Having a dog sleep on your bed is by no means a precursor to that dog challenging a heirachy. All my dogs have always been allowed to sleep wherever they please, conditional on moving themselves when asked. They all obey all commands given, even if it be by a stranger or child, on and off my property. They all obey commands given to them by complete strangers even at the dog park with balls flying about and other dogs to interact with (distractions) and will happily be told what to do by small children. They don't need bribery or 'treats' as rewards and never have they needed to be corrected for not listening to commands. They do this because they understand that i am the leader of their pack, i only ask of them what i expect them to do to maintain the peace and not listening to me results in 'mumma-dog' corrections such as a nip, growl or 'angry face'. I can simply change my body posture and raise my lip to them and they understand that i have not been impressed with their behaviour which results in them returning to my feet and waiting to be released again back to play.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is it all depends on the individual. My dogs are not of the nature to challenge a person or child for position in the pack. They will all happily eat out of the same bowl, even let the cat eat out of their bowl while they are there too. Originally my rotti x defended her food bowl frmo the others are growled at the cat but now she knows there is no point in it. There is no competition between them because i have taught them as they have grown that this is not needed in our family, and that by altering their behaviour to suit my desires results in much more pleasant experiences for them. I have retrained and rehomed several large-breed dogs that prior to being in my care have displayed dog on dog food oriented aggression, all they need is to be shown that is expected of them and that by complying they achieve much more desirable outcomes than by 'doing it their own way'.
I guess i just got a bit upset by the references made to 'professional dog trainers' implying that allowing a dog(s) to share ones bed is encouraging them to challenge the structure. If you are a reliable, trustworthy and consistent 'pack' leader that provides for their family and fulfills their needs physically and mentally then why would your animal have reason to challenge you? The vast majority of dogs do not wish to be the leader of a pack, it is an unstable position that carries inherant stresses and volatility, if given the choice most dogs will happily defer to a confident and worthy human to tell them what to do. Some dogs do not have this in their nature, either by their breeding or their past experiences such as breeds like Huskies or animals treated poorly in the past. (I say Huskies simply because they are a very independant animal and in being so they can be stubborn, too smart for their own good sometimes, lol.)
Anyway, to me it sounds like your dog - ajandj - redirected his aggression onto you that day. In being stirred up by the new little dogs next door he was already in a heightened state of anxiety and by initiating a wrestling game he may have just been pushed over the edge. Its a very common thing to happen. Ever walked past a gated property with two or more dogs inside going batty about our dog passing by? And they all havea good go at the fence and sometimes leap on each other too? They are redirecting their aggressive instincts onto each other because they can't get to their target beyond the fence. Either that or some sort of neurological disease could have been the cause. I'm sorry for your experience, i'm not trying to belittle it, but if i were in your shoes i would only presume their to be something more going on.
For example, i love to wrestle with my dog but i know she is too strong for me and could do my some serious damage if she got too excited and accidentally bit too hard. I have taught her that 'stop' means to move away from me and wait for the next command. Works every time. It is especially good because i have confidence in knowing that she is always waiting for the command and so is paying attention to me constantly and therefore always waiting for the 'game' to end and turn into an obedience training session. Handy too if kids or 'non-doggy' people are visiting as wish her to leave them alone, they can simply say 'stop' or 'get out' or point to another room in the house and say 'go' and she will obey them, knowing that non-compliance generally results in her being left in the kitchen on her own (she's a sappy dog really).
Bleh. I got my goat up over a silly comment, sorry guys, but i just had to put my two cents in. My dogs sleep where they please, when they please. All it takes for you to get them to move is a simple request and never have they shown even the slightest interest in not obeying. I guess they know that i have my reasons (more often than not thought i get them off the couch and just squish up so we all fit, they're my hot water bottles!) Oh and cat jumps up and sleeps amongst them too, ahah.
So happy he's coming home!! Please give him a hug for me.