calling all mums and or dads

[shellfisch]

Dads are important. Remember that when it seems like it's all about the mum.

One of the best things you can do for your child is to love his/her parent. You and your partner are role models for all future relationships your child will have. Never fight in front of them. They see and hear more than you realise.

Later, when your child gets a little older, give him/her something to do, if you don't they will find something themselves and you may not like their choices.
Sport is good for that. One or two sports/activities/interests a week is plenty, if you can. If they don't like the first sport that they try, next year try something else, until they find what they really enjoy.

 

[Elapidae1]

Don't let your missus walk all over you, just because she's got a gut full of arms and legs. She's pregnant not an invalid. I'm not saying don't be helpful just letting you know that chances are she will milk it for everything it's worth.

Steve

 

[Kristy_07]

Don't let your missus walk all over you, just because she's got a gut full of arms and legs. She's pregnant not an invalid. I'm not saying don't be helpful just letting you know that chances are she will milk it for everything it's worth.

Steve

Classy, mate. Very classy :lol:

 

[Kitmin]

The best thing my mother in law ever told me was - leave the housework and play with the kids. Just take the time to watch them - They adore it.

 

[AUSHERP]

do what you think is right and follow your instincts, you will receive some terrible advice, especially from the in laws, you need to keep a level head and filter through the crap. most of all have fun!! i have won my childrens love and respect just by being a fun dad.... when it is time for seriousness, they listen everytime. always remember that respect must be earnt not demanded.

 

[python78]

I havnt read the whole thread so someone may have already told
you this...
If your child ever gets sick and the Doctors tell you "its nothing to worry about
just go home and keep an eye on him/her" but you know your child and you feel
there is clearly something wrong. Go Back to the docs no matter how silly they
may make you feel because somethings dont always get detected first time around.
when it comes to your children..follow your instinct. Better safe than sorry!
All the best to you both.

 

[Fantazmic]

Hi Stimmie

I am glad you have asked these questions. I work as a Relationships Counsellor with Relationships Australia. Yes having a baby is a wonderful and also a very stressful time. As well as taking care of a baby it is also important to take care of your relationship ( a strong secure relationship is the best gift you can give your child). As counsellor I usually see couples at their very worst time. I always ask them...when did you notice things going wrong...one of the most common replies is...at the birth of our first child. So as the same time as reading about having a baby I would advise also reading about the effect having this baby will have on your relationship. I have recommended some books for you to get....most of which you can probably get from your local library or from a good second hand bookshop.

Dr Christopher Green called Toddler Taming.

Why Marriage
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
(1999)
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail:
And How You Can Make Yours Last
(1994)
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
John Gottman

I love you but Im not In love with you Alan Mitchell.

Anything by John Gottman is absolutely sensational and the Alan Mitchell book is extremely good....I find couples get scared off the title as the sense of loving but not being in love freaks them out a bit as the title is to 'real' for them...but the book is absolutely wonderful.

The toddler taming book is also excellent for understanding parenting and childrens development.

Hope this all helps....good luck....if you want to ask me anything else mroe specific please PM me

Regards

Elizabeth

 

[sarah_m]

Don't be one of these parents that thinks their kid can do no wrong. All kids need bounderies and discipline, other wise you end up with brats that no one likes.
I have friends that I will no longer have in my house because their kids are so badly behaved because the parents NEVER correct bad bahaviour.

And be consistent. Even if it seams easier at the time to just give in. Kids pick up on it from a very young age and if they know you are unlikely to follow through they will do as they please and you will have a nightmare on your hands!

 

[Fantazmic]

you know what i spend forever correcting my kids manners, please thankyou table manners....then they go to someone elses house and it all kicks in and I get great feedback from the other childrens parents about how 'good' they are. and they always get asked back

Always remember that you might be happy to put up with their 'impossible naughty revolting behaviour" but the rest of the world wont be...and the sad thing is the kids dont get told they just get excluded and miss out.

 

[Fantazmic]

Also be a united front with your partner when disciplining the kids....if you dont agree with your partners actions NEVER talk about it in front of the kids......discuss afterwards and work it out between you. Also dont let the kids play you off against each other. So if the child comes to you and says can I do such and such...you should say what did mum/dad say? Always try to be consistent this way the children cannot divide and conquer !!

 

[graphitebeans]

I know I'm not a parent, but I've always appreciated my Mother - she has always given me the freedom to choose whether to grow up or not. She'd say to me "You've got only a little bit of time in your whole life to be a kid. If I answer this question it takes you one more step out of being a kid and you can't go back. Still want me to answer?". I'd usually say no.
Give them a 'why' when you give them instructions. It makes everything go smoother. "Don't stand up in the trolley or you could fall over and crack your head!"
Most of all - treat them like a person! They do not belong to you. You are their guide, not their owner!
GOOD LUCK

 

[babba007]

The best thing you can do as a father and husband is be supportive. I mean really be there. Pregnancy and straight after the birth is a very emotional time. Hormones are going crazy.
This advice is more for Mum.
Get the baby into a sleep routine straight away.
When the baby sleeps, Mum sleeps. Don't clean the house!
Don't pick up the baby as soon as it grizzles
Let the baby put itself back to sleep, don't cuddle it to sleep
And I strongly advise Mum to join a Mothers group. These women are in the same situation as you, and will really understand and sympathise with you.
As you see I had a lot of sleep related issues with my first child. There is nothing like sleep deprivation!
Enjoy your baby, they really do grow up too quick, and it does get easier. I found the first 3 months incredible difficult, but I suppose its different for everyone. Good luck.

 

[captive_fairy]

There's heaps of advice that can be given, and some good stuff has already been said...generally everyone that's been there will want to give you their two cents, take it on board and find out what works for you...Every child and parenting style is different, even if it seems scary now, most things will just come naturally!
I agree that horror stories can be good for learning more than just trying to scare you. My mum always told me that she had no problems during pregnancy and labour and that I would be fine, so that's what I was expecting. Then everything went wrong for me which meant I ended up having to have an emergency cesarean, for both of mine! But I freaked out the first time and I think it would've helped hearing someone elses horror stories and what happened etc.
Also read to them, talk to them and encourage them to learn right from the start. One of the biggest mistakes one of my friends made was to just assume they would pick everything up by themselves. While they do pick stuff up by themselves she now has a 4 year old who has to go to speech therapy twice a week at $250 a lesson because she never really talked to her child or played with them because she figured that she's an adult and shouldn't play with her daughter, but let her be a kid and play by herself and now she doesn't talk or socialise. However all kids learn at different stages, so don't automatically assume there's something wrong if they are a bit slower than others, but if you are really concerned, don't hesitate to speak to a doctor...If something is wrong, you can never detect it too early.
Oh, and for at least the first year, buy toys that you want to play with, cause the kids will want the box :lol:

 

[the jungle guy]

thank you everyone, thats soo great the array of replies we have received thank you all for you valuable time

 

[Dipcdame]

Don't be one of these parents that thinks their kid can do no wrong. All kids need bounderies and discipline, other wise you end up with brats that no one likes.
I have friends that I will no longer have in my house because their kids are so badly behaved because the parents NEVER correct bad bahaviour.

And be consistent. Even if it seams easier at the time to just give in. Kids pick up on it from a very young age and if they know you are unlikely to follow through they will do as they please and you will have a nightmare on your hands!

Agreed, children learn all they are going to have to know to get themselves through life by the age of four. any bad or good habits that have been embedded by then will be horribly difficult to reverse if it's an unwanted or unpopular trait (tantrums, destructive, TOO noisy and demanding) Children never learn to amuse themselves these days because they are plonked in front of the babysitter (tv) and just left there........ I have a friend who coulnd't go anywhere without dangling a dvd or video in front of her kids to get them to want to go visit........ they were both under 5 at that stage!!!!!! I won't say what it's like now, but she made a rod for her own back!!!! And so, with no form of external entertainment, they get demanding, instead of learning to sit and figure out their toys and sit and amuse themselves for any lengths of time!!

If children don't learn to misbehave by being rewarded with mum or dads attention, they learn better behaviour works far better!!!! (We used to make ours go and play in their own rooms if they got noisy, especially in the evening and we wanted to listen to something on tv. So they knew, they would be played with, and we would take them to play parks, and spend time fixing puzzles, or play fighting, or sitting having tea out of their tea sets during the day, it only took 5 mins to do, and they had so much fun, but they also learned that there's quiet time too. Many were impressed with their ability to understand when it was time to retreat and amuse themselves, there were visitors, or quiet time was needed for one reason or another.

It's not hard, and those 'orrible little aliens actually become quite amiable and easy to live with!!!!!!
BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS ALWAYS TO MAINTAIN A SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!!!! Sorry if I havent explained this how I wanted to, but I hope it makes sense!

 

[miley_take]

STAY A PARENT ...under the age of 18 they dont need you as a friend (they have plenty of smart azzes already) they need parents...people make this mistake and try and be friends with their under age kids and make bad decisions because they are not thinking as a parent would but what a friend would ..and wont want to upset their 'mate' ...FAILURE ...as your offspring venture into adulthood then you can back off the parental charge and take a mate stance where you can offer advice but in the end its up to them ...prior to that, you offer a few choices and they can choose from what you have given them and that is all ...

I am definitely not a parent, (I'm only 17) but what red is saying here is so true. Biggest mistake my mum ever made with me was flitting between trying to use me as a friend (didn't I have to sit through some disturbing conversations) and a parent. My dad is struggling with it now as well and it drives me crazy!

 

[Bec137]

What To Expect When You're Expecting has a very good website, it tells you week by week what is happening with the baby's growth and how the mothers body is changing etc. I found it really helpful with my first and I'm using it again with my 2nd, I'm 8 weeks pregnant right now. Up The Duff - by Kaz Cook, is a hilarious week by week guide to pregnancy written by an Australian and it has help numbers at the end of each chapter if you need them.

The best thing I think I did while I was pregnant (and breastfeeding) was take the vitamins everyday, because it gave me the peace of mind I was doing the best for the baby, because I was so sick I couldn't eat properly. Also the neuchal (spelling?) translucency scan you have at 12 weeks (to scan for downs syndrome) decide if you want it, and don't let it be forced on you.

At the birth, be specific who you want in the room and what you want to happen. Who you want to cut the cord, what pain relief you want etc. (Write a birth plan!) My partner wasn't asked to cut the cord by the midwife because I was too high on the gas and too shy to speak up, so he missed out, also I just wanted him and me (and the midwife) in the room and somehow 2 other people managed to get in and I wasn't happy, I didn't want to share my birth experience with other people. Also decide before the baby is born if you want to breastfeed or bottlefeed, most maternity hospitals are very pushy with the breastfeeding and have been known to almost force it on women and it can really upset them if they cant (for any reason) manage to do it. Don't be guilted. But at least give breastfeeding a good thought.

When bubs is home, get a monitor and put it in its own room from the get go. My son was in my room till 8weeks when he started sleeping through the night, and I woke up to every little grunt and sniffle thinking he was choking. I was a walking sleep deprived zombie for 8 weeks, even though my son slept really well. And to all the bashers of the 'baby talk', babies actually love it when they are little, they love the stupid expressions and faces and silly voices we do to them, don't talk to them like that all the time, but a little bit when you have some quiet time is actually good for their development.

Child, Youth and Women's Health Services are an excellent source of information, try their website, they have lots of fact sheets for every little thing you can think of, plus in certain circumstances (mum under the age of 20, post natal depression etc) they will visit you at your house periodically until the baby is 2 and help with anything you need. They are fantastic! I thank my Child Health Nurse for my sanity. Also join a mums group, the kids love it and the mothers get some adult time!

Good luck, and enjoy them while they are little, coz they will be sullen grumpy teenagers before you know it.

 

[MDSTIM]

Good on ya Stimmie,

Your on the right track to start with because you are questioning things and checking information out...I've found the best parents are the ones who are not quite certain and seek out answers, versus those that think they know everything and think they can leave their kids to their own devices.

Definitely listen to peoples advice/stories....as for every 100 items there will be one absolute gem in amongst them that will apply to you, (we found some way out ones that worked a treat).

Totally...totally agree with keeping baby talk to a minimum. Friends of ours were still doing this with their kids at about 6 yo and it led to severe development problems....you DO NOT want to inflict this on your own kids.

Everytime that you decide on a course of action, stop and think about whether yo want to live with the reaction. We had friends who let their youngster jump/bounce on his chest...one day he wasn't ready it happened and he had some dislocated ribs. Kids sleeping in your own bed is cute when younger, but become a nightmare when you have three of them doing it at 4 am, (when they are 2,4 & 6 years of age). Telling your kids that they don't like certain food....let them try a bit every so often as their tastes change with age.

Competitive parents are out there everywhere and it's much easier to disassociate than be sucked in to competing, (you'll know the ones when you come across them).

Don't accept kids acting shy...make sure you introduce them so that this doesn't happen. You want your kids to be social and not hide behind things, without of course being to "in your face".

I don't agree with your life has to totally change....this is influenced quite a bit by your own decisions, (ie it's just easier to stay at home versus packing all the gear in the car and going out). I'm not saying it won't change....BUT don't make another "rod for your own back", ie they have to be in their own bed to sleep, I have to be at home at "X" o'clock for the next feed, etc. OR you will have kids who don't socialise, have to sleep in their own beds, must be in bed at exactly the same time....you see my drift.

Don't make excuses for your kids, (especially not in front of them), as they are great little robots that catch onto things like that and will become imbedded in their heads "that it's OK to do something bad....because of the excuse that someone made for them".

I think you have also got some great snippets of advice by other guys/gals on the thread -:
Kristy_07 hear hear....well said.
Shellfisch ... agree totally with the sport, can also include hobbies....but definitely something that they love to do, (it will make a huge difference when they are older/teenagers).
python78....too right, Doctors after all are only people, (not gods), and they do make mistakes/errors of judgement...if unsure seek another opinion, (doctor), or go to Emergency Ward of a Hospital. DON'T DO NOTHING !!
sarah_m ....yeh great stuff with consistency and NOT rewarding bad behaviour BUT correcting it.
spikey_delight ....got to agree with this, the wife and I discussed this at length, as well as both parents being equal disciplinarians when required.

Hope this is an eye opener..and maybe semi usefull....refer back to 2nd paragraph.

Proud dad of two teenagers.

 

[sean-crystal]

yep i agree with alot of wat is on here!
are you pregers yet? did u know that u can choose the sex of the baby? not that the sex of it is important and i would never hold it against the kid if it wasnt wat ur hoping 4, but we have two boys and thought it might be nice to have a change of scenery, AND im getting out numbered!!! lol... so we found out that there is a method to give u the best odds for making a boy or girl. this will also give u the best guess as to wat sex the baby might be if already up the duff.and here it is
*for a boy- have sex on the day of and the days after ovulation.
* for a girl- stop haveing sex 2-4 days before ovulation.
the idea on how this works is that the egg is released on the day of ovulation. and sperm is male and female. the males swim faster and die quicker, where as the girls are slower and live longer. so if the you stopped befor the egg is released then the male sperm should have died of and only the girls are left waiting. or after ovul' the boys will swim up fastest and get to the egg first!
now this is not fail safe but it makes it fun..and it will depent on her cycle length to determin wen she ovulates. u can check this by checking her temp every morning before getting out of bed, it will go up 1-2 degres on the day of ovul'. 4 more in fo check out the "billings method". it worked for us and another freind wo has 3 boys and tryed 1 more time for a girl. so now we both have bubby girls. there are other facters that can affect the sex of kid to like the vagina mucuse can kill of either sex if it is to alkaline or acid. so still go in thinkin u get wat ur givin regardless.

and on an other note wen u bring em home the first time they sleep start the vac in an other room and work your way in to where they are and they will be great wen it comes to noises. im a night owl and do my cleaning at night wen there are no bodies to walk all over my clean floor so my hubby and three kids sleep through the vac in all there rooms. also helps if u want to have visitors for dinner they can deal with the noise if the are a sleep same with having the radio on. but make sur eu balance it out with quite time to otherwise tey may not like it if it s to quiet...
remember they are all differant my oldest and youngest are angels(most of the time) and my 2nd one screamed none stop from birth ahhh could have thrown him out the window lol but didnt!! but him in his room (hes gonna cry reguardless) shut the door and go make a cuppa and sit out side till ya calm down then go back and deal with it.. apparantly getting there back adjusted could have helped with him but found that out to late!! hes now on a eating plan as es hypa he seems to have food intolerances that send him off the block so hes on a basic diet at the mo to find out wats doing it...
take each child as they come and u will do some things wrong thats the joy of learning...u just adjust or parenting as u see things not working and yes be consistant!!! most important kids are not dumb even from birth they no!!
the prgnancy calenders are a great idea they email u every week to tell u how big ur bu is and wat may e happening etc i only used it for my third kid and it was still wonderfull coz u forget lots.
oh and on that note GET A DIARY coz she'll forget everyything.. i could rememer if i locked the car 2 feet away from it lol drove me and other half nuts!!!

 

[Megzz]

yep i agree with alot of wat is on here!
are you pregers yet? did u know that u can choose the sex of the baby? not that the sex of it is important and i would never hold it against the kid if it wasnt wat ur hoping 4, but we have two boys and thought it might be nice to have a change of scenery, AND im getting out numbered!!! lol... so we found out that there is a method to give u the best odds for making a boy or girl. this will also give u the best guess as to wat sex the baby might be if already up the duff.and here it is
*for a boy- have sex on the day of and the days after ovulation.
* for a girl- stop haveing sex 2-4 days before ovulation.

:lol: Umm sorry, but my daughter is living proof that thats crap.

*edit* Ok, sorry I might have been a little harsh as I just read you're saying its not definite, just to give better odds.

But I still find it difficult to believe that kinda thing, as I'm sure if it had been proven then it would be more widely practised and taught about too.