new years eve question

[Sturdy]

a healthy marriage, especially if you want to make it a long one, means ,GIVE AND TAKE ....

Yep Ive practised this before..

She gives, I take

but yeah back onto the topic amazonian hit the nail on the head with "trust" being the issue.

 

[darkangel]

it's not a trust issue just a timing issue

 

[itbites]

redbelly lmao I'm far from insecure
Seems to me though once you get married you have a responsibility
to keep each other happy/healthy.
Spending time apart is definitely crucial to maintain a healthy relationship
however if you dismiss your partners feelings when clearly they're upset.
thats just a wee bit selfish

 

[Freemason2250]

The guy sounds like a pig.Pack his bags and get rid of him,then you can put up a wanted ad on aps.

There is some great advice "My partner at the last chocolate so Im going to get rid of them"

Lame

 

[jodocast]

Its not the sort of thing I would do even if my bro came home from KL for NYE......So I guess my answer is NO.... I dont think its o.k..
Can't you all do something together ?
Maybe you could come up with some alternatives?
Good luck.

 

[slim6y]

Man - you think you have problems..... Don't get me started.....

1) There's now two frogs living in my shower plug hole - I have to have cold showers in case I hurt them.

2) The network at school has crashed and I can't finish my work that MUST be finished today.

3) I think one of my spotted pythons is gay.

4) I'm not sure if the guy that I nearly ran off the road on his motorcycle is angry at me or not. What if he took my rego plate and hunted me down. I seriously couldn't see him in my mirror - honestly.

5) I'm fairly sure the world is going to end before my birthday in the year 2012 (my birthday is on the 31st of December for those that don't know). So in the year 2012 can you please please get my birthday presents to me before November 5th. Thank you.

Oh - and as far as your \problem goes - If you're that worried about it - go to a kid friendly party.

 

[jessb]

Hell no! I would be fuming! Fair enough if he had discussed it with you and you had jointly agreed, or if you are like me who refuses to leave the house on NYE (expensive, crowded, always an anticlimax...). But if he unilaterally made a decision to go out wiht his brother without even consulting you, I think that's unreasonable. The assumption there seems to be that you are the designated babysitter, and he will help out "when he can" .

Perhaps you should tell him that you have made plans and he needs to mind the kids - they are his too after all!

 

[jessb]

man - you think you have problems..... Don't get me started.....

1) there's now two frogs living in my shower plug hole - i have to have cold showers in case i hurt them.

2) the network at school has crashed and i can't finish my work that must be finished today.

3) i think one of my spotted pythons is gay.

4) i'm not sure if the guy that i nearly ran off the road on his motorcycle is angry at me or not. What if he took my rego plate and hunted me down. I seriously couldn't see him in my mirror - honestly.

5) i'm fairly sure the world is going to end before my birthday in the year 2012 (my birthday is on the 31st of december for those that don't know). So in the year 2012 can you please please get my birthday presents to me before november 5th. Thank you.

Oh - and as far as your \problem goes - if you're that worried about it - go to a kid friendly party.

lmao!!!

 

[Fiona74]

Or he could be like my old boyfriend (over 14 years ago) he was divorced with 3 kids and this one time a mate and his wife came up from melb. Anyway there was mention of them going to play golf so I figure ok thats fine, the boys play golf the girls amuse the kids. Well I was absolutely speechless when the 3 of them (bf, mate and wife) went to play golf! Are you kidding me! So I am expected to stay home (or at his place actually) and mind HIS 3 kids while he goes and plays golf with another couple. What am I, a damn babysitter! I chucked a wobbly and needless to say the 'wife' stayed behind with me. He was a jerk.
So at least they are your kids

 

[pythoness]

Yep, do what i'm doing, leave him home with the kids and go to woodford for a week

 

[serpenttongue]

this is mainly a question for those of you who have partners. but any advice is welcome!
my b/f's brother is coming to bris from syd for new years eve. do you think it is ok for him to go out and leave me at home with 3 kids by myself? am i being selfish for kicking up a stink about it?
i have no issue with him going out but i think it's a bit wrong to go out on new years eve while i'm home with the kids by myself.

No, you're not being selfish.

It's not just a bit wrong, it's completely wrong. You and the kids should be his top priority. He should be greatful for what he's got.

 

[kandi]

Yes, i would spit the dummy your feelings about the situation should have been considered . After all it is New Year.

Well said serpenttongue.

 

[Fiona74]

Looks like it's a bit of a mixed bag when it comes to what everyone thinks so I guess you've just got to do/say what you think you should.
If I have a gripe with something my hubby has done (or wants to do) I tend to only go on and on about it if it really really really etc etc bothers me. If it only just 'kind of annoys me but I'll get over it' then I say my piece and let it go. Sometimes it's not worth making a fuss. Life's too short.

 

[amazonian]

No, you're not being selfish.

It's not just a bit wrong, it's completely wrong. You and the kids should be his top priority. He should be greatful for what he's got.

What makes you think he is not grateful and they are not his top priority?
You have heard very little info about the situation to judge. Infact there is pretty much no info given. The original poster herself has been contradicting in her post (1 minute acting as if she has a problem with him going out, and the next stating she dosn't have an issue and would prefer to stay home with the kids anyway) so how can you possibly make such a suggestion without knowing 1st hand what the facts are? All you have heard is he plans to go out on NYE with his brother. As far as I can see he is not owned, and neither of them had any previous plans made for the night.

1st of all, has the poster discussed the matter at hand with him?
And if so why if it dosn't bother her? (sounds hypocritical to me)
And if not, then how is he meant to know any better?
(is she upset or not? who knows other than herself)

Do they go out alone often?
Never? sometimes?

Has he/she cheated, lied, run away, joined a circus etc in the past?

All those things that may be contributing factors we do not know of.
There is alot more details left out so of course opinions are going to be biased.
but not being grateful? wow, you can tell that by reading a 5 paragraph sentence from a complete stranger over the internet who is/isn't well maybe/maybe not upset. I am amazed. Why do 4 years at tafe to study psychology when you can easily pick it up at home on APS.

 

[Australis]

the worst bit is things have been a bit rocky lately and he's not caring that this is making things worse

Your not caring either, coming between your partner and his family (brother), not a brilliant idea.
Blood is usually thicker than water, don't test the theory.

 

[Sel]

Hmm

Im not sure what to say about this..
I dont even remember the last time i went out nye. Probably about 7 years ago

Just think yourself lucky that you have a partner and your kids have a daddy and there is always someone there to take the kids if you need them to.

When your a single mum and you work everyday, and you NEVER go out because you have no-one to babysit, then come back and whinge.

 

[Jewly]

Sorry Jewly, but I am often watching the kids so my partner may go out and to be honest I don't feel like a poor sap at all. I don't find it awful or miserable. I guess this is because I believe my partner has every right to go out without me on occasions.

Do you have a choice to do this, or do you just have the kids dumped on you and you have no choice? There is a big difference. Plus, I'm not talking about any day of the year, I'm talking about NYE and that is also a big difference to just going out any night of the year. I'm happy for my partner (when I have one) to go out with his friends and I actually encourage it, cause I think it's healthy to have your own friends and interests but there are times when you need to put your partner and children first and this is one of those times. Have you ever sat home alone minding children who are asleep at midnight on NYE? If you have, then you might have some understanding of where I'm coming from.

But we also have boys or girls nights out to a pub or club. this is no problem for us as we trust each other. We know at the end of the night we will be beside each other in bed, and neither of us would risk what we have or hurting the kids. It is all about trust, and clearly alot of members here do not trust there partners, so why are they with them?. My last comment was to point out how insecure you girls can really be. If this comment plays on anyones mind then it is clear that they should not be in a relationship as they do not trust their partner.

PS, Come midnight and the kissing starts, it's best out there WITHOUT your partner anyway lmao.
Good luck to him on his adventerous night in the big city

Your last comment clearly implied that you think that it's alright to go out and kiss women who aren't your partner and I can't speak for anyone else but I consider that to be cheating, especially if you are doing it behind your partner's back. Says a lot about your values.

 

[darkangel]

you are right. i am lucky for what i have and probably do take it for granted at times. i don't mean to but having said that i do stop to say thank you for what he has done and appoligise for whatever it is i may have done wrong or could have done to help etc.
australis, i am definately not trying to come between him and his brother. we get on like a house on fire aand there are no issues what so ever there. if anything i encourage him to do stuff with his brothers. always have as they were never really close. since we moved from sydney to brisbane is when things have changed and they have started to become closer.

anyhow, the decision i have come to is that i will let him do what he wants. he knows how i feel so there's not much more i can do. i don't want to make things worse than they are by arguing with him from now until then which is what will happen as ppl have pointed out already. anyway thank you for everyone's replies. i do appreciate it.

 

[Jewly]

Yet again, its the woman who has to give in to keep the peace. I'm not criticising your decision in any way because you have to do what you feel is right for your family.

It's just with my friends, I constantly see the woman get the raw end of the deal all the time. They all have such one-sided relationships, and they even admit that themselves. The male's tend to just do whatever they want and the womevn have to put up with it. It's not even a compromise. Like with one friend of mine, her husband is out every single weekend for most of the weekend and yet if we want to go to the movies 3 times a year, we have to go straight there and straight home again and that's at night when the kids are in bed anyway.

99% of the time I'm so glad I'm single and I don't have to put up with dealing with all of this.

 

[bundy_zigg]

Dude thats just ridiculous!! "blood is thicker than water crud" they are brothers YES but his sperm made those kids so in fact id say his blood tie would be stronger with the kids than his brother!! kids when they come in to your life are your main priority always and I think anyone who's says that its still okay to leave the Mrs or man at home to go get pissed with your mates or brothers is just not ready to be a mum or dad!. There are plenty of of other things that you can do with your mates and family that don't constitute getting pissed - fishing, golf, pig hunting and loads more. The thing people see to not think about is that NYE is a big night to party, its not like you would go out and stay sober and just chill out with the brother! - no matter what anyone says alcohol is bad and can make people do things they normally would not for example - my friend and her partner have been together for 4 years and have 2 kids together I cant stress how much they were happy and lead a seemingly happy life together she did her own thing and he did his but one night he had plans to go out with some mates as it was a rather big night here (for a small town anyway haha) but their youngest got sick and she was a bit crook to they had a fight about him going and he left the house angry - she called me and I came and helped he look after the little one (they were both ill) and because he was angry with her when he left he got really pissed and did not come home she found out 3 weeks later he had cheated on her she was devastate and has left him (which I had mixed feelings about as he was really sorry and knew he had done a stupid thing, he came crying - yes crying to me to help him) now he has lost his girl and kids all because he wanted to get drunk.

So remember people getting pissed can lead to things you would not normally do - and to me someone hitting the piss NYE rather than spending time with your family(brother included) is asking for trouble.

Your not caring either, coming between your partner and his family (brother), not a brilliant idea.
Blood is usually thicker than water, don't test the theory.