Mental Health Issues?

[waruikazi]

I'm not sure you can help Gordo, for some the darkness is always there. It can be pushed back by doing the things you described - helping others etc.. but it always returns in your own time.

So what is the point when everything sucks that bad?

 

[Wally]

I don't have the answer. I really wish I did. A pointless life is terrible. Meds may help, but your friend needs to cross that bridge.

 

[mysnakesau]

I say the only thing you can do for someone like that is to just be their friend. Don't try to fix anything, just be a friend and socialise. He's obviously not ready to talk about it so perhaps distraction may work. Organise outings that he will go along to - boys night out, fishing, go watch the drag cars, whatever, just don't bring up anything, just be there as a friend enjoying his company. I know exactly where he's coming from. I suffer in silence because i don't like burdening my family. I held onto a 25yr old issue without breathing a word to anybody because I was scared ppl would think I was whinging about something that is so long out of date. I tried the counselling thing but I was embarassed and uncomfortable to talk about it. I just want people to be my friend, to share a laugh, go out and have fun like nothing is wrong. Distractions work for me. When my mind is kept busy I forget to think about the things that upset me. Just be that special friend for him Gordan. Watch the footy or live for today but let him be the one to bring up the topics that need to be discussed. If he doesn't, there is not much more you can do. He will appreciate you being a mate that he can call up to have have a beer, a chit chat and laugh. At the end of the day if he can say he had a great day, you've done a lot for him.

trying to help someone who doesn't want it will only drive them away.

 

[Dan40D]

Gordo, in my experience it sounds like your friend has a classic mental illness not a moral issue. While it may sound like a moral issue where you say "That used to be good enough for him but now he's starting to realise that living for other people is a bit of dumb reason, if you can't make yourself happy why should you care about what other people feel?" it is more than likely a mental illness that has got him to this stage in the first place.

Trying to help a person that does not want to help themselves is possibly the most frustrating part of mental health. As mysnake has said, the best you can do is be a friend and take on the advise i gave above, don't try to be a psychiatrist, contact Lifeline or Beyond Blue yourself and ask them for some advise on what to do.

Mental illness is the most common illness in Australia, but it is also the most mis-understood, mid-diagnosed and mis-treated by far. More than 60% of people living with a mental illness either don't know they have one, or have being mis-disnosed.

 

[waruikazi]

But he's not going to get it by himself. He'll either power on and feel better for a while, get worse or do something that is going to hurt so many people.

 

[Dan40D]

Dan,

Thankyou for sharing your story with us and for providing such a terrific insight into mental illness from the other side of the fence. Thankyou you also for the window into the love have for your wife and how much you genuinely care. It is heart warming to see such values in action in our rather transient and self-centred modern world.

As mysnakesau pointed out, only in different words, credit where credit is due. Stick your chest out – you’ve well and truly earned the right to! A champion’s effort. My wish for you is that you reap the reward of on-going happiness for your efforts.

Blue

Thankyou Blue, this is of course only a small snap shot of what we have been through without spilling our whole lives onto a forum. As i said, there were indeed times where i wondered whether it was all worth it, but love is the strongest bond known to man and there is no way i was willing to give up. It does make me proud of where we are today, we have made many sacrifices but a life together is certainly worth everything we have been through.

We have a little motto in our house that i will share with you all to remember when you are feeling down, A smile costs less than electricity yet it gives off more light.

But he's not going to get it by himself. He'll either power on and feel better for a while, get worse or do something that is going to hurt so many people.

Gordo, this becomes a moral issue for you, if/when do you step in. The absolute worst thing you can do to someone with a mental illness is to break thier trust, so its a catch 22. You can either do nothing and hope that everything is ok, or you can get some information for the person and hope that they don't take it the wrong way. Taking the advise that i have given you above will help you as well.

 

[waruikazi]

Thanks mate

 

[Renenet]

Waruikazi,

It's really hard to know what to do. Being there for your friend is a great start. However, I think if that's all you do you might end up in a holding pattern where nothing changes. It's a delicate situation.

You mentioned that your friend has tried to call Lifeline before but hung up because he didn't want to put his problems on others. It sounds like he knows he needs help, but, for whatever reason, doesn't feel comfortable spilling his guts. It might help to gently point out that the person on the other end of the line is there to help people who are feeling down - it's their job. It's not like they're family or friends.

As Dan suggested, contact Lifeline or Beyond Blue and ask them for tips. In the beginning you might need to help him by accompanying him to appointments. Often it's those first few steps that are the hardest. Once the treatment is rolling, it will hopefully get easier.

