Dad Jokes
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Sezzzzzzzzz
Very Well-Known Member
hehehe, i thought that one was pretty good Rob. i want to make coffees like that!
B
borntobnude
Guest
'Thanks DAD ,Now get someone with a snatchstrap --QUICK '
(not me or my son, but my Patrol saved the day again)
ps ,this cruiser has a 4inch lift and lockers front and back
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Col-the-Trucker
New Member
i'm a dad my babies are 18, 22 and 25 and i have just purchased my first snake a stimson's and no one is going to cook her up i don't tell any jokes, cause i think i am hopeless at it
have a great day
i don't tell any jokes, cause i think i am hopeless at it have a great day
ps ,this cruiser has a 4inch lift and lockers front and back
ps all it needs now is someone that knows how to drive it!
Megzz
Well-Known Member
:lol: Stupid is so great.
tickerbox
Not so new Member
Ok, here's a funny story about the kind of things dads get up to when left alone with the kids
I have 5 kids. When they were younger I attempted outings with them by myself, taking them shopping, etc. Wow, what a nightmare! They would get into a place like K-Mart and instrinctively bolt off in 3 different directions (much to many onlooking mother's delight I might add).
This became quite a problem for me. That is until... the day that the concept of the "leash and harness" was introduced to me!
My saving grace had arrived. Five children under 8 years old, all wearing harnesses with 6 foot leashes attached at the back. Bliss!
Now, as I walked my children through the most complex of scenarios, I was once again in control. And it occurred to me that this leash arrangement was bringing back fond memories to me. Of my own childhood, when I used to own a big dog, a ridgeback. Rather than me walking him, he would walk me. That was until... the day I introduced a skateboard into the equation!! My dog would hoon me along the footpath behind him to the shops, down the road, to school. It was awesome!
You can probably imagine where this is going, and yes, you would be correct! For laughs and old times sake, I reintroduced the skateboard into my 5-child-bearing sleigh. I cannot describe the sheer delight I felt as I was whisked along through the corridors of K-Mart and Coles on my dad-mobile. And added to the delight were the faces of the horrified onlooking mothers!
Why?, you ask.
Because I'm a dad, that why! 8)
Even now, my kids still can't believe that I pulled that stunt off, but they sure do laugh that I did!
I have 5 kids. When they were younger I attempted outings with them by myself, taking them shopping, etc. Wow, what a nightmare! They would get into a place like K-Mart and instrinctively bolt off in 3 different directions (much to many onlooking mother's delight I might add).
This became quite a problem for me. That is until... the day that the concept of the "leash and harness" was introduced to me!
My saving grace had arrived. Five children under 8 years old, all wearing harnesses with 6 foot leashes attached at the back. Bliss!
Now, as I walked my children through the most complex of scenarios, I was once again in control. And it occurred to me that this leash arrangement was bringing back fond memories to me. Of my own childhood, when I used to own a big dog, a ridgeback. Rather than me walking him, he would walk me. That was until... the day I introduced a skateboard into the equation!! My dog would hoon me along the footpath behind him to the shops, down the road, to school. It was awesome!
You can probably imagine where this is going
, and yes, you would be correct! For laughs and old times sake, I reintroduced the skateboard into my 5-child-bearing sleigh. I cannot describe the sheer delight I felt as I was whisked along through the corridors of K-Mart and Coles on my dad-mobile. And added to the delight were the faces of the horrified onlooking mothers! Why?, you ask.
Because I'm a dad, that why! 8)
Even now, my kids still can't believe that I pulled that stunt off, but they sure do laugh that I did!
disintegratus
Very Well-Known Member
That. Is. Awesome.
phatty
Well-Known Member
Firepac
Well-Known Member
-I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
-The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
-I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
-I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
-Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
-She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
-I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
-A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
-No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
-A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
-I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
-A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
-He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
-Two silk worms had a race they ended up in a tie.
-A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.
-A backward poet writes inverse.
-In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
-I didn't want to buy leather shoes, but eventually I was suede.
-Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here. I'll go on a head."
-John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.
-A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: "Keep off the Grass."
-The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
-Police were called to a day-care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
-The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
-To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
-When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
-A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was the nurse said 'No change yet'.
-I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
-What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
-The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
-I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
-I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
-Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
-She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
-I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
-A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
-No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
-A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
-I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
-A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
-He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
-Two silk worms had a race they ended up in a tie.
-A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.
-A backward poet writes inverse.
-In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
-I didn't want to buy leather shoes, but eventually I was suede.
-Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here. I'll go on a head."
-John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.
-A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: "Keep off the Grass."
-The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
-Police were called to a day-care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
-The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
-To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
-When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
-A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was the nurse said 'No change yet'.
-I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
-What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
emmalene_bunny
Well-Known Member
Firepac why didn't I see all of that sooner?!
bigjoediver
Well-Known Member
I'm reading a book on black holes it's not much to look at but it really draws you in !
montysrainbow
Very Well-Known Member
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heres a couple from my 5 yr old...sorry not a dad.
knock, knock
whos there?
ipe
ipe who?
haha ha u said i poo!
and 1 more lol
how do u spell i cup?
umm...i c u p
Bahhahaaa mum u saw me pee :lol:
knock, knock
whos there?
ipe
ipe who?
haha ha u said i poo!
and 1 more lol
how do u spell i cup?
umm...i c u p
Bahhahaaa mum u saw me pee :lol:
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