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Sel

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I know this has been posted before somewhere, but it makes me laugh everytime i read it. Men are so clueless..haha

Rules That Guys Wish Girls Knew

1. Sometimes we just don't want to talk. Don't take it personally.
2. We notice other women because we are men and we are alive. This does not mean we're planning to dump you and jump them
. 3. Our favorite T-shirts are not "disgraceful." They show our loyalty to our college, our favorite sports team, our favorite beer, our favorite vacation or number 23.
4. Helpless is not cute.
5. Get to the point.
6. Understand that men are single-minded and can only do one thing at a time. So don't talk to us while we're doing something. We will either ignore you, because we don't hear you "honestly), or we'll screw up what we're doing because you've distracted us.
Exception to Rule 6. Interrupt us if something is on fire, if someone needs immediate medical attention, if Pamela Lee is on TV or if there is an emergency that needs a hero.
7. You can't complain that there are no good guys around while some of us are still single.
8. If you ask us, "Do you think she's prettier then me?" we just might say, "Yes." Then what are you going to do?
9. Don't expect even a great relationship with us to solve all your problems. Just because we love you, doesn't mean your cellulite, your credit card debt or your bad mood will disappear.
10. We would not wear high heels to impress you.
11. Breathe occasionally so we can get a word in.
12. For us, driving is not just a means of going from point A to point B. It's an opportunity to control a couple of tons of steel. We drive, therefore, we are.
13. If you want us to notice something, help us out by saying something like, "I went to the beauty shop today."
14. If you have to have a cat, at least don't call him "Mister" anything.
15. Hide the self help books when we come over. They make us nervous.
16. We need to vegetate.
17. We don't go shopping. When we need something, we buy it.
18. We believe our bodily functions are perfectly normal and, at times, quite amusing.
19. We don't believe you when you say money isn't important to you.
20. When we see pictures of Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones we feel proud and happy to be men. We don't care if it's not fair.
21. It's not that we don't want to make you happy, it's just that sometimes, we don't know how.
22. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
23. If it itches, it will be scratched.
24. If you ask a question you don't really want an answer to, expect an answer you didn't want to hear.
25. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
26. Don't ask us what were thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss topis such as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
27. Sundays equals sports. Period.
28. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
29. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
30. You have enough clothes.
31. You have too many shoes.
32. Crying is blackmail.
33. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
34. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
35. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar you know we check.
36. We're not mind readers and we never will be. OUr lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
37. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair - out of 30 - would look good with your dress?

38. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
39. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
40. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
41. Check your oil.
42. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
43. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together.
44. It doesn't matter which quiz.
45. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
46. If you won't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like the soap opera guys.
47. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
48. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
49. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
50. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
51. If you wear a Wonderbra and a low-cut blouse, you lose the right to complain about having your boobs stared at.
52. Our relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
53. Men see a limited number of colors, like Windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
54. Ditto melon.
55. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing is wrong.
 
LMAO I've seen it before but my god who ever wrote that is right on the money :p
 
hehe, my hand is up, lol,..

that was great! ive seen a shorter version before but obviously still had lots to learn.

(and im so embarrassed i call my beardy MISTER hotman!!)
 
you have no idea how much controversy this caused when i posted this on my facebook lol.
:p
 
so old, but so often forgoten,
i'm printing these for my lissus

and laminating it.
 
56. We will explain the rules of any game once only. Questions and interuptions will not be seen as a sign of interest.
57. We will not explain off side in soccer. Studdies have shown that females rarly understand even after years of study.
58. Women invented fuzzy logic. Men invented binary, we apreciate limited options.
59. For you underwear can be sexy, (see unused) or functional. For us it is optional.
60. We will worry if you spend more time in the shower than we do on the toilet.
61. No the magazines that we read do not need many words. Any words that appear in our magazines are simple explanations, or to fill in the spaces between pictures.
62. We dont want to provide input into purchasing of soft furnishings.
63. We dont want input into purchasing of lawn mowers
64. If your mother called, she will call back, regardless of if we remember to pass the message on.
65. Don't take us to your work function. Even with free beer they are less interesting than the weather girl.
66. We dont want you to come to our work function. However if you could pick us up when we are legless, it is apreciated.
67. when you pick us up from work functions try to look a bit sexy.
68. When you pick us up from work functions try not to look too sexy.
69. Do not expect us to be mechanical geniuses at 11.00 on christmas eve. Understand that we may have difficulty in assembling bikes, trampolines, and swing sets.
70. No we do not want the instructions.
71. Do not attempt to read instructions to us.
72. We love our gadgets, especially the remote.
73. From 7 to 16 we can program, set and adjust any gadget in the house.
74. From 17 to 29 we can operate anything that we own
75. From 30 to 37 we will attenpt to fix any gadget that breaks, (in our oun time), and said gadget may be spectacularly destroyed in the attempt.
76. Fixing things is an all or nothing affair.
77. After 38 we will not fix anything, nor will we be able to program, set, adjust anything new.
78. Learn to invite your nepher aged between 7 to 16 over to program, set, adjust any gadget purchased, prefferably, (for us and him) when we are not home.
79. We will monitor the lawn and decide when is the appropriate time top mow, based on a complecated set of factors, known only to us. So do not ask us if we thing that the lawn needs a trim.
80. We can go from anything to horny faster than you can change your mind.
81. $600 for a new rod & reel that we will use four or five times a year, is a bargain.
82. $50 for a new doona cover is money that could have been better spent.
83. Our rod & reel will be used more than any piece of exercise equipment that you buy.
84. The stuff on infomercials is crap. We understand that women ignore this universal law.
85. You say we would get more lovin if we did more housework. How about you give us the extra lovin and we will see how we go with the extra housework.


Yes I am married.
No I will not get any lovin if Mrs Tinky reads this.
 
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