antaresia_boy
Very Well-Known Member
haha like that one 
A doctor examins a woman
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Bearded_Lady
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A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.
The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.
The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."
The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.
The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."
antaresia_boy
Very Well-Known Member
ohhh...thats bad...wow lol
Bearded_Lady
Well-Known Member
Hahaha its awesome what are you talking about
Cuddly_pony
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Lol ok I got one for you
Once upon a time there were three men travelling on foot on through different countries, they were an englishmen an american and an irishmen
One day they came across a lephrechaun (sp?) the leprechaun said to them
"go to the top of that cliff and jump off, what ever you scream out you will land in but will not die"
Naturally they all went to the top of the clifff
the englishmen jumped of and yelled "silver!!!!" and landed in a pile of silver
The american jumped off and yelled "Gold"!!! and landed in a pile of gold
The Irishmen was so exited he jumped of and yelled "weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"!!
splash
who gets it?
Once upon a time there were three men travelling on foot on through different countries, they were an englishmen an american and an irishmen
One day they came across a lephrechaun (sp?) the leprechaun said to them
"go to the top of that cliff and jump off, what ever you scream out you will land in but will not die"
Naturally they all went to the top of the clifff
the englishmen jumped of and yelled "silver!!!!" and landed in a pile of silver
The american jumped off and yelled "Gold"!!! and landed in a pile of gold
The Irishmen was so exited he jumped of and yelled "weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"!!
splash
who gets it?
antaresia_boy
Very Well-Known Member
reckon blonde would fit into that place better tbh.. but funny joke
Jackrabbit
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to continue the three men theme..
Three men, an Australian, an English man and an Irishman, were driving across the nullabor plain when their car broke down.
They decided to leave the car where it was and walk to the nearest homestead for help,
In the heat they knew they couldn't take everything with them.
The Australian decided to carry as much water as he could so when they got thirsty they could quench their thirst. The Englishman decided to carry his hat to keep the sun off his delicate skin.
The Irsihman decided to take the car door. when ask why eh would want to carry something so heavy he answered, ' its obvious itsn't it, so when I get hot I can wind down the window.'
Three men, an Australian, an English man and an Irishman, were driving across the nullabor plain when their car broke down.
They decided to leave the car where it was and walk to the nearest homestead for help,
In the heat they knew they couldn't take everything with them.
The Australian decided to carry as much water as he could so when they got thirsty they could quench their thirst. The Englishman decided to carry his hat to keep the sun off his delicate skin.
The Irsihman decided to take the car door. when ask why eh would want to carry something so heavy he answered, ' its obvious itsn't it, so when I get hot I can wind down the window.'
antaresia_boy
Very Well-Known Member
there were two blondes walking through the bush when one goes "ooh, look at the deer tracks!" the other one replies "They aren't deer tracks, they're bear tracks!" the two argue back and forth until they are hit by a train
sorry to all the blondes out there!
sorry to all the blondes out there!
pyrodarknessanny
Well-Known Member
ok i got one!
why did the koala fall out of the tree? (beacuse it was dead)
why did he second koala fall out of the tree? (it was holding onto the first one)
why did the third koala fall out of the tree? (it thourght it was a game)
why did the fourth koala fall out of the tree? (all his friends are doing it)
why did the kangaroo die? ( he was hit by all the falling koalas!)
why did the koala fall out of the tree? (beacuse it was dead)
why did he second koala fall out of the tree? (it was holding onto the first one)
why did the third koala fall out of the tree? (it thourght it was a game)
why did the fourth koala fall out of the tree? (all his friends are doing it)
why did the kangaroo die? ( he was hit by all the falling koalas!)
Bearded_Lady
Well-Known Member
Why did the plane crash?
Because the pilot was a tomato
Because the pilot was a tomato
ChrisZhang
Well-Known Member
ChrisZhang
Well-Known Member
what has stuck together after all this sshit?
Your asss cheeks
Your asss cheeks
ChrisZhang
Well-Known Member
Whats Bon Jovis brothers name?
An Chovy
An Chovy
Jungletrans
Very Well-Known Member
Why dont blondes like to breastfeed their babies ? , lt hurts too much when you boil the nipples .
Snakes_Incorporated
Not so new Member
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
JAS101
Very Well-Known Member
An extremely modest man was in the hospital
for a series of tests, the last of which had left
his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the
bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another
and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with
diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to
remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped
out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets and threw
them out of the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the
sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing,
and swinging his arms violently trying to get the
unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled
sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his
feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital
security guard, (barely containing his laughter),
and who had watched the whole incident, walked up
and asked, 'What the heck is going on here?'
The drunk, still staring down at the bed
sheets in amazement, replied: 'I think I just beat
the ****t out of a ghost.'
for a series of tests, the last of which had left
his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the
bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another
and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with
diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to
remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped
out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets and threw
them out of the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the
sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing,
and swinging his arms violently trying to get the
unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled
sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his
feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital
security guard, (barely containing his laughter),
and who had watched the whole incident, walked up
and asked, 'What the heck is going on here?'
The drunk, still staring down at the bed
sheets in amazement, replied: 'I think I just beat
the ****t out of a ghost.'
antaresia_boy
Very Well-Known Member
Haha i like it!
antaresia_boy
Very Well-Known Member
A cty slicker was zooming through the country side in his reconditioned MG convertible. As he passes a farm he is mortified to run over a rooster.
Peeling it's sorry carcass off the road, he drives up to the farmhouse with the dead rooster. The farmers wife answers the door.
'Hello, ma'am,' the man says nervously, 'I'm afraid that I ran over your rooster and now he's dead. I'm so terribly sorry and i hope you will let me replace him.'
'Please yourself, mate,' she sighs. 'You'll find the hens waiting out the back.'
Peeling it's sorry carcass off the road, he drives up to the farmhouse with the dead rooster. The farmers wife answers the door.
'Hello, ma'am,' the man says nervously, 'I'm afraid that I ran over your rooster and now he's dead. I'm so terribly sorry and i hope you will let me replace him.'
'Please yourself, mate,' she sighs. 'You'll find the hens waiting out the back.'
rash
Well-Known Member
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