Most of these make me shudder. The other day I got conned by my lorikeet. In his sweet little voice he was saying "kiss, kiss" and making the kissey noises, so silly me went to give him a kiss. Just about got a lip piercing, right in the middle. He laughed the little**** Plenty of blood and a nice fat lip too. Instant botox!
You know it's not going to end well...but you do it anyway.
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I was slicing carrots for the roaches. Was cutting them length ways as everyone knows you have less slicing that way. I was having a tough time with one particularly thick carrot and my small knife.
I just went hard and fast, sliced the carrot and the end of my thumb.
After I had my thumb all covered, I found the bitof my thumb still on the knife with a nice bit of meat in it.
Here is the next day after the bleeding finally stopped.
I just went hard and fast, sliced the carrot and the end of my thumb.
After I had my thumb all covered, I found the bitof my thumb still on the knife with a nice bit of meat in it.
Here is the next day after the bleeding finally stopped.
snakes123
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Well today i got a bag full of water and my friends thought it would be funny if i walked up the 2 story block and threw it down. There was about 200 year 12 kids sitting in the main year listening to their teacher so i thought i could give them something to get them a break. Threw it off but as soon as i threw it a teacher came out of a room and saw me. Hope he dosnt remember me from year 7 :/
Guess ill find out on monday, if he knows ill get suspended :/
Guess ill find out on monday, if he knows ill get suspended :/
slim6y
Almost Legendary
I have two words for you... Tet Anus!
Hope you like speaking through a locked jaw....
(god, I hope I'm joking - because tetanus is no laughing matter... Especially if your jaw is locked, you just can't laugh at all!!!)
(patronising speak now) Tetanus comes from a spore in the ground where carrots live... Carrots don't show any symptoms of tetanus....
Hope you like speaking through a locked jaw....
(god, I hope I'm joking - because tetanus is no laughing matter... Especially if your jaw is locked, you just can't laugh at all!!!)
(patronising speak now) Tetanus comes from a spore in the ground where carrots live... Carrots don't show any symptoms of tetanus....
vampstorso
Very Well-Known Member
LOL at carrots causing two accidents!
Paul...what're you on about?
I'm not gonna die from bacteria poop!
Still alive and kickin
how good would it be if carrots were related to it...just feed carrots to those whose company you do not enjoy
Paul...what're you on about?
I'm not gonna die from bacteria poop!
Still alive and kickin
how good would it be if carrots were related to it...just feed carrots to those whose company you do not enjoy
slim6y
Almost Legendary
I was just saying...
Did you know carrots used to be white - the Dutch bred them to become orange...
The Carrot is the second most popular vegetable in the world after the potato. ( Carrots in todays world )
The first carrots were white, purple, red, yellow, green and black - not orange. Its roots were thin and turnip coloured. ( Carrots Food Facts, History, Information, Timelines )
Did you know carrots used to be white - the Dutch bred them to become orange...
The Carrot is the second most popular vegetable in the world after the potato. ( Carrots in todays world )
The first carrots were white, purple, red, yellow, green and black - not orange. Its roots were thin and turnip coloured. ( Carrots Food Facts, History, Information, Timelines )
vampstorso
Very Well-Known Member
Yes I did know that haha
learnt it in highschool biology when discussing desired traits in genetics etc
ahhhh Potato...gotta love Potato!
You should have some excellent stories being in agriculture and teaching! come onnnn...gotta have at least one!
and Cement...that sounds horrorfying...better take care of yourself or KA will Kick your A** ;P (see what I did there with the initials! ooooh trickey!!)
learnt it in highschool biology when discussing desired traits in genetics etc
ahhhh Potato...gotta love Potato!
You should have some excellent stories being in agriculture and teaching! come onnnn...gotta have at least one!
and Cement...that sounds horrorfying...better take care of yourself or KA will Kick your A** ;P (see what I did there with the initials! ooooh trickey!!)
Dipcdame
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....... and the pigeons Annie, don't forget NOT to feed the pigeons!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!!:lol:
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glassless_mind
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Serving drinks tonight, I went to place a tray with two schooners on the table. I looked at one schooner as I put it down and thought it was unstable, but then went "ahh it'll be right"... no. I spilt an entire schooner of beer across the table, all over 3 people and coated a woman's handbag.
They didn't tip me.
