Abusive Parents.

[naledge]

I'm looking for a bit of advice if you guys can spare it.

My girlfriend has disgusting parents, they're divorced and she lives with her mum, but they're as bad as each other.

They don't get physical much, but once is enough, and god knows it's been more than once.
Recently she suffered a bloody nose and dislocated finger, as well as a punch in the stomach and having her face smashed into the tile floor. All from her mum.

I want to help, but I don't know what to do. She can't live with her dad because she pressed charges against him once for assault, I doubt child protective services would allow it. And she can't move out, she's not old enough.

Her mum's verbal and mental abuse is worse than the physical abuse though, wont go into details.

The worst part is, she's a kindergarten teacher.

This needs to stop, I just don't know what to do, every time I see the woman I want to kill her.

What can I do?

Sorry if this thread's a little heavy or inappropriate for the forum.

 

[JoshMVG]

How old is ur girlfriend?

 

[naledge]

How old is ur girlfriend?

She's fifteen, I know people will think that's a bit weird, but it's only two and a half years haha.

 

[Kersten]

That's some pretty intense stuff to deal with right there.

The Department of Children's Services would be a good place to start. Not sure if that's what it's called there, but it will have a similar name. I know it may sound patronising, but LifeLine, or Kids LifeLine are fantastic to call for contacts that your friend can call to help her figure out where to go. Although she may not be old enough to live on her own, there are organisations everywhere that help kids in her situation, and it's obviously a much better option than continuing in her current circumsances or living on the street.

Good luck with it, I hope this works out for her.

Edit: Has she any family members that know her situation she can appeal to for help? They may not know her circumstances, perhaps if they were told they would be willing to take her in. Or maybe your family?

 

[billiemay]

Charge her mother as well then go from there. Can you really not move out if you're 15?

 

[naledge]

That's some pretty intense stuff to deal with right there.

The Department of Children's Services would be a good place to start. Not sure if that's what it's called there, but it will have a similar name. I know it may sound patronising, but LifeLine, or Kids LifeLine are fantastic to call for contacts that your friend can call to help her figure out where to go. Although she may not be old enough to live on her own, there ae organisations everywhere that help kids in her situation, and it's obviously a much better option than continuing in her current circumsances or living on the street.

Good luck with it, I hope this works out for her.

Yeah that's the problem, no matter what happens she's not going to live with foster parents or anything. Her mother's very manipulative. And she barely even talks to me about it, it'd take something really bad to get her to talk to a counsellor.

Charge her mother as well then go from there. Can you really not move out if you're 15?

I think you need guardianship still, there's some parental consent thing that needs to be done, well, at least until she turns sixteen. Plus she wouldn't have enough money.

 

[Elapid]

Have you actually seen this happen?
Don't want to offend you but I have known some people to take it to the extremes to get attention

 

[billiemay]

I think you might be able to get youth allowance in exceptional circumstances?

 

[naledge]

Have you actually seen this happen?
Don't want to offend you but I have known some people to take it to the extremes to get attention

No I haven't, but her sister talks about it a bit too, although she lives with their dad now. And I've seen the bruises. I'm not offended, I'd be thinking the same thing if I was you, I know a few people like that.

 

[Kersten]

Yeah that's the problem, no matter what happens she's not going to live with foster parents or anything. Her mother's very manipulative. And she barely even talks to me about it, it'd take something really bad to get her to talk to a counsellor.

That makes it much more complicated then. There is one other avenue you can go down, but it might cause some issues between the two of you. You could call the police or children's services the next time she is hurt and report her mum yourself if you are completely sure that it's her mum who has abused her.

 

[trickedoutz31]

tell her to ring kids help line thats what its there for

 

[naledge]

I think you might be able to get youth allowance in exceptional circumstances?

Oh really? Thank you, I'll look into that. I was thinking that the government would have to provide something for this kind of thing, as I've realized in the last few years people like this are a lot more common than I ever thought before.

That makes it much more complicated then. There is one other avenue you can go down, but it might cause some issues between the two of you. You could call the police or children's services next time she is hurt.

Yeah, I've come close before but she'd never forgive me for that. Hopefully it wont get that far though, in the nine months I've been with her she's been physically hurt twice. So hopefully it doesn't happen again in the next six months, so when she turns sixteen she can leave without trouble.

 

[ivonavich]

The best thing you can possibly do right now is be supportive. Be the one she can trust. Be there for her to run to when she needs to escape.

 

[cosmicwolf4]

You can report without giving your details, all you have to do is call either the police and make a report or the child abuse hotline in Adelaide. They will respond very quickly.
Would she be able to come to you and your family in a hurry if she had to? She needs love and support by the sound of it

 

[ravan]

I think you might be able to get youth allowance in exceptional circumstances?

my sister was 15 when she started getting youth allowance, as none of us have lived with our parents for years.... but yes, that was exceptional circumstances.

does she have any really good friends she could stay with? relatives? possibly even you?

 

[Kersten]

Oh really? Thank you, I'll look into that. I was thinking that the government would have to provide something for this kind of thing, as I've realized in the last few years people like this are a lot more common than I ever thought before.
Yeah, I've come close before but she'd never forgive me for that. Hopefully it wont get that far though, in the nine months I've been with her she's been physically hurt twice. So hopefully it doesn't happen again in the next six months, so when she turns sixteen she can leave without trouble.

You can get youth allowance, that's true. And legal emancipation can be arranged through the courts. These avenues will require her to have some contact with social workers though, as she'll need to disclose the abuse in order to prove she has special circumstances which require her to be paid YA.

She may be upset with you, it's true. But one day you may find yourself in the situation where she has been hurt again and you'd rather she be free of her mother than continue being hurt, and as angry as she might be at first, she'll forgive you when she realises how hard that decision was, and that it was done to keep her safe.

 

[naledge]

The best thing you can possibly do right now is be supportive. Be the one she can trust. Be there for her to run to when she needs to escape.

Thank you, and I will always support her. It's just hard to decide whether to support her decisions or do what's best for her.

You can report without giving your details, all you have to do is call either the police and make a report or the child abuse hotline in Adelaide. They will respond very quickly.

Thanks, I suppose if it gets any worse I will have to do that. I would prefer her not to live with foster parents or anything like that though, she would be incredibly unhappy in a situation like that.

Thanks for all the advice everyone, it's helped clear things a lot.

 

[naledge]

You can get youth allowance, that's true. And legal emancipation can be arranged through the courts. These avenues will require her to have some contact with social workers though, as she'll need to disclose the abuse in order to prove she has special circumstances which require her to be paid YA.

She may be upset with you, it's true. But one day you may find yourself in the situation where she has been hurt again and you'd rather she be free of her mother than continue being hurt, and as angry as she might be at first, she'll forgive you when she realises how hard that decision was, and that it was done to keep her safe.

Yeah, having her hurt again and knowing I could have stopped it would be terrible. I voweled to protect her and that's what I'll do. I'll talk to her about it first. Thank you, really it's helped a lot.

my sister was 15 when she started getting youth allowance, as none of us have lived with our parents for years.... but yes, that was exceptional circumstances.

does she have any really good friends she could stay with? relatives? possibly even you?

I'll research a bit about youth allowance, thanks.
And her only relatives here are her parents and sister. I still live at home so she can't really stay with me yet.

 

[ivonavich]

Thank you, and I will always support her. It's just hard to decide whether to support her decisions or do what's best for her.

See that's the hard part - They have to be her decisions....

 

[Earthling]

You can report without giving your details, all you have to do is call either the police and make a report or the child abuse hotline in Adelaide. They will respond very quickly.
Would she be able to come to you and your family in a hurry if she had to? She needs love and support by the sound of it

I agree.
If you love her and want to protect her, then do it.
Many times people will never report abuse....never help a loved one for the pain to stop....is that love?

Next time she is physically abused and you can see some evidence, make a call to
Child Abuse Report Line: 131 478

She does not need to know it is you reporting it. She justs needs to know that you love and support her...and that means sometimes making the difficult decisions for her.

Psychological abuse/Manipulation of the mind can leave scars and behaviours so much worse than physical abuse. Do you want her to be less than all she can be for the rest of her life? Just because you wouldnt make a call?

Child Abuse Report Line: 131 478