waruikazi
Legendary
I attended a lecture during last week by a psych called Andrew Fuller. Some of the information is not just interesting but down right useful! I hope some people can gain a little insight from this. I hope you all appreciate how long it took me to type this tuff up too lol.
Communication is a Tricky Business!
The fine art of talking, getting your message heard and understood as well as converted into some form of action by another human being is an amazinglly tricky business.
What makes it even murkier is that it often seems that men and women speak entirely different languages. The brains of boys and girls are reasonably similar but the way they use languages is poles apart!
While there are always exceptions and generalisations, it is useful to know how most men and most women use language. As we go through these differences it will become clear that the fact that most relationships work is nothing short of miraculous!
Men are chasers and women are choosers. This is reflected in the way they talk to one another. Men use talk to gain attention and status, to be the chosen one. Women use conversations to connecct and maintain relationships. They are vigilant to shifts in nuances and tones. Females are well adapted to spot mens lies, brags and exagerations.
For men, language is about status and independance. Men are highly vigilant for shifts in respect. The jostling and jockying in male conversations is designed to answer the question "Do you respect me?" Jokes stories and pranks are important to boys and men because they allow them to be centre stage and gain attention. It is extremely rare to see a woman at a BBQ call a few of the gals over and start sharing a joke ot the group.
For women, the art of conversation is about intimacy and connection. Behind much of their talking is the questions "Do you like me?" and "am i a part of your group?" To build this connection through conversation many women use discussions to emphasise similarity. For example "Oh yes i've had that problem too!"
Men and women talk abo-ut problems differently too. Women use problems to build similarity and closeness. If two women have a similar problem they are appear to be alike and must be friends. Men look at problems as things to be minimised or solved. They might share problems or frustrations but will often bond over minimalising or solving them.
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Girl Chat/ Boy Chat
Girls speak about 2-3 times more words a day than boys. By 20 months of age a girls vocabulary is 3 times greater than a boys.
In schools girls play games in which everyone gets a turn. Girls take turns 20 times more often than boys. Boys play games in which there are winners and losers.
Girls often form close knit cliques with secret rules. They are on the phone with the door shut. Gossiping becomes a favourite activity and helps them cope with stresses as they feel they are not alone.
Girls react to relationship distancing, boys react to challenges to their authority.
Men mainly use vasopressin for bonding and relationships while women use oxytocin and estrogen. Vasopressin increases attention, protectiveness and tracking in men.
This will be one of the most useful hints you boys will ever get so listen up!!!
Oxcytocin is released in girls and women even with a 20 second hug-sealing the bond with the hugger and trust. Boys need to be touched 2-3 times as much as girls to attain the same level of oxytocin.
Communication is a Tricky Business!
The fine art of talking, getting your message heard and understood as well as converted into some form of action by another human being is an amazinglly tricky business.
What makes it even murkier is that it often seems that men and women speak entirely different languages. The brains of boys and girls are reasonably similar but the way they use languages is poles apart!
While there are always exceptions and generalisations, it is useful to know how most men and most women use language. As we go through these differences it will become clear that the fact that most relationships work is nothing short of miraculous!
Men are chasers and women are choosers. This is reflected in the way they talk to one another. Men use talk to gain attention and status, to be the chosen one. Women use conversations to connecct and maintain relationships. They are vigilant to shifts in nuances and tones. Females are well adapted to spot mens lies, brags and exagerations.
For men, language is about status and independance. Men are highly vigilant for shifts in respect. The jostling and jockying in male conversations is designed to answer the question "Do you respect me?" Jokes stories and pranks are important to boys and men because they allow them to be centre stage and gain attention. It is extremely rare to see a woman at a BBQ call a few of the gals over and start sharing a joke ot the group.
For women, the art of conversation is about intimacy and connection. Behind much of their talking is the questions "Do you like me?" and "am i a part of your group?" To build this connection through conversation many women use discussions to emphasise similarity. For example "Oh yes i've had that problem too!"
Men and women talk abo-ut problems differently too. Women use problems to build similarity and closeness. If two women have a similar problem they are appear to be alike and must be friends. Men look at problems as things to be minimised or solved. They might share problems or frustrations but will often bond over minimalising or solving them.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girl Chat/ Boy Chat
Girls speak about 2-3 times more words a day than boys. By 20 months of age a girls vocabulary is 3 times greater than a boys.
In schools girls play games in which everyone gets a turn. Girls take turns 20 times more often than boys. Boys play games in which there are winners and losers.
Girls often form close knit cliques with secret rules. They are on the phone with the door shut. Gossiping becomes a favourite activity and helps them cope with stresses as they feel they are not alone.
Girls react to relationship distancing, boys react to challenges to their authority.
Men mainly use vasopressin for bonding and relationships while women use oxytocin and estrogen. Vasopressin increases attention, protectiveness and tracking in men.
This will be one of the most useful hints you boys will ever get so listen up!!!
Oxcytocin is released in girls and women even with a 20 second hug-sealing the bond with the hugger and trust. Boys need to be touched 2-3 times as much as girls to attain the same level of oxytocin.