Good luck.

 

[Bluetongue1]

A bloke i know really well, is not mentally ill, but he's struggling with a moral dilemma....

I have to agree that your friend is displaying classic symptoms of mental illness. As suggested, he doesn’t really see it as such. He probably sees it as a weakenss, an inability to cope with something others cope with no worries. Well, as the figures Dan quoted indicate – others DON”T COPE "no worries". They do the same as your friend - they hide it.

If left unchecked it gets worse. It often results in marriage breakdowns, alcoholism, drug taking and isolation from others and ultimately suicide.

What is happening in your friend’s body is a chemical imbalance. By helping others, he has been causing his body to produce those chemicals that do make you feel good, such as endorphins. However, the short fall in the critical chemicals is evidently getting worse and the endorphins are no longer covering it even when they are released. His illness appears to be getting worse.

It may or may not be the case that his moral dilemma triggered the illness. If it did, his brain will benefit from re-routing of nerve pathways associated with this memory. That is where appropriate counselling and therapy can help. If it wasn’t caused by that, he probably still needs to unlearn that association.

Unfortunately we cannot see inside the human body to determine neural pathways and release of neurotransmitters. This is where a good medical practitioner comes in. It is invariably a bit of trial and error but through appropriate diagnosis and then finding the treatment that works for him, the illness your friend has can be counteracted and his life can return to something a lot more normal.

Bearing in mind that I am not qualified to make an assessment, it sounds like he is getting towards the serious stage. I will warrant that it is now affecting his relationships with other friends, his family, even his work performance. I’d be happy to be wrong on that score.

The advice already given is excellent. You could email what you have told us to Beyond Blue (or even the whole thread) and see what they advise.

Oh yeah… because your friend is “feeling” this and puts that down to something he did, he doesn’t see how some outside him can help. He doesn’t know it is to do with incorrect functioning of his nervous system – which can be corrected to a lesser or greater degree with the right treatment. On the inside looking out you just don’t see it!

I also have concerns for you. You can lead a horse to water but it is not your doing if it refuses to drink. Don’t take on responsibility for what may happen. It is not of your making and you do not have control of the situation – so do not take responsibility for that which is out of your hands. You have done all the right things to date, more than could reasonably be expected of a good mate. As has been explained, it is an extremely challenging and difficult set of circumstances – so difficult to know how hard to push and in which direction.

I concur with the advice given and simply wanted to provide some understanding from a different perspective. I hope you find it useful.

Good mates are hard to find – he’s fortunate to have you as one.

Blue

 

[Sezzzzzzzzz]

A bloke i know really well, is not mentally ill, but he's struggling with a moral dilemma. He's never happy, sometimes he's less unhappy than other times but he's never really that happy. Every now and then he thinks he has it all sorted but then something always hits him with a reality check. If you met him you wouldn't know he's not happy but really most days he's not.

He loves doing things for the people he loves. I recon he's the kind of guy that will go out of his way to help a mate even if it means getting himself into strife. I recon he just loves to make people happy. That is pretty well what he devotes his life to, just wanting everyone he loves to be happy.

That appears to be the crux of his problem. He's usually so unhappy that he doesn't see the point to it all, not that he wants to end it he just doesn't see the point to life but he doesn't want to upset the important people in his life. We all know how devastating something like that is on the people who loved them. That used to be good enough for him but now he's starting to realise that living for other people is a bit of dumb reason, if you can't make yourself happy why should you care about what other people feel?

I have been trying to convince him otherwise, which is hard on me too. Life can be really good, it can suck sometimes too but the good moments surely make up for it. But now he's even got me convinced. If life sucks that badly for him why shouldn't everyone be happy for him to end his suffering?

How can people be so selfish? When life sucks so hard and there is such a quick fix why should he have to worry about what others would feel?

He's tried to get help, He doesn't want to talke to friends because he doesn't want to upset them. I mean having something like that put on you is a massive burden, even for me and he doesn't want to seem like a whingey little bitch. I know he dialled the lifeline number before but hung up because he didn't want to put his problems on someone else.

What can i do for him. This is doing my head in.

I think all you can do is be there for him like he is for everyone else. I also spend alot of time trying to make other people happy without regard to how i feel cos its easier to make others happy then it is to make myslf happy. Just let him know you are there for him, always and unconditionally.

 

[waruikazi]

He talked to a good friend of mine this morning. She used to work in a doctors surgery and knows a good doctor that they are going to see next weekend. I hope it works out for him.

 

[Renenet]

That's great news, Waruikazi. I hope your friend gets the treatment he needs.

