Am I Being Unfair?

[Jewly]

What difference does it make? He's only lying in bed for heaven's sake. Only his hands are touching the food, not the rest of his body so as long as he washes his hands before handling any food, there shouldn't be any problem.

 

[Teamsherman]

7 pages?? Reminds me of the good old aps days of Greg, Gregory, Inny, Team.... ect ect...LMAO.

 

[salebrosus]

Amen Shermy!

 

[Tatelina]

Just tell him to move out into his own place / rent a room etc... if your conditions don't suite him.

Ditto.

 

[Whisper2]

i work odd hours and after the first week my parents slept right through it. the car in the garage next to their room never wakes them now.
he can be a bum if you want, but he is trying from what you've said.


-- edited, came out a bit harsh. sorry Jewly. : )

 

[Forensick]

jewly.... beds are havens of sweat dead skin and bacteria... generally speaking... NOT clean.
and yes, you only use your hands (although he would use his whole arm)
but there is also a "general" cleanliness required, its in HACCP guidlines (thats the international food handling guidlines we are legally bound too), and like i said, many companies have it in individual contracts.

and if he wants to be a chef, why doesn't he... the whole industry is massively understaffed (in melbourne there is said to be in excess of 2000 jobs, many unadvertised, available)
the job is harder, but the hours are better... so he may be showering at 2pm before work (although he could still be showering at 5am before work)

there are heaps of chefs around on this site if he wants to speak to someone.
i am down in melb, but i believe adzo is up in brisbane

no offence but i am glad your not my mum.
i work odd hours and after the first week my parents slept right through it. the car in the garage next to their room never wakes them now.
he can be a bum if you want, but he is trying from what you've said.
: )

errr... i think thats a bit harsh... she clearly cares, which puts her well above what she could be...
i have never lived with my parents while working odd hours, and my parents still dont respect it, expecting me to be awake and active at 9am.... calling me basicly only while i am at work, and getting offended when i dont call them back (coz they wont accept a call after 10:30 and i finish work after midnight)
I think a lack of respect/understanding for anyone who works shifts is standard for a briefcaser unless they have worked shifts before

 

[Chris89]

I'm 18 and have been working full time since I was 17. I work shift work at the moment, have done for the past 5 months (4am to 12pm) I have to get up at 3am to leave at 3:30am.

I can understand why your son wants to have a shower when he first gets out of bed, Generally people will have a shower before the leave to go to work to wake themself up abit, At 3am or even 2am in the morning it's cold and your body doesn't want to function especially after getting out of a warm bed, so a nice hot shower generally is required to get you motivated for the day. Also as said about the rules apart of HACCP in the food industry are quiet strict regarding personal hygiene etc.

The way the shifts are in our house goes like this:

Me: 4am to 12pm
Mum: 9pm to 5am
Ivan: 6am to 4pm

So people are waking up / leaving at different times of the day, yet we all seem to work together so that people don't disrupt anyone else's sleep patterns etc. When I first started this role, no one use to wake up when I left, However I did have a complaint from the neighbour across the road over my cars exhaust system being loud, despite the fact that I drive queitly at that time of morning. I got the exhaust changed anyway.

Perhaps sitting your son down and having a talk about his job and your job, plus what is required around the house and that everyone needs to help out. Explain to your son that you're curtious to him when he's trying to sleep as he should be to you. It's not that hard to be quiet around the house, you'll soon learn how to do things without waking someone up.

As to the "board / rent" situation - Regardless of whether you're on family payments or not and your son is working, You should discuss with him about setting up a board - I use to pay $80 a fortnight when I was 16 and my mother still got payments for me. Once the payments stopped it went up to $80 a week. Now I pay $150 a week, I've actually been paying rent for the past 2 months ($270 a week) To help the family out.

Also to get your son to help out around the house, prehaps try a different route in communicating with him, instead of saying "this is my house, these are my rules, you must obey them" or along those lines. Sit him down, talk to him about chores or jobs that he can do around the house that will help you and him both out. Give him some simple suggestions that he could do to help you out, He gets home alot earlier than you do so maybe suggest if he can put a load of washing on, vaccuum the house and explain that all these little things add up and help everyone out.

I just wanted to add, I don't think that you're being unfair in your requests - But knowing teenagers he's probably seeing it as some form of personal attack and doesn't understand what his actions are causing to the rest of the household. Again communication in a nice manner could really help this situation. I read above that someone mentioned that they got on better with their partners parents as they treated them like a friend instead of a parent - You stated that you're his mother not a friend. Maybe if you can bring those 2 things together, To be a mother and a friend to him he might realise what his actions are causing and might shape up to help you out and do the right thing by you.

