Stupid questions some people ask.

[Jay84]

Read it before in an email. Is amusing tho.

 

[Snake_Whisperer]

ROFLMAO! That is priceless! Thanks for the larf!

 

[m_beardie]

lol its stilll funny
sounds like something i would do lol

 

[MrsDragonLady]

not questions but funny answering machine messages

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Answering Machine Messages[/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Hello this is the microwave - The answering machine is on holiday![/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.[/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A is for academics,[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]B is for beer.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]One of those reasons is why we're not here.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]So leave a message.[/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Hi. This is John[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If you are my parents, please send money.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]money.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If you are my friends, you owe me money.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.[/FONT] ​

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.[/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]they will get back to you.[/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]In a bored voice: Heaven, God speaking...[/FONT] ​

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]message, and if I don't call back, it's you.[/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]on a second while I get a pencil. (Open a drawer and shuffle stuff[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]around.) OK, what would you like me to tell me?[/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]and it's safe to leave us a message.[/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Bridge, Kirk here.[/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]you-know-when.[/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message,[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it...I mean, like, wait,[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]gosh. This is so confusing.[/FONT]​

 

[MrsDragonLady]

questions to think about

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

 

[Vixen]

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Lol

 

[MrsDragonLady]

for those who haven't seen this one

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?​

SAEED AL SAHAF - Iraqi Head of Information
The chicken did not cross the road.
This is a complete fabrication.
In fact, we do not even have a chicken.

HANS BLIX - UN head of weapons inspection.
We have reason to believe there may be potential for this chicken's capability, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

COLIN POWELL
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

GEORGE W BUSH
We don't care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not.
The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground.

TONY BLAIR
I agree with George.

JOHN HOWARD
I agree with George and Tony.

KIM BEAZLEY
There is no challenge to the chicken at this stage, but if I were crossing the road ....

SIMON CREAN
@#@#!!@ Chicken.
No one crosses the @#@#!!@ road without my @#@#!!@ say-so.
It's time for the chicken to put up or shut up.

PETER HOLLINGWORTH
I am not aware of any impropriety in the chicken crossing the road.
In fact I am led to believe that it was the other way around and the chicken asked for it.

DR SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

OPRAH
Isn't that interesting?
In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it felt accomplishing its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens, crossing all the roads.
You may say I'm a dreamer - but it's not the only hen.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historic inevitability.

ALEX FERGUSON (coach of Manchester United Soccer team)
The chicken was not drawn to the other side fairly, and Beckham is not bigger than this club.

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
eChicken2003 version 1.0 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your cheque book - and internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not have sexual relations with that chicken!

THE BIBLE
And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD.
And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
Did I miss one?

HOMER SIMPSON
Mmmmmmmmm . . . . c h i c k e n

 

[africancichlidau]

Second hand joke or not, it's still hilarious

 

[i_LoVe_AnImAlS]

haha thats gold

 

[i_LoVe_AnImAlS]

this arn't stupid questions people ask. but see how many of you might do in a shopping center:

[FONT=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]

Things you know you want to do at K-mart

[/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]> > Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.[/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]> > Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares".... and see what happens.[/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]> > Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layby.[/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]> > Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.[/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]> > Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.[/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]> > When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"[/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]> > Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.[/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]> > While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.[/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]>> Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.[/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]> > 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"[/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]> > When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"[/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]> > Go into a fitting room and shut the door [/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]>>and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here![/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Handwriting, Cursive]> > Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"[/FONT]

 

[TheDarkRose]

Im an identical twin and although we dress differently and have different personalities those who dont us cant tell the difference. Yet strangers still say "are you two twins"
hello??? we look exactly the same what other explination is there?
so we reply with nah we only met today
it gets rather frustraiting

 

[BrownHash]

Im an identical twin and although we dress differently and have different personalities those who dont us cant tell the difference. Yet strangers still say "are you two twins"
hello??? we look exactly the same what other explination is there?
so we reply with nah we only met today
it gets rather frustraiting

Maybe people are wondering if your triplets and the other sister isn't there?

 

[spydalover]

a girl in my class asked if a turtle was a reptile or an amphibian

 

[bigi]

thanks for that, 1st time i have laughed today, cheered me right up, i know what you mean though, some people ask the silliest questions, however she was probably just making small talk

 

[reptilegirl_jordan]

your my herro!
`thats GOLD!

 

[Jungle_Fever1]

lol i was at petstock and i put a packet of bearded dragon pellets on the counter and the lady said do u have a bearded dragon? lol so not only is she a retard that works at a pet shop later i found out she is a retard that owns a snake :lol: poor snake

 

[antaresia_boy]

lol not quite on topic but still very funny
look at the fineprint down tho bottom...

 

[reptilegirl_jordan]

View attachment 95670

lol not quite on topic but still very funny
look at the fineprint down tho bottom...

classic goldness!

 

[Lesa]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message,[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it...I mean, like, wait,[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]gosh. This is so confusing.

[/FONT]​

Well I'm off to change the message on my phone.......

 

[Troy 1000]

You are a quick thinker.
I don't think I could have kept it going as you had.