I've got a bucketload of hobbies and interests that I don't think I could push aside for a child. Children need to be wanted and loved, and I just don't think I can provide that; nor do I feel like I'm emotionally or psychologically ready to bring up a little person.

On the other hand, I have a friend who was like me and never wanted children. She changed her mind a few years ago and now has a three-year-old she adores. Having said that, there are parts of bringing up a toddler she doesn't care for that can be summarised as tantrums and domestic drudgery.

I've noticed that a couple of dads have said that they were able to keep up their hobbies and interests. I'd like to hear from some mums on this point. Since one of my fears is that a baby/child will drown my own life, I'm genuinely curious about this.

my wife goes to the gym everyday of the week, she stills gets to go out to nightclubs or movies etc etc. and i can tell you that our kids are not neglected.

 

[saximus]

Yea Chris brought up a similar point earlier Renenet. Not saying anything about the guys here (I've actually met Fugawi and his son and I reckon Greg and Guzzo would make pretty awesome dads) but the stuff I've read says that most people fall into those "typical" gender roles even if they weren't like that before

 

[Sezzzzzzzzz]

Interesting question, Saximus, and some interesting points of view. Personally, the idea of having children horrifies me. I can only communicate with young children on their level for so long before repeatedly bashing my head against a wall seems like more fun. Not to mention that I've got a bucketload of hobbies and interests that I don't think I could push aside for a child. Children need to be wanted and loved, and I just don't think I can provide that; nor do I feel like I'm emotionally or psychologically ready to bring up a little person.

On the other hand, I have a friend who was like me and never wanted children. She changed her mind a few years ago and now has a three-year-old she adores. Having said that, there are parts of bringing up a toddler she doesn't care for that can be summarised as tantrums and domestic drudgery.

I've noticed that a couple of dads have said that they were able to keep up their hobbies and interests. I'd like to hear from some mums on this point. Since one of my fears is that a baby/child will drown my own life, I'm genuinely curious about this.

as a mum, you do seem to "sacrifice" more things than the man. (not that the following things are hobbies, but they are life...) I cant remember the last time i had a shower/bath by myself, when i went to the toilet alone. I get the rare night out, but hubby seems to get alot more. there are alot of other little things too, but at the end of the day, hearing your little one talk for the first time, seeing themwalk for the first time, kiss you, cuddle you, learn new things, all make it worth while. it is important that you try and retain some of "you" though. ask me on a really bad day with a hyper 2 year old and i will give you a totally different answer!!!!!

 

[hrafna]

as a mum, you do seem to "sacrifice" more things than the man. (not that the following things are hobbies, but they are life...) I cant remember the last time i had a shower/bath by myself, when i went to the toilet alone. I get the rare night out, but hubby seems to get alot more. there are alot of other little things too, but at the end of the day, hearing your little one talk for the first time, seeing themwalk for the first time, kiss you, cuddle you, learn new things, all make it worth while. it is important that you try and retain some of "you" though. ask me on a really bad day with a hyper 2 year old and i will give you a totally different answer!!!!!

i have to disagree here, sorry, because of my work conditions and those of my wife, i am more of the stay at home dad type of role. my wife gets alot more freedom to go out than i do. my daughter will quite often jump in the shower with me my son too! i do get what you are saying and i do agree, but i disagree that it is a woman only thing. i think it is more of a primary care giver thing!

 

[Sezzzzzzzzz]

i have to disagree here, sorry, because of my work conditions and those of my wife, i am more of the stay at home dad type of role. my wife gets alot more freedom to go out than i do. my daughter will quite often jump in the shower with me my son too! i do get what you are saying and i do agree, but i disagree that it is a woman only thing. i think it is more of a primary care giver thing!

that alone makes you the exception to the rule hun! i in no way want to take away from the job that you do by stating "as a mum" but as the stay at home parenmt, you know exactly what i mean!

 

[Renenet]

i think it is more of a primary care giver thing!

Agreed. It seems like a woman-only thing because, for various reasons, it's often the woman who ends up being the primary care-giver. Because it would probably be the same for me, I have to take that into account.

Hey, Saximus, are you any clearer now than you were?

