calling all mums and or dads

[the jungle guy]

after some time talking with my partner we have decided to start our own family, as i will be a first time dad excluding all the reps lol im looking for any advice people may have to offer me that can help me along the way or point me in the right direction

anything and everything can and will help i want to learn from peoples mistakes so i avoid those tracks myself,


if you have nothing nice to say dont say it in my thread i dont talk rubbish in your thread!

Thanks to all serious people that post

 

[grannieannie]

The best bit of advice anyone can give you is.....good luck !!
There are as many pieces of advice about parenting as there are parents.....Love is the most important thing a child needs. No one can tell you what it's like to be a parent, it's something you learn as you go.....on mighty step at a time.

 

[the jungle guy]

thanks for that grannieannie im a bit nervous about it im excited dont get me wrong, just seeking help and guidance i guess you can say,
but thanks for your time

 

[shellfisch]

Everyone will have something to offer, from pregnancy to teens.
Tell your wife not to listen to childbirth horror stories...why is it that everyone wants to tell you them?? :lol:
Listen to advice, but only take on board what you think makes sense.

After your little person is born, take time to enjoy them
So what if the dishes sit in the sink....the dust bunnies pile up under the bed....sit and cuddle them, talk to them, read to them, go fly a kite....they grow up soon enough.
You will blink and your chubby gorgeous baby will be packing up and moving out :cry:
What exciting and enjoyable times you have ahead

 

[slim6y]

Let 'it' cry.... Except for obvious things....

The best piece of advice I have ever used was - (though I am a dad not a mum) don't make eye contact over night when feeding... Don't turn the lights on.... Make sure the baby knows night is a time for sleep not playing.

When older - and the crying continues - the best piece of advice is - don't give in - let the baby cry - so long they're in no danger. One night of hell will be a life time of sleepful nights!

This is followed by - when your young ones fall off their bike, fall over, hurt themselves (not badly) - avoid using 'Are you ok?' - instead use that positive reinforcement - back on your bike....

I used to give y daughter the choice - cry and stop playing or get back up and let's keep playing.... No matter how much she fell over, she never really cried! Unless really hurt, then the crying was real... And you knew to do something!

And the final piece of advice - use the positive reinforcement - it saves you hours of heartache and losing your temper.

Let's take a simple one - for example your child is carrying a glass full of milk to the table - you can say 'Don't spill the milk dear...' that's nice - but the first image you've ut in that childs mind is 'spill the milk'...

So instead use something like 'Keep the milk in the glass dear' - now the new image is keeping the milk int he glass...

Oooooh... I should start a school.... Slim's Incredibly Helpful and Informative Guide on Raising Your Brats....

What I've suggested may only help from 2 years on... but if you remember these things, these are the things that have really helped keep things nice and calm

 

[the jungle guy]

thanks guys its really helping speaking to people thats been there or are currently there
Slim6y, i wanted to take that approach of positive reinforcement its good to know others think this is good way too,

ive heard if you run to them every time they cry ( except for obvious reasons there hungry or something is wrong etc etc) they will continue to do it for attention is it true? when they cry there cries all sound diferent like between hungry and hurt themselves etc etc?


keep em coming guys im shocked not 1 stupid post yet

 

[bigi]

You can only do your best. Sometimes this isnt good enough but its the best you can do.

Learn from your mistakes

You may see a different side of your partner, not always good

kids parties will never ever end

I regularly say, these kids are doing my friggen head in, this may give you an insight

 

[shellfisch]

The best piece of advice I have ever used was - (though I am a dad not a mum) don't make eye contact over night when feeding... Don't turn the lights on.... Make sure the baby knows night is a time for sleep not playing

I would agree with that. Keep the night feeds low key, right from the start. Low lighting, no playing, keep talking to an absolute minimum, so they learn you are no fun when it's dark :lol:
And, a routine leading up to bed - dinner, bath, then quiet time - a book read to them, or just talking, no rough play, to allow them to wind down and quiten down ready for sleep
Don't make things too quiet during the day, they will get used to sleeping during normal household noises.

 

[shellfisch]

ive heard if you run to them every time they cry ( except for obvious reasons there hungry or something is wrong etc etc) they will continue to do it for attention is it true? when they cry there cries all sound diferent like between hungry and hurt themselves etc etc?

