I had to do it.....

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Bryony, Sep 1, 2004.

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  1. NoOne

    NoOne Very Well-Known Member

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    I don't know which is more pathetic......you guys knowing the words or the fact that you actually typed them all out :roll:
     
  2. Fuscus

    Fuscus Power Seller Power Seller

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    This song is called Alice's Restaurant and it's about Alice, and the
    restaurant but Alices Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant,
    it's the name of the song, and that's why I called this song Alice's
    Restaurant.

    You can get anything you want at Alices Restaurant.
    You can get anything you want at Alices Restaurant.
    Walk right in it's around the back.
    Just a half a mile from the railroad track.
    You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant.

    Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago it's on two years ago on
    Thanksgiving when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the
    restaurant but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the
    church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray
    and Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell tower since they took out
    all the pews, they got a lot a room downstairs where the pews used to
    be in and havin all that room, seen as they took out all the pews,they
    decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage for a long
    time.
    We got up there found all the garbage, and we figured it'd be
    a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump.
    So we took the half a ton of garbage and put it in the back of
    a red VW microbus, took shovel's and rakes and implements of
    destruction and headed on toward the city dump. Well we got there and
    there was a big sign and a chain across saying closed on thanksgiving.
    We'd never heard of a dump closed on thanksgiving before, and with
    tears in our eyes we drove off into the sunset looking for another
    place to put the garbage.
    We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the
    side of the side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and at the
    bottom of the cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided
    one big pile is better than two little piles, and rather than bring
    that one up we decided to throw our's down.
    That's what we did, and drove back to the church, had a
    thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't
    get up until the next morning, when we got a phone call from officer
    Obie. Said "Kid, we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a
    half a ton of garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any
    information bout it". I said "Yes Sir Officer Obie, I cannot tell a
    lie, I put that envelope under that garbage."
    After speaking to Obie for about fourty-five minutes on the
    telephone we finally came to the truth of the matter and said that we
    had to go down and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and
    speak to him at the police officer's station, so we got in the red VW
    microbus with the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and
    headed on to the police officer's station.
    Now friends,there was only one or two things Obie could a done
    at the police station and the first was he could have given us a medal
    for being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't very
    likely,and we didn't expect it , and the other thing was he could have
    bawled us out and told us never to be see driving garbage about the
    vicinity again, which is what we expected, but when we got to the
    police officer's station there was a third possibility that we hadn't
    counted upon, and we was both imediately arrested, handcuffed, and I
    said "Obie, I don't think I can pick up the garbage with these
    handcuff on.". He said "Shutup kid. Get in the back of the patrol
    car".
    And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and
    drove to the quote 'Scene of the crime' unquote. I want tell you about
    the town of StockBridge Massachusets where this is all happen here,
    they got three stop signs,two police officers, and one police car, but
    when we got to the 'Scene of the crime' there was five police officers
    and three police cars , being the biggest crime of the last fifty
    years, and everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it.
    And they was using up all kinds of cop equipment they had hanging
    around the police officer's station.They was taking plastic tyre
    track, foot prints, dog smelling prints, and they took twenty seven
    eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a
    paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be
    used in evidence against us . They took picture's of the approach,
    the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not
    to mention the aerial photography.

    After the ordeal, we went back to the jail, Obie said he was going to
    put us in the cell said "Kid,I'm going to put you in the cell, I want
    your wallet and your belt." I said "Obie, I can understand you
    wanting my wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell , but
    why do you want my belt?" and he said "Kid,we don't want any
    hangings" I said "Obie , did you think I was goingto hang myself for
    littering" Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was, cause
    he took out the toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and
    drown, and he took out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars
    throw out the roll of toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll
    and have an escape.Obie was making sure, and it was about four or five
    hours later that Alice, (remember Alice? This is a song about Alice),
    Alice came by and with a few nasty words to Obie on the said , bailed
    us out of jail,and we went back to the church, had a another
    thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, and didn't get up until the
    next morning, when we all had to go to court.
    We walked in, sat down, Obie came in with the twenty seven
    eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a
    paragraph on the back of each one, sat down. Man came in said all
    rise. We stood up, and Obie stood up with the twenty seven
    eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures and the judge walked in sat down
    with the seeing eye dog,and he sat down, we sat down. Obie looked at
    the seeing eye dog, and then at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour
    glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back
    of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog.And then at twenty seven
    eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a
    paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry, cause Obie had
    cometo the realisation that this was a typical case of American blind
    justice,and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the judge
    wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
    photographs with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of
    each on explaining what each one was to be used in evidence against
    us. And we was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow,
    but thats not what I came to tell you about.

