The APS Daily Laugh

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by snakeluvver, Jan 30, 2011.

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  1. snakeluvver

    snakeluvver Very Well-Known Member

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    Sorry if this has been done before, but I thought it would be fun to make a thread where people can post anything that happened to them, any funny news articles or videos they've seen, or just anything that gave them a good laugh! This thread can be something to read if you've had a hard day and need to be cheered up :D Heres a few to start it off:


    These are things that people actually said in court, word for word.

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    Q: How old is your son-the one living with you.
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.

    Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
    A: After the accident?
    Q: Before the accident.
    A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
    A: Yes.
    Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
    A: Yes, sir.
    Q: What did she say?
    A: What disco am I at?

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

    Q: Did he kill you?

    Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

    Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

    Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?

    Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

    Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
    A: I went to Europe, Sir.
    Q: And you took your new wife?

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    Q: Doctor, before you signed the death certificate, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you signed the certificate?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. But now that you mention it, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2011
  2. dreamkiller

    dreamkiller Subscriber Subscriber

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    lol, i like the last one...
     
  3. krusty

    krusty Almost Legendary

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    lol,lol.they where all great,thanks.
     
  4. RedEyeGirl

    RedEyeGirl Very Well-Known Member

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    lol lol lol Love that last one!!!
     
  5. Trouble

    Trouble Very Well-Known Member

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    hahahaha :lol::lol: thanks for the laugh!!
     
  6. GSXR_Boy

    GSXR_Boy Very Well-Known Member

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    These are from
    a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are

    things people actually said in court, word for
    word, taken down and now
    published by court
    reporters that had the torment of staying calm while

    these exchanges were actually taking place.

    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____


    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis,
    does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
    memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget?
    Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

    ____________ _________ _________ _________
    ____


    ATTORNEY:
    Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    ____________
    _________ ____ ___________


    ATTORNEY:
    The youngest son, the twenty-year- old, how old is he?

    WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

    ____________
    _________ _________ _________ ____


    ATTORNEY:
    Were you present when your picture was taken?

    WITNESS: Are you sh

    *
    tting
    me?

    ____________
    _________ _________ _________ __


    ATTORNEY:
    So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing
    at that time?
    WITNESS: Getting laid

    ____________
    _________ _________ _________ _____


    ATTORNEY:
    She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.

    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    W ITNESS : Your
    Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
    new attorney?

    ____________
    _________ _________ _________ _____


    ATTORNEY:
    How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By
    death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
    terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a
    guess.

    ____________
    _________ _________ _________ _____


    ATTORNEY:
    Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was
    about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was
    this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus
    was in town I'm going with male.


    ____________
    _________ _________ _______


    ATTORNEY:
    Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
    deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to
    work.


    ____________
    _________ _________ ________


    ATTORNEY:
    Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
    dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put
    up too much of a fight.

     
  7. Snakewoman

    Snakewoman Very Well-Known Member

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    MEDICAL BLOOPERS ON MEDICAL CHARTS!


    • The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
    • The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
    • Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
    • She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
    • The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
    • Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)
    • Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
    • A midsystolic ejaculation murmur heard over the mitral area.
    • The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

    • Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
    • She is numb from her toes down.
    • Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
    • The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.
    • When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
    • Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
    • She has no rigors or chills but her husband says she was very hot in bed last night.
    • She can't get pregnant with her husband, so I will work her up.
    • Whilst in Casualty she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
    • The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.
    • On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
    • The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
    • I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.
    • Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing

    • I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
    • The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
    • Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
    • The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
    • Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
    • The patient has no past history of suicides.
    • The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
    • Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
    • Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
    • The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

    • She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
    • The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
    • Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.
    • He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.
    • By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling much better.
    • The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.
    • The patient refused an autopsy.
    • Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.
    • The bugs that grew out of her urine were cultured in the Casualty and are not available. I WILL FIND THEM!!!
    • The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.
    Bloopers - Funny Medical Mistakes! - The Doctors Lounge(TM)
     
  8. nagini-baby

    nagini-baby Very Well-Known Member

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    [video=youtube;qrGonXStDu8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrGonXStDu8[/video]

    smart dog... i love "who farted?"
     
  9. MrFireStorm

    MrFireStorm Active Member

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    Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.
    ----------------------------
    Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.
    Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
    Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
    ----------------------------
    Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
    1. The DNA all matches.
    2. There are no dental records.
     
