redbellybite
Almost Legendary
Itchy Old Lady
One day an old lady went to the doctors because she had an itch in her crotch.
She told the doctor her problem and he said, 'You have the crabs.'
She informed the doctor that it could not be the crabs because she was an eighty year old virgin..
She went to another doctor and explained her problem to him.
The doctor said, 'You probably have the crabs'
'No' she said, 'I am an eighty year old virgin.'
Frustrated, she went to a third doctor.
She said, 'Doctor can you help me???I have an itch in my crotch.
Don't tell me that it is the crabs because I am an eighty year old virgin.
It can not be the crabs.'
The doctor said,'Get on the table and let's have a look.'
After examining, the doctor proclaimed,
'Ma'am, you're right, you do not have the crabs.
'This cherry is sooooo old, you have fruit flies.':lol::lol::lol::lol:
A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady
recognizes him as a real Rugby player.
They start to talk, and eventually go back to his place.
They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt.
On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.
"What's that for?" the lady questions.
"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV,
people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me."
Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his
leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.
'What's that ?' the lady questions again.
"Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid
when this tattoo is seen on TV."
Then the man drops his underwear and on his
penis he has a tattoo that says AIDS.
The lady screams: "Don't tell me you have AIDS!"
The man replies: "No, no.....!!! Calm down,"
"It will say ADIDAS in a minute...........!!!"
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff.
One day an old lady went to the doctors because she had an itch in her crotch.
She told the doctor her problem and he said, 'You have the crabs.'
She informed the doctor that it could not be the crabs because she was an eighty year old virgin..
She went to another doctor and explained her problem to him.
The doctor said, 'You probably have the crabs'
'No' she said, 'I am an eighty year old virgin.'
Frustrated, she went to a third doctor.
She said, 'Doctor can you help me???I have an itch in my crotch.
Don't tell me that it is the crabs because I am an eighty year old virgin.
It can not be the crabs.'
The doctor said,'Get on the table and let's have a look.'
After examining, the doctor proclaimed,
'Ma'am, you're right, you do not have the crabs.
'This cherry is sooooo old, you have fruit flies.':lol::lol::lol::lol:
A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady
recognizes him as a real Rugby player.
They start to talk, and eventually go back to his place.
They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt.
On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.
"What's that for?" the lady questions.
"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV,
people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me."
Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his
leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.
'What's that ?' the lady questions again.
"Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid
when this tattoo is seen on TV."
Then the man drops his underwear and on his
penis he has a tattoo that says AIDS.
The lady screams: "Don't tell me you have AIDS!"
The man replies: "No, no.....!!! Calm down,"
"It will say ADIDAS in a minute...........!!!"
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff.
