Am I Being Unfair?

[Jewly]

doesn't matter who works what hours, its your house its your rules.

you've tried being nice, and now i deffinately think you need to try the tough love method, GO GIRL!

i dont know how it all works but wouldn't it be nice if you could just shove him in some military school and let them do the bashing? lol, dont think it works like that but its a nice thought.

he sounds like he has no idea how easy he has it at the moment, he couldnt cop highschool so he just quit, fair enough, but sitting around on his **** all day and now whinging about the conditions of getting a job? pfft, welcome to the real world sunshine, just remind him that at least he has a bed, his own room, a roof over his head, food on the table etc. its more than what alot of people in this world have.

now go to the bathroom and practice that snarly face, you know, the one that says 'i mean business!'. lol

its such a shame that people of my generation in general have so little respect for others, even some of my closest friends don't see what terribly rude and judgemental people they can be. i blame the internet, going to youtube now

Coz if he wakes up at 2am.... he is clearnly trying to sleep when the house is genuinely noisey

That's not the case at all. When he goes to bed, he is upstairs and I'm downstairs sitting on the lounge watching tv. The only noise I make is to walk up the stairs and go to bed which doesn't ever wake him. There have been times I've had to wake him up and I've had to stand at his door, (after opening his door, which is really noisy) and then I have to shout at him a number of times before he wakes up.

You might be sick of what you call 'briefcases' attitudes but come on. The normal day/night routine is the normal time to work/sleep and I'm sure you're probably being paid more to work nights to compensate you for any inconvenience. In saying that though, I do think your housemates should be showing you a bit more courtesy by not making too much noise early in the morning. As for the washing machine...there's probably not a lot they can do about that, cause washing has to be done, and if they are hanging it out on a clothesline then it has to be outside early so it dries but they could wait until 10am maybe.

Get some earplugs. I sleep through smoke alarms wearing those things and don't even notice Im wearing them, it solves the sleep issue and you can get a carton of 200 pairs for like very little money.

Ummm...now, I don't think I want to be able to sleep through a smoke alarm. Kinda defeats the purpose of having them..lol

shooshoo....he doesn't know how good he's got it. I recently bought him a new double bed and when I got my laptop, I gave him my desk and computer so he has that in his room now. He has a nice unit to live in, and there's always food in the house. He's going to get a nasty shock when he moves out and understands how much everything costs.

I haven't spoken to Zac yet, but I've sent him some messages on MSN explaining that I've decided to charge him $25 a week for board. I've already transferred it out of his account into mine, so that he doesn't go and spend it all before I have a chance to talk to him. Besides, it's not really up for discussion because he's not going to live here and not contribute sometime from his wages.

 

[kandi]

teenages are usually fairly selfish, i say this from