Tourists???

[Wally]

In light of recent threads I thought I'd post this up.


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the
> actual responses by the website officials,
> _________________________
> ________________________
> Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV,
> how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
>
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
> die.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
>
> Aepends how much you've been drinking.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
> ( Sweden )
>
> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list
> of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
>
> A: What did your last slave die of?
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ?
> ( USA )
>
> A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
> ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
> Cross. Come naked.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
>
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
> we'll send the rest of the directions.
> _________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
> A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...

Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
>
> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
> Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
> Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
> A: You are a British politician, right?
> Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
> ( Germany )
>
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
> Milk is illegal.
> __________________________
> ________________________
>
> Qlease send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
> rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
>
> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
> All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
> make good pets.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
> name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
>
> A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
> Gum
> trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
> You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go
> out walking.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
> tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
>
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Qo you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
>
> A: Only at Christmas.
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
> A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

 

[MathewB]

hahahahaha silly americans

 

[toximac]

I think it should of been called a Gum Drop bear ;-D but very funny lol

 

[vampstorso]

HAHAHAHA
I do love the Aussie sense of humour, pity political correctness and total sissies are ruining it now.

 

[Bel03]

Im heading to Kings Cross next Tuesday to watch the hippo races! I will be the one wearing clothes! :lol:

 

[Beard]

Im heading to Kings Cross next Tuesday to watch the hippo races! I will be the one wearing clothes! :lol:

I'll be the one wearing a hat

 

[Wally]

hahahahaha silly americans

Silly people.

HAHAHAHA
I do love the Aussie sense of humour

Here's hoping it's around for a bit longer yet!

 

[Beard]

It does seem to be a bit of a dying humour unfortunately.

 

[Wally]

It does seem to be a bit of a dying humour unfortunately.

We keep the spirit alive in my workplace.

 

[Leasdraco]

Lol I love having fun with tourists.i once got asked if koalas ever spontaneously combust on hot days because they cover themselves with eucalyptus oil...

 

[grannieannie]

As silly as all this sounds, a couple of years ago I was visiting Tasmania and met a couple of young fishermen who were from Victoria. (I'm fromWA) Anyway as we chatted we said we'd flown over from WA, these lads wanted to know how long it would take to drive from Perth to Melbourne....they (seriously) suggested maybe ..... 8 hours .....we said...try 3 days !! They couldn't believe it....and these lads were...Australian !!!

 

[Wally]

I'd believe it grannieannie. I've got a mate that's about to turn twenty four who up until this year had never been out of Victoria!
When I talk about different places I've been overseas he gets a vacant look on his face.

 

[SteveNT]

I was explaining to a lovely Irish woman that the big piles of coral above the high tide mark were left there by the last cyclone.

Oh she said " did the coral go there to escape the cyclone?"

me- "splutter, splutter...... erm yes that's correct"

Then there's the time I am taking 6 German tourists for a bush walk and we get a half ton sow come screeching out of the bush protecting her little piglets. I go up a tree while the tourists all run forward, cameras out shouting "Swinen! swinen!"

me- "f.....g wild swinen run you idiots!"

 

[KainToad]

Grannieannie, i believe it to i once had my ex girlfriend believing in drop bears, she was scared to go out side. and she is an aussie!!! it was gold till she found out i was having her on oops lol

 

[SteveNT]

Drop bears were real and much nastier than you imagine, google "marsupial lion".

Then there's the chinese lady who wanted to know "who planted all these trees?"