 

[Dan40D]

Thats great news Gordo, admitting that there is a problem and talking about it in the first place is the first half of the battle. Beware, your friend will probably get very nervous as the appointment approaches and may well try to get out of it, do everything you can to encourage him to go without stepping over the line, some times tough love is what is needed.

Please let us know how he goes if he doesn't mind.

 

[Bluetongue1]

Ditto

 

[kawasakirider]

Past few years I've had bad depression, anxiety and paranoia. I hate it... It's debilitating, I'm completely different to the way I used to be. I'm way too scared of death to bump myself, so I just sleep a lot. I often feel like just going to sleep forever.

I consider it a personal weakness and downfall, so I've refused attempts to use medication. I want a cure, not a band aid.

 

[CrystalMoon]

Past few years I've had bad depression, anxiety and paranoia. I hate it... It's debilitating, I'm completely different to the way I used to be. I'm way too scared of death to bump myself, so I just sleep a lot. I often feel like just going to sleep forever.

I consider it a personal weakness and downfall, so I've refused attempts to use medication. I want a cure, not a band aid.

KR, I am not medicated. It may not be a good idea for some. However I cannot function as a Mother if I go on the meds they expect me to. It is good if you can find a GP that is in the know about alternative treatments for mental disorders. It can be done with a lot of work and consistancy, I am living breathing proof.
Kind regards
Crystal X

 

[kawasakirider]

KR, I am not medicated. It may not be a good idea for some. However I cannot function as a Mother if I go on the meds they expect me to. It is good if you can find a GP that is in the know about alternative treatments for mental disorders. It can be done with a lot of work and consistancy, I am living breathing proof.
Kind regards
Crystal X

What alternatives are there? I've spoken to someone. It didn't work. I think it may be a bit of PTSD as it began and got worse due to certain things. It makes me so frustrated on top of everything else. I know how everything used to be, how I used to be, and now I feel it's been stripped from me.... A shell of my former self.

Glad your situation is working Crystal. I've no idea how I'd function on certain medication, I've never given it a go. I feel like it's for weak people that can't get up and dust themselves off (no offense to anyone here), but no matter how hard I try, I can't dust myself off and go back to normal. I hate the idea of being on medication to be normal, though. It makes me feel disabled.

 

[pharskie]

i suffer from pretty bad anxiety. i am medicated for it but it gets a bit much sometimes. its just so terrible the medication is so addictive aswell. i feel for anyone with the problem, it crushes you and you think everything is going to end.

 

[bluewater]

I know what you say about not wanting to resort to meds, but due to circumstance I found myself depressed but the anxiety was the killer, very nearly literally. Call it weak or what you will but for some medication is enough to not cure but just "take the edge off". At the end of the day it all comes down to personal choice but hey, what ever works, and if popping a pill a day keeps the Deamons away then I'm happy

 

[CrystalMoon]

What alternatives are there? I've spoken to someone. It didn't work. I think it may be a bit of PTSD as it began and got worse due to certain things. It makes me so frustrated on top of everything else. I know how everything used to be, how I used to be, and now I feel it's been stripped from me.... A shell of my former self.

Glad your situation is working Crystal. I've no idea how I'd function on certain medication, I've never given it a go. I feel like it's for weak people that can't get up and dust themselves off (no offense to anyone here), but no matter how hard I try, I can't dust myself off and go back to normal. I hate the idea of being on medication to be normal, though. It makes me feel disabled.

I get how you feel....I have only just in the last 10 months clawed my way out of the pits of hell(my own pit)I feel for you Kr, cause it is like the shell you've become is a mockery of your former self
the real key for this lock is to be correctly diagnosed, then work out a plan of treatment(non medicated, medicated)you can attack this on a few different levels. There are strategies and tools you can be taught to work through your feelings, moods etc. It is not as simple as laying down and spilling your guts to a stranger or telling some-one what you think they want to hear. You have to commit to freeing yourself from your pain, sometimes it can become habitual to feel this way(and in a strange way comforting and familiar)I feel Kr, perhaps you could open your mind to accept a program of mild meds plus alternative treatment eg joining mentoring programs etc(I am training in such a program)plus utilizing herbs and being taught meditation from a skilled practitioner(one thing that really helps me)I dont feel one single method is a fix all, I believe you need to have companion methods so they can bounce off each other and put you in your correct self. I would feel hurt that you could meander through your wonderful life not firing on all your 8 cylinders(that is like swearing)You deserve to find your real self again You can pm me anytime if you need to bounce off treatments ideas meds, My inbox is always open X