sweet revenge

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redbellybite

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CURTAIN RODS----PRICELESS
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.



Nothing worked!!!
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.



The maid quit..
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.



A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home..........
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!! :lol::lol::lol::lol:
 
My ex once bought some smoked cod - but to keep it out of the sun she put it under the car seat.... (in my car).

She forgot about it of course...

And within days the car stank...

I couldn't find the source of the smell... till... Under the seat.... and she said.... Ahhhhh there it is... I forgot that we were having smoked cod for lunch..... (two weeks ago)
 
I used to work with a bloke who owned a combi, we used to hide prawn heads in the curtain rods every now and then... ( We were / are locksmiths, so locking your car doesn't work ;) )
 
When I was an apprentice one of the disgruntled cooks hid a carton of fresh chickens, sealed in plastic bags, in the pipes and utilities cupboard of a large hotel in Brisbane. It took quite some time for the bags to swell up and split the box. Then the chooks dropped down the utility shaft and burst their bags.
 
Fish

I have used a simliar tactic on many a former foe. Aluminium foil and a couple of dead carp strapped to the radiator can do wonders.:evil:
 
THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend

and I had been dating for over a year,

so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me.

It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very

tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near

me, and I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate, because she never
did it, when she was near anyone else.

One day her little sister called and asked me to

come over to check the wedding invitations. She was

alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she

had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't

Overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once

before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if

you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go

up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned

and made a beeline straight to the front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lord... and behold, my entire future family was standing

outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and

Said, We are very happy that you have passed our

Little test. We couldn't ask for a better

Man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

And the moral of this story is:


Always keep your condoms in your car.
 
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