    Came to talk about the draft.

    We got a building down New York City,it's called Whitehall street Were
    you get injected, inspected, detected infected negleced and selected.
    I went down and got my physical examination one day, and I walked in
    sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so I looked and felt my
    best when I went in that morning. Cause I wanted to look like the all
    American kid from New York City, man I to feel like the , I wanted to
    _be_ the all American kid from New York, and I walked in and I was
    hungdown brungdown hungup and all kinds o' mean nasty ugly things.
    And I waked in and sat down and they gave me a pice of paper said
    "Kid, see the phsychiatrist, room 604"
    I went up there said "Shrink, I want to kill, I wanna I wanna
    kill.Kill. I wanna I wanna to see blood and gore and guts and veins in
    my teeth.Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, kill,KILL,KILL." and I
    started jumpin up and down yelling KILL KILL, and he started jumpin up
    and down with me and we was both jumping up and down yelling "KILL
    KILL".And the sargent came over pinned a medal on me, sent me down the
    hall, said "you're our boy".

    Didn't feel too good about it.

    Proceded on down the hall gettin all sorts of injections, inspections,
    detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to
    me at the thing there, and I was there two hours, three hours, four
    hours I was there for a long time going through all kind's of mean
    nasty ugly things and I was just having a tough time there and they
    was inspecting injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving
    no part untouched. Proceded through. And when I finally came to the
    see the last man,I walked in,walked in sat down after a whole big
    thing there, I walked up and said 'what do you want' "Kid, we ony got
    one question. Have you ever been arrested?"
    And I proceeded to tell him the story of Alices Restaurant
    Massacre,with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like
    that and suddenly he stoped me right there and said "Kid,did you ever
    go to court?".

    I proceeded to tell him the storyof the twentyseven
    eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and
    the paragraph on the back of each one, and he stoped me right there
    and said "Kid, I want you to go and sit down on that bench that says
    group W .... NOW kid!!".

    And I walked over to the bench there ,and theres group W, which is
    where they put you if you may not be _moral_ enough to join the army
    after committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean
    nasty ugly looking people on the bench there.Mother Rapers. Father
    Stabbers. Father Rapers! Father Rapers sitting right there on the
    bench next to me! And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible
    crime-type guys sitting bench next to me. And the meanest nastyest
    uglyest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to
    me and he was mean 'n' nasty 'n' ugly 'n' horrible and all kind of
    things and he sat down next to me and said "Kid, what ya get?". I
    said "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the
    garbage.". He said "What were you arrested for?". and I said
    "Littering". And they all moved away from me on the bench there,and a
    hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I said "And
    creating a nusance.". They all came back, shook my hand, and we had a
    great time on the bench, talkin about crime,mother stabbing, father
    raping all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the
    bench.And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds
    of things, until the sargent came over, had some paper in his hand
    said.

    "Kids,this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-lines
    we-wanna-know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-all-the-things
    you-gotta-say-things-about-the-crime-arresting-officer's-name-all-the
    things-you-gotta-say", and talked for fourty-five minutes and nobody
    understood a word that he said, but we had fun filling out the form
    and playing with the pencils on the bench there, and I filled out the
    massacre with the four part harmony, wrote it down there, just like it
    was, and I put down the pencil,and turned over the piece of paper, and
    there there on the other side.
    In the middle of the other side.
    Away from everything else on the other side.
    In parentheses.
    Capital letters.
    Quotated.
    Read the following words :
    "Kid, have you rehabilitated yourself?"


    I went over to the the sargent said "Sargent,you got a lot a
    damn gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean I'm
    just sittin here, sittin on the group W bench cause you want to know
    if I'm _moral_ enough join the army to burn women kids houses and
    villages after bein a litterbug.". He looked at me said "Kid,we don't
    like your kind , and we're gonna send you fingerprints off to
    Washington.".
    And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little
    folder, is a study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the
    only reason I'm singing you this song now is cause you may know
    somebody in a similar situation, or _you_ may be in a similar
    situation,and if your in a situation like that there's only one thing
    you can do and that's walk into the shrink whereever you are ,just
    walk in say "Shrink, You can get anything you want, at Alice's
    restaurant.". And walk out. You know,if one person, just one person
    does it they may think he's really sick and won't take him. And if
    two people, two people do it, in harmony, they may think they're both
    faggots and they won't take either of them. And three people , three
    , can you imagine, three people walking in sing a bar of Alice's
    Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an organization. And
    can you imagine fifty people a day,I said fifty people a day walking
    in sing a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. And friends they
    may thinks it's a movement.