  10. Defective

    Defective Very Well-Known Member

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    here's some funny medical ones.

    1.Artery - The study of paintings.
    2.Barium - What Doctors do when patients die.
    3.Caesarean Section - A neighbourhood in Rome.
    4.Cauterize - Made eye contact with her.
    5.Colic - A sheep dog.
    6.Dilate - To live long.
    7.Enema - Not a friend.
    8.Fibula - A small lie.
    9.Genital - Not a Jew.
    10.Impotent - Distinguished, well known.
    11.Labour Pain - Getting hurt at work.
    12.Morbid - A higher offer.
    13.Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates.
    15.14.Node - Was aware of.
    16.Outpatient - A person who has fainted.
    17.Post Operative - Letter carrier.
    18.Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery.
    19.Seizure - Roman Emperor.
    20.Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport.
    21.Urine - Opposite of 'you're out'.

    Some Benefits of Alzheimer's Disease

    -You never watch repeats on television.
    -You are always meeting new people.
    -You don't have to remember the complaints of your spouse.
    -You can hide your own Easter eggs.
    -Mysteries are always interesting.

    hope you like them :)
     
  11. Snakewoman

    Snakewoman Very Well-Known Member

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    Accident Reports
    Accident insurance claim forms ask for a brief statement about how the accident happened. The combination of the finger pointing instinct and the small spaces provided on the forms can lead to some curiously phrased explanations.

    Car Accidents:
    "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."

    "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

    "I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."
    • "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
    • "I thought my window was down; but found it was up when I put my hand through it."
    • "No one was to blame for the accident, but it never would have happened if the other driver had been alert."
    • "The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him."
    • "I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car."
    • "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
    • "I was taking my canary to the hospital. It got loose in the car and flew out the window. The next thing I saw was his rear end, and there was a crash."
    • "I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner when it was struck by the other car in the same place where it had been struck several times before."
    • "The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."
    • "The accident happened when the right door of a car came around the corner without giving a signal."
    • "I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
    • "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprung up, obscuring my vision."
    • "I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
    • "I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."
    • "I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull."
    • "My wench slipped, losing my balance, and I hurt my back."
    • "I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."
    • "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."
    • "The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."
    • "When I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."
    • "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."
    • "In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
    • "My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
    • "As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."
    • "The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end."
    • "A truck backed though my windshield and into my wife's face."
    • "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment."
    • "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
    • "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished."
    Other Accidents:

    "My finger hit the band saw, damaging it."

    Insurance Form Anecdotes:


    In France, not very long ago, the forms used for notifying insurers of accident, illness, or pregnancy were based on the same mold. Consequently, expectant mothers were asked, "Was the accident caused by some third party?" Invariably, the answer was, "No, only by my husband."

    Things People Said: Car Accident Reports
     
  12. Redtailed

    Redtailed Suspended Banned

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    That dog is awesome nagini
     
  13. REPTILIAN-KMAN

    REPTILIAN-KMAN Well-Known Member

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    • have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
      (see Human Teeth)
    • The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
    • Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the sensors so they don't know you're there.
    • No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
    • Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
    • You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
    • Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
    • The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
    • A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
      (see Jet Airliners)
    • Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
      (see The Solar System)
    • Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
    • The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
    • Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
    • The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
    • Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
    • All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.
      (see U.S. Presidents)
    • Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
    • Pearls melt in vinegar.
    • Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second? William Jefferson Clinton.
    • Turtles can breathe through their butts.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    1. Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) was born on and died on days when Halley’s Comet
    can be seen. During his life he predicted that he would die when it could be seen.
    2. US Dollar bills are made out of cotton and linen.
    3. The “57″ on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of pickle types the

    company once had.
    4. Americans are responsible for about 1/5 of the world’s garbage annually. On
    average, that’s 3 pounds a day per person.
    5. Giraffes and rats can last longer without water than camels.
    6. Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every two weeks so that it doesn’t

    digest itself.
    7. 98% of all murders and rapes are by a close family member or friend of the victim.
    8. A B-25 bomber crashed into the 79th floor of the Empire State Building on July 28,

    1945.
    9. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.
    10. The dot over the letter “i” is called a tittle.
    11. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down

    continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
    12. Benjamin Franklin was the fifth in a series of the youngest son of the youngest
    son.
    13. Triskaidekaphobia means fear of the number 13. Paraskevidekatriaphobia means
    fear of Friday the 13th (which occurs one to three times a year). In Italy, 17 is
    considered an unlucky number. In Japan, 4 is considered an unlucky number.