I think there is no such thing as a bad baby, and I could never just let them cry, and not go to them and comfort them.
Controlled crying works for some people. I am lucky I never had to do it, because I would have been hopeless :lol:

 

[byron_moses]

hey mate i have 2 kids and all i can say is "your on your own and take a helmet"

 

[redbellybite]

STAY A PARENT ...under the age of 18 they dont need you as a friend (they have plenty of smart azzes already) they need parents...people make this mistake and try and be friends with their under age kids and make bad decisions because they are not thinking as a parent would but what a friend would ..and wont want to upset their 'mate' ...FAILURE ...as your offspring venture into adulthood then you can back off the parental charge and take a mate stance where you can offer advice but in the end its up to them ...prior to that, you offer a few choices and they can choose from what you have given them and that is all ...

 

[the jungle guy]

take a helmet hahahaha gold

grubba10, im gettin old now 27 its time i settle down a bit and have some kids but that was my thought when i was your age lol,
thanks everyone for all your responses keep them all coming its good to get a wide spread on everyones opinions,

 

[Nik]

I've found that parenting in a way that suits who you are and what you believe in works well. There is so much advice on what is 'best practice' but to take on a way of parenting that doesn't feel comfortable to you can be a very difficult thing.

When my son was a baby I cuddled him all day, I never let him cry and he slept with me (once he was big enough that I couldn't roll on him) or his cot was where I could touch him to calm him during the night. Everyone told me I was all wrong but to leave him cry wouldn't have worked for me, he was just sooooo cute.

Anyway, he's 6 now and he sleeps all night in his own bed with no problems, he hardly ever cries (not even when he feel in a playground and pushed his eye sideways), he's a great kid that respects rules and tries so hard to do the right thing as often as possible for a 6 year old boy.

I'm not saying you should do what I did, but just do what you feel is the right thing, if you try something that feels really wrong, just try something else.

 

[Brissyboy]

don't drop it. don't speak baby to it because not only does that impede the language learning process its annoying. read to it even if there's no way it'll understand for at least another 8years. show the love haha. Personally i think having a pet around is great, I learn t lots of responsibility caring for my dog and hes my best friend follows me everywhere.

 

[gruba10]

lol, true true stimmie, you ARE in fact past the halfway to 50 mark LMAO

 

[Dipcdame]

What a way to start out............... actually considering the responsibility and taking it seriously before your little one becomes a twinkle in it's Mum's eye! well done, there should be more doing htat, too few do. Good luck, you're in for the worst yet best 'ride' of your life.
You will be invaded by an alien which doens't understand you or your ways, nor you it's ways. You will marvel at that prefect little pink bundle you and your partner have created and wonder at the miracle of life.
Your heart will swell with love and pride, and you'll realise there is more than just your needs to be seen to now.
Support your partner as much as you can, there'll be times you'll probably fleel you're being pushed out of the trio that is your new little family (you, partner, and bubs), don't dispair, it's a natural feeling, but your partner will be as unsure as you.
New parenthood is a wonderful adventure, your first baby is your first 'experiment' (seeing what does and doens't work), you WILL survive (always remember that)!!
All the very best to you and yours, good luck.

 

[the jungle guy]

brissyboy, agree with the baby talk its annoying IMO, i would speak to my child how i expect to spoken to etc,

Grubba10 your already over half way to 40

Dipcdame, thank you for you kind words, just looking like all trial and errors i feel kinda stupid asking this question

 

[the jungle guy]

is there any forums for pregnancy that anyone an recommend some where my partner and i can get some info during the pregnancy

 

[kirstys]

Don't put them in your bed my son is now 1 and will only sleep between us. U will find your own way that's right for you

 

[Megzz]

Those who say 'don't talk baby to it'... Have you had kids of your own? No offense, but speaking to a baby 'normally' can be a lot more difficult at times than it seems

If the first few days/nights (or weeks) seem like hell, just remember that it gets better! You will become more comfortable as time goes on and fall into a sort of routine that makes it all so much easier I found. Oh, and my daughter was well and truly sleeping through the night by 3 months (lucky me, I know!!).