    And that's what it is , the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacre
    Movement, and all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it
    come's around on the guitar.

    With feeling.
    So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and
    sing it when it does. Here it comes.


    You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant.
    You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant.
    Walk right in it's around the back,
    Just a half a mile from the railroad track,
    You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant.

    That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff you got
    to sing loud.

    I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I
    could sing it for another twenty five minutes. I'm not proud...
    ... or tired.

    So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part
    harmony and feeling.

    We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing.

    All right now.
    You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
    "excepting Alice"
    You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
    Walk right in it's around the back,
    Just a half a mile from the railroad track,
    You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
    At Alice's Restaurant.
     
  3. instar

    instar Suspended Banned

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    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!! There somewheres to sleep at Alices Restaurant? :lol:
     
  4. Bryony

    Bryony Very Well-Known Member

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    sorry matey but that was a bit too long for me to read............
     
  5. Guest

    Guest Guest

    FFS People!!! :roll: :roll:
     
  6. Bryony

    Bryony Very Well-Known Member

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    oh brodes, you jealous cause your toooooo young to know these?
    oh poor boobi ;)
     
  7. Guest

    Guest Guest

    are you talking to me Nanna? oops, I meant Bry...sorry :p
     
  8. Fuscus

    Fuscus Power Seller Power Seller

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    Sorry Guys, I forgot to take into account some peoples attention span. :)
     
  9. Guest

    Guest Guest

    "this heres a story of a man named Jed" blah blah blah i wish they all were dead.....
     
  10. moosenoose

    moosenoose Legendary

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    I can't remember! :roll:
     
  11. soulweaver

    soulweaver Suspended Banned

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    G>F>A>C AFRO!!
    Dance your cares away
    Worry's for another day
    Let the music play
    Down at Fraggle Rock
    Work your cares away
    Dancing's for another day
    Let the Fraggles play
    We're Gobo Mokey Wembley Boober Red
    Dance your cares away
    Worry's for another day
    Let the music play
    Down at Fraggle Rock
     
  12. ozherpconservation

    ozherpconservation Active Member

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    Bryony I'm going to have to track you down and kill you! My fiance decided to print the lyrics to the oompa loompa and sing it to me for the last 24 hours. Oh the pain! I can't wait to go to work tomorrow!

    Daniel
     
  13. Nicole

    Nicole Very Well-Known Member

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    Yay Fraggle Rock! Go Soulweaver you good thing LOL :)
     
  14. soulweaver

    soulweaver Suspended Banned

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    G>F>A>C AFRO!!
    phew, for a minute there i thought i was the only one who knew fraggle rock!! :)
     
  15. RAZZA

    RAZZA Well-Known Member

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    Thanks fuscus.. i like that song..was great used to have the ep...

    cheers
     
  16. RAZZA

    RAZZA Well-Known Member

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    bry.. there is a re-make of that moving being done now..

    johnny depp is down to play willy wonka

    cheers
     
  17. Fuscus

    Fuscus Power Seller Power Seller

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    Its available on cheap CD, and has the motor syckle song too.
     
  18. RAZZA

    RAZZA Well-Known Member

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    fuscy.. thanks man i'll have to track it down.. my now ex bro-inlaw loved it more then me.. lol

    cheers
     
  19. _popp_

    _popp_ Well-Known Member

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    :p Hey razza i have heard the same bout charlie & the choc factory remake aswell,what i heard was that marylin manson was trying out for willy wonka but was guaranteed slugworth lol.So have they started filming yet & if so is manson slugworth?


    cheers popp :p
     
  20. trader

    trader Very Well-Known Member

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    :D I am impressed with all the lil nursery rhymes and songs you have put up on this forum Soulweaver (and everyone else)! Obviously you were sung to alot when you were younger?? :wink:

    Fraggle Rock, yes fond memories of watching it with the children many years ago...*sigh*

    Cheers, Jude Say hello to cute lil Zoe for me please.... :wink:
     
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