    14. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
    15. All the chemicals in a human body combined are worth about 6.25 euro (if sold
    separately).
    16. In ancient Rome, when a man testified in court he would swear on his testicles.
    17. The ZIP in “ZIP code” means Zoning Improvement Plan.
    18. Coca-Cola contained Coca (whose active ingredient is cocaine) from 1885 to 1903.
    19. A “2 by 4″ is really 1 1/2 by 3 1/2.
    20. It’s estimated that at any one time around 0.7% of the world’s population is
    drunk.
    21. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades
    = David ; Clubs = Alexander the Great ; Hearts = Charlemagne ; Diamonds = Caesar
    22. 40% of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
    23. Every person, including identical twins, has a unique eye and tongue print along

    with their finger print.
    24. The “spot” on the 7-Up logo comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was an
    albino.
    25. 315 entries in Webster’s 1996 dictionary were misspelled.
    26. The “save” icon in Microsoft Office programs shows a floppy disk with the shutter

    on backwards.
    27. Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin both married their first cousins (Elsa
    Löwenthal and Emma Wedgewood respectively).
    28. Camel’s have three eyelids.
    29. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents every day.
    30. John Wilkes Booth’s brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln’s son.
    31. Warren Beatty and Shirley McLaine are brother and sister.
    32. Chocolate can kill dogs; it directly affects their heart and nervous system.
    33. Daniel Boone hated coonskin caps.
    34. Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be

    soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.
    35. 55.1% of all US prisoners are in prison for drug offenses.
    36. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
    37. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark’s stomach from

    underneath, causing the shark to explode.
    38. Dr. Seuss pronounced his name “soyce”.
    39. Slugs have four noses.
    40. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
     
  14. D3pro

    D3pro Very Well-Known Member

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    If you get caught sleeping on your desk at work, don't panic.... Just slowly lift your head and say these exact words:
    "...trough Jesus Christ, Amen."


    ;)
     
  15. MrFireStorm

    MrFireStorm Active Member

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    9 of the top 20 serial killers in the United States, ranked by body count, are known by three names.

    EG.
    Lee Harvey Oswald
    James Earl Ray
    John Wilkes Booth
    Mark David Chapman
    Gary Leon Ridgway
    John Wayne Gacy
    Paul John Knowles

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their
    soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few
    shelves set up.

    One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior is going to
    walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

    No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a
    curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice
    asked, "What are you selling here?"

    One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ***-holes."

    Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "Must be doing well.....
    only two left."
     
  16. Titanic_Boa

    Titanic_Boa Not so new Member

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    HELLO, OPERATOR! Actual call center conversations!

    Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1200 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'

    Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'

    Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'

    Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    Samsung Electronics

    Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

    Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'

    Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'

    Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    RAC Motoring Services

    Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?'

    Operator: 'Does the product name give you a clue?'

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )

    'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Directory Enquiries

    Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'

    Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'

    Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

    Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'

    Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland .'

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'

    Customer: 'OK.'

    Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'

    Customer: 'No.'

    Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'

    Customer: 'No.'

    Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this

    point?'

    Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can

    you see the 'OK' button displayed?'

    Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

    Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.

    (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

    Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

    Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

    Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'

    Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

    Operator: 'Went away?'

    Caller: 'They disappeared'

    Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

    Caller: 'Nothing.'

    Operator: 'Nothing??'

    Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

    Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

    Caller: 'How do I tell?'

    Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'

    Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'

    Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

    Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

    Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

    Caller: 'What's a monitor?'

    Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that

    tells you when it's on?'

    Caller: 'I don't know.'

    Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

    Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'

    Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

    Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

    Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '

    Caller: 'No.'

    Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'

    Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'

    Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'

    Caller: 'I can't reach.'

    Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'

    Caller: 'No.'

    Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'

    Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'

    Operator: 'Dark?'

    Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'

    Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'

    Caller: 'I can't.'

    Operator: 'No? Why not?'

    Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'

    Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?'

    Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

    Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'

    Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'

    Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

    Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'

    Operator: 'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'
     
  17. Trouble

    Trouble Very Well-Known Member

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    :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: loved that last one! thanks for the laugh, Titanic_Boa! :lol:
     
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