 

[saximus]

Haha less clear if anything. Like I said I really appreciate all the input from both sides and I don't want someone to make the decision or me I just wanted experiences and opinions. So please keep going if you guys aren't over it yet.
I have one other question. For me, my intelligence is my only feature/trait that I can say I am proud of. It seems like if I were to create a little Saximus and screwed up somewhere along the line and didn't give it the best possible education I would feel guilty forever. I literally stay up at night thinking about my reps and rats and what I can do to better their lives. I can only imagine how much more this would be compounded with a person. Do you guys stress about what you're doing wrong/could be doing better in your kids' lives?
PS I'm not saying any of you are doing anything wrong but we could all be doing a better job somewhere, right?

 

[Sezzzzzzzzz]

Haha less clear if anything. Like I said I really appreciate all the input from both sides and I don't want someone to make the decision or me I just wanted experiences and opinions. So please keep going if you guys aren't over it yet.
I have one other question. For me, my intelligence is my only feature/trait that I can say I am proud of. It seems like if I were to create a little Saximus and screwed up somewhere along the line and didn't give it the best possible education I would feel guilty forever. I literally stay up at night thinking about my reps and rats and what I can do to better their lives. I can only imagine how much more this would be compounded with a person. Do you guys stress about what you're doing wrong/could be doing better in your kids' lives?
PS I'm not saying any of you are doing anything wrong but we could all be doing a better job somewhere, right?

Saximus, i had to start taking sleepers cos i was thinking all night bout what i was doing right or wrong . I worry that we dont have enough money to give Matilda everything i would like her to have. I worry that i am not disciplining her right. i worry bout all sorts of things. My mum, 32 years down the road, still stresses that she has done the wrong things and where she couldve done better. And yes you are right we could all be doing some things better. the trick is learning what to worry about! and to pick your battles. Worrying goes hand in hand with being a parent!

just hearing how much you think about things and think of your reps, it shows you are a caring person. Parenthood isnt something that you should enter lightly and obviously you arent.

 

[hugsta]

A couple of different posts have got me thinking this might be a good place to ask.
The last few years, it seems the older I get the less I want them. I know I'm only "young" but I know myself and I think I wouldn't be a good parent. I'm way too selfish, I enjoy being able to do what I want whenever I want and I'm a dirty capitalist who wants to have as much money as possible to spend on myself whenever I want.
I love my reptiles like children specifically because they don't beg for anything (one of my strange pet hates about children and other types of pet), they don't make noise and they live contented lives so long as I provide the basic requirements. After owning reps I can't imagine having to look after a "real" pet again let alone raising a whole person.
This may be a turning point in my six year relationship with my girl and I need to know if I'm making an intelligent decision given the evidence I have now.
So basically I just want to know how many of you have chosen not to have kids and do you regret this decision?

I haven't read any of this thread, can't really be bothered at the moment tbh....lol

I was very much like you saximus, never really wanted kids, but my wife did. I put it off for quite a few years until I decided I was being selfish. So we had 2 kids, and yes life does change, for the better. If I had my chance again I would have had kids earlier. They bring so much more to your life than you realise, and as much as they can be the biggest pain in your asss, they can be the funniest of people you have have ever met, completely innocent and untainted. To watch them grow and develop every day, to have them want to help when you are cleaning or feeding your animals along with anything and everything you do.....is just awesome. They bring back your child hood and give you excuses to do all the fun stuff you used to love to do, like riding a bike, getting the hose and having water fights, the simple things are now so much fun. Anyway, if it a mutual decsion to not have children then fair enough, but everyone I know that have made this decision have always regretted it, although some are not so vocal about and don't talk about it.
JMO anyway.

 

[pseudechis4740]

As a father of three (2 girls & a boy, aged 6 -9) I can honestly say they are well and truly worth it. Testing at times? YES. But when you see within them aspects of yourself such as an admiration of the natural world that you can nurture and encourage it gives you a belief that you can steer these young adults away from the nastier elements of society. We never planned to be parents but parenthood chose us and for those out there that this will happen to all I can say is to just adjust to the life changes and do the best you can. People who have everything at their disposal can still stuff up parenting up.