Good Luck

 

[Chris89]

I hope that didn't sound harsh and I didn't mean to sound disrespectful if it came across that way (not sure if it did)

I thought that I'd just give my input from a teenagers point of view =)

 

[Jewly]

jewly.... beds are havens of sweat dead skin and bacteria... generally speaking... NOT clean.
and yes, you only use your hands (although he would use his whole arm)
but there is also a "general" cleanliness required, its in HACCP guidlines (thats the international food handling guidlines we are legally bound too), and like i said, many companies have it in individual contracts.

and if he wants to be a chef, why doesn't he... the whole industry is massively understaffed (in melbourne there is said to be in excess of 2000 jobs, many unadvertised, available)
the job is harder, but the hours are better... so he may be showering at 2pm before work (although he could still be showering at 5am before work)

there are heaps of chefs around on this site if he wants to speak to someone.
i am down in melb, but i believe adzo is up in brisbane

I understand what you're saying, but it's just hard to cop being woken up so early each morning and suffering from lack of sleep in my own home when I'm the one paying all the bills and doing most of the housework.

He was really keen there for a number of years on becoming a chef but he sort of went off the idea there for a while. I think the hours were worrying him a bit and he thought that he'd never see his friends but I tried to explain to him that you can't let that dictate what profession you want to be in. Plus, I'm sure he'd soon find some new friends who worked the same hours as he did. Maybe now that he's experienced working these hours he might reconsider becoming a chef, that is, if he doesn't decide to stay where he is.

 

[Jewly]

I hope that didn't sound harsh and I didn't mean to sound disrespectful if it came across that way (not sure if it did)

I thought that I'd just give my input from a teenagers point of view =)

No, not at all. I thought you made some very good points and I thought you sounded very mature for such a young guy.

 

[Chris89]

If he likes his current job have you suggested that he ask his boss about doing a Bakers apprenticeship? My friend is on his 3rd year and works 10pm to 5am and is earning $50,000 annually.

 

[Jewly]

I'll have to speak to Zac about it, but I think that is an option if he wants to do it. I think his boss is giving him a chance to see if he actually likes the type of work and the hours. I would really like him to stay there though because his boss sounds great and he's been very understanding of the fact that it takes a while to get used to working such odd hours.

 

[Chris89]

I'll have to speak to Zac about it, but I think that is an option if he wants to do it. I think his boss is giving him a chance to see if he actually likes the type of work and the hours. I would really like him to stay there though because his boss sounds great and he's been very understanding of the fact that it takes a while to get used to working such odd hours.

At your sons age with not going to school, doing an apprenticeship is a really good idea, he'll learn a trade and always be able to get work in that field, Maybe if you talk to him about it and if he's interested, Then make an appoint with his boss and discuss with all 3 of you (if that's what your son wants) about the possibility of starting a full time apprenticeship

It's rare to find a boss that actually cares about your personal feelings and how you're coping with the hours that you're working, In shift work. I remember when I first started my role and I was having a hard time getting into a decent sleeping pattern. I talked to my boss about it and their response was "If you want to sleep, you'll make yourself sleep. If not someone else can fits in can do it"

 

[Stergo]

I can understand the frustration but it's great that he's finally working. You never know you may get used to the pattern soon and not wake up when he showers. and may just need to give it time. I would definately get him helping out a LOT more though....good luck with it all.

 

[euphorion]

*reinsert reference to noise-cancelling headphones*...

 

[Forensick]

if he is into the baking but still unsure about the chef thing...

look into hotels (large 5 star ones) kitchens are massive, and have bakers in there aswell... so its a very "all encompassing" kind of food service thing

 

[thepythonpit]

would swaping rooms make any difference
or are thay both near the shower ?

its a hard call, but i would do whatever it took to see my son working and enjoying it.
it sounds like your son has miss out on a good constant male rolemodel in his life
and he may be blaming you for that , it may also be to late for you to try and change things.
he needs to show more respect of you and what you do for him .
what i did to my oncewerebrats was make out i died , sounds harsh i know but it worked a treat when dad came home in his hospital gown , thay have been the best little guys ever since.
good luck with it , its all about give and take.

 

[spilota_variegata]

Quote from Frogboy: Tell him to give up his job in the bakery and join the navy. Make him a man and put hairs on his chest.

Would you like some bullets with that?

I think that's a perfectly valid quote from frogboy. Join the services and learn how to take care of yourself. I'd guarantee he'll make a heap more that what he makes in the bakery.

 

[Jewly]

Yeah and then he can bring home all his mates....love those men in uniform..lol

 

[Jewly]

*reinsert reference to noise-cancelling headphones*...

There's no way I'm wearing headphones to bed...lol