They didn't tip me.
vampstorso
Very Well-Known Member
so....I think we're learning:
A) carrots lead to accidents
B) thinking "it'll be right" never leads too good things!
you poor girl though, that would've been awful, hopefully they were nice people and laughed it off
A) carrots lead to accidents
B) thinking "it'll be right" never leads too good things!
you poor girl though, that would've been awful, hopefully they were nice people and laughed it off
glassless_mind
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Haha they were ok, they were pretty sozzled by then anyway. I wiped it all up with a cloth, and wrung it out into the empty schooner glass (which became only half full - oops). They then started trying to pay each other to drink the stuff I'd just soaked up with an old cloth. It's entertaining work, haha.
played with dropped palm fronds way back when, had a go at removing the leaves by pulling it alongside my hand. They were dry so didn't think much of it besides being really really bored. (sorta like popping bubble wrap fun)
ended up with bloodied palms, apparently dried leaves can cut you pretty bad... (not to mention could have gone worse, like say infection)
ended up with bloodied palms, apparently dried leaves can cut you pretty bad... (not to mention could have gone worse, like say infection)
kawasakirider
Very Well-Known Member
Kenny's story reminds me of one of mine...My old man used to have a palm tree in his front yard right on the edge of a steep drop off. These old palm fronds used to hang down, but they were strong enough to hold my weight... I used to swing off them and let go about 10 ft up and land on the ground (hopefully like a cat, haha). One day I didn't let go and my head smacked into the tree and I was KO'd, and fell about 8 ft to the ground. Hurt a bit.
Another time I was at a motocross track and it was very muddy. My throttle got stuck and I was lined up for a table top that was only about 40ft. I could have gone off to the side of the track I guess, but I just gritted my teeth with my stomach in my neck and held on. It was a kicker so I got launched and overjumped by about 30ft, I bailed because I wasn't just landing flat, I was landing into the face of a hill. The bike decided to tackle me and make me its biyatch. My legs were jarred for ages because I landed on my knees then the 90 kg bike hit me, haha. I still rode later that day.
Another time I watched my mate do a pretty gnarly drift, he came back to brag and I said "take me man" so I jumped in the front seat and my gf jumped in the back. We ended up rolling 3 times, just missing a powerpole and being caught by a tree, which was lucky, because we were gunna roll again but the tree stopped us from going off a 20 odd foot drop.
Had plenty more, particularly in cars with mates that I shouldn't have trusted. Kinda lucky to walk out of a few wrecks that I've been in (never crashed myself though )
Another time I was at a motocross track and it was very muddy. My throttle got stuck and I was lined up for a table top that was only about 40ft. I could have gone off to the side of the track I guess, but I just gritted my teeth with my stomach in my neck and held on. It was a kicker so I got launched and overjumped by about 30ft, I bailed because I wasn't just landing flat, I was landing into the face of a hill. The bike decided to tackle me and make me its biyatch. My legs were jarred for ages because I landed on my knees then the 90 kg bike hit me, haha. I still rode later that day.
Another time I watched my mate do a pretty gnarly drift, he came back to brag and I said "take me man" so I jumped in the front seat and my gf jumped in the back. We ended up rolling 3 times, just missing a powerpole and being caught by a tree, which was lucky, because we were gunna roll again but the tree stopped us from going off a 20 odd foot drop.
Had plenty more, particularly in cars with mates that I shouldn't have trusted. Kinda lucky to walk out of a few wrecks that I've been in (never crashed myself though
)
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grannieannie
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I never knew that, how fascinating....
pigeons...I'll give you... friggen ....pigeons !!! LOL...bitch, bitch, bitch LOL
pigeons...I'll give you... friggen ....pigeons !!! LOL...bitch, bitch, bitch LOL
Bel03
Very Well-Known Member
When i was 9, i had just moved in with my dad after alot of bad things were happening at mums, & wasnt feeling so great, so my dad decided to take me on a holiday for a week to get my mind off things........on the second day, we went & got Macca's & went to a park to eat, i had just put a chip in my mouth as we went to sit down, & the duck that had followed us charged & grabbed the end of the chip that wasnt in my mouth yet......it took what felt like half my lip with it! Then while playing on the swings, a crow flew down & stole my 'happy meal toy'......i was 9 so i was heartbroken! The following day, dad thought, yep the beach sounds good......we found a nice little spot & as i approached the water i seen a dead stingray floating near shore......for some reason i thought it would be a good idea to pick it up & throw it out further......first attempt, it didnt go far enough:?, second attempt resulted in the tail leaving a 2cm deep wound from the tip of my thumb that continued to the tip of my pointer finger, 14 stitches later, i was over our holiday!
Oh & another time, 6 yrs ago, when my daughter was almost 3, we were going to pick up lunch from the local takeaway shop, i had been at home all day, & didnt put underwear on under my old trackies.......while waiting for our order a friend came in & was showing me their new tattoo, as i had just had my first tatt done only a few days earlier, my darling little girl pulled my pants down & very loudly told everyone to look at her mummy's new 'crab'...... my tatt is actually a scorpion, on the front of my hip! I have NEVER been so humiliated, & NEVER go anywhere without underwear no more! :lol:
Oh & another time, 6 yrs ago, when my daughter was almost 3, we were going to pick up lunch from the local takeaway shop, i had been at home all day, & didnt put underwear on under my old trackies.......while waiting for our order a friend came in & was showing me their new tattoo, as i had just had my first tatt done only a few days earlier, my darling little girl pulled my pants down & very loudly told everyone to look at her mummy's new 'crab'......
my tatt is actually a scorpion, on the front of my hip! I have NEVER been so humiliated, & NEVER go anywhere without underwear no more! :lol:
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Serpentess
Very Well-Known Member
I didn't get hurt in this story but Bell's story reminded me of this: I was on Great Keppel Island and after having a swim I went and got myself a pie (healthy me, lol). Picked it up and went to take a bite when "Whoooosh". Half the pie was gone. I look up to the direction it had disappeared to see a damned kookaburra gobbling it down! Lol.
I once accidently cut my sisters face with an axe. Lol. She got me back over the years by giving me two fractured bones though. Once she pushed me onto brick stairs and hairline fractured my arm and another time she dropped a heavy (6kg ish) garden ornament onto my big toe from a 2 metre verandah.... On purpose. It would have hit my head if I didn't jump back. The little so and so, lol.
I once accidently cut my sisters face with an axe. Lol. She got me back over the years by giving me two fractured bones though. Once she pushed me onto brick stairs and hairline fractured my arm and another time she dropped a heavy (6kg ish) garden ornament onto my big toe from a 2 metre verandah.... On purpose. It would have hit my head if I didn't jump back. The little so and so, lol.
Nighthawk
Very Well-Known Member
Bloody carrots.
Give you good eyesight but you won't have any fingers left.
Completely unrelated but that totally made me think of a Terry Pratchett quote: "Nanny Ogg's Famous Carrot and Oyster Pie (Carrots so's you can see in the dark, and oysters so's you've got something to look at)" lol
Back to the thread; I've got a couple here that you guys made me remember. You made me, I didn't want to lmao...
When I was a kid I was grilling hot crossed buns. I was getting impatient and thought that the grill wasn't heating because it wasn't red... so I touched it. Cooked a dent in my finger.
Having worked as a waitress for quite a few years there's a few, not so painful, but embarassing tales as well;
I had a habit of catching things that were falling off the workbench with my hip. One day when I was baking muffins an egg rolled off and I slammed my hip into the bench to catch it. Had egg all down my leg for the rest of the day...
Spilled a bit of juice in the chiller and forgot to clean it up. As I was running hors d'oeuvres in to store for that night I skidded across the whole thing and soccer-tackled an entire 10L bucket of pumpkin soup... didn't drop the hors d'oeurves though
On a trial day (my FIRST DAY) in years I loaded a tray with long, thin glasses of bright orange, thick organic juice thinking "I used to carry trays like this all the time, I'll be right..." and ignoring little warning bells in my head. Went out to serve them to a table of around 12 ladies (most of them dressed in white, go figure) and overbalanced. They headed away from the table, I overcorrected and like a slow-motion trainwreck most of the juice tipped over the two ladies I was standing behind. I still got the job, maybe I was the only one who applied...?
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grannieannie
Very Well-Known Member
You reminded me of something that happened to me several years ago. Where I live there is a lovely estuary foreshore which attracts lots of water birds including pelicans. One day I was about to eat a hamburger...or something similar...and a big pelican came and tried to get it from me and it chased me around a fountain. The local tourists thought this was great sport and one even took a video of the fun.....needless to say...I was not amused, and the bloody pelican did not get my lunch.
Bel03
Very Well-Known Member
Bloody pelicans! When my daughter was about a yr old, we were at beautiful little spot having lunch, Tiarne went to look for shells while we 'set up', i turned around just as a pelican literally opened its 'mouth' over my baby's head.......it must have thought it could swallow her! She has been petrified of them ever since!
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