just a funny for tuesday

[redbellybite]

Heart Surgeon's Funeral

One of the city's top cardiac specialists died.
At his funeral,his coffin was placed in front of a
huge replica of a heart made of red roses.

When the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their goodbyes,
the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again..

It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist. .

Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.
Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked,
"Why are you laughing,Mister? "

"I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man replied,
"I'm a gynecologist. .."​

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

[J-A-X]

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Woolworths. The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $30 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $60 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price.'

On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down

 

[Kitah]

Ahh, both of those are bloody brilliant!!

 

[dossy]

a man and woman have been recently married and one day when the man was watching sport his wife comes in stands between him and the tv and asks "do i look fat" the man answeres no hoping that he can watch the last over of the ashes, the woman replies "oh good because im pregnant" at this the man stands up goes out side to get a ladder come in and removes all the light bulbs from inside the house.


alot of people dnt understand this one but thats wot makes it good

 

[byron_moses]

there all gold keep them coming

 

[leighroy6]

I failed my driving test. The guy asked me “what do you do at a red light?” I said, I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio…

 

[leighroy6]

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs 5 kilometres to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. “I can’t leave,” the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.” The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?” the victim asks. “He says you’re gonna die.”

 

[Elapidae1]

a man and woman have been recently married and one day when the man was watching sport his wife comes in stands between him and the tv and asks "do i look fat" the man answeres no hoping that he can watch the last over of the ashes, the woman replies "oh good because im pregnant" at this the man stands up goes out side to get a ladder come in and removes all the light bulbs from inside the house.


Please explain

 

[guzzo]

HAHAHHAHAHHAAAAAHAHAH Great....hahaha

 

[cactus2u]

 

[norwich]

If a tenis player get tennis elbow and a athlete gets athletes foot what does a gynaecologist get .......................Tunnel vision

 

[norwich]

me and a couple of mates down at the pub and Andrew pipes up and ses when my wife has a orgasm she lifts two inches of the bed David turns around and says thats nothing my wife lifts 4 inces of the bed i started laughing they look at me and ask why im laughing i reply after my wife has her orgasm i get out of bed and wipe my oldfella on the curtains and she hits the bloody roof

 

[Megzz]

Good ones :lol:

But I'm with Steve, explain the light globe one??

 

[dossy]

when women are pregnt they become fat and ugly...im not saying they are tho :S

 

[Elapidae1]

Sorry mate but that might just be the lamest joke I've ever heard

 

[cactus2u]

STOP CHOKING - AUSSIE STYLE

A woman sitting in an Adelaide Pub suddenly began to cough.
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress,
and two locals, Bluey and Bazza sitting at the next table turned to look
at
her.

Ken ya swaller? asked Bluey

The woman signalled 'No!', desperately shaking her head.

Kin ya breathe?' asked Bazza. The woman shook her head No!!!

With that, Bluey walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress,
yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of
her butt.

This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm

that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe
again.

Bluey swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.

Bazza said in admiration 'Ya know Bluey, I'd heard of that bloody

Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen
somebody do it.'

 

[1issie]

hahahahaha,that last one was gold!!!!!!!

 

[Megzz]

when women are pregnt they become fat and ugly...im not saying they are tho :S

EXCUSE ME!? :lol:

Nah I guess we do get kinda fat... but ugly, thats just out of line!

 

[cactus2u]

EXCUSE ME!? :lol:

Nah I guess we do get kinda fat... but ugly, thats just out of line!

The ugly bit maybe the temperamental mood swings LOL

 

[cactus2u]

An Australian Love Poem
(Who said Australians weren't romantic?)
Of course I love ya darlin
You're a bloody top-notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word
So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there
No sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best
I'm tellin' ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think it’s very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs
I swear on me nanna's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get
No matter what u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footy's on
And fetch another beer