some funnies....

[redbellybite]

George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas.

When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.

Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Harriet, she's a prostitute."

"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?"

"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it."

In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to come to room 217."Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?"

Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in,swinging her hips provocatively.

George asked, "How much do you charge?"

"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."

Even George was taken aback. "$125? I was thinking more in the range of $25..."

Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."

"Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business.
Goodbye..."

After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. She said, "I just can't believe it!"

George said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner."

At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, "See what you get for $25?"
:lol::lol::lol:

 

[redbellybite]

ANYONE THAT HAS EITHER GOT KIDS OR BEEN AROUND KIDS OR REMEMBER KIDS AT THE AGES OF 8-9 YEARS OLD CAN RELATE TO THIS .....sooooooooo funny lmao



Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:



Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there ,when we were getting born.



How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mum, just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.



What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from mens' bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.



Why did God give you ,your mother and not some other Mum?
1. We're related.
2. God knew, she likes me a lot more than other people's Mums like me.



What kind of little girl was your Mum?
1. My Mum has always been my Mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know , because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.



What did Mum need to know about Dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?



Why did your Mum marry your Dad?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My Grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.



Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad's such an idiot.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.



What's the difference between Mums & Dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home and Dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums knows how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Mums have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's place.
4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.



What does your Mum do in her spare time?
1. She don't have spare time.
2. To hear her talk, she pays bills all day long.



What would it take to make your Mum perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. You know, her hair. I'd die it, maybe blue.



If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

 

[Rainbow-Serpent]

Lol

 

[reptilefan95]

i rekon i prefer the first one

 

[gecko-mad]

:lol: lol :lol:

 

[gecko-mad]

no offence to all the blondes out there!

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
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January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!

What a year!!

 

[ravan]

ANYONE THAT HAS EITHER GOT KIDS OR BEEN AROUND KIDS OR REMEMBER KIDS AT THE AGES OF 8-9 YEARS OLD CAN RELATE TO THIS .....sooooooooo funny lmao



Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:



Why did God make mothers?

2. Mostly to clean the house.




QUOTE]

i think thats what most men think mums were made for aswell :lol:

 

[redbellybite]

Why did your Mum marry your Dad?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My Grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.
THIS IS MY FAVOURITE LOT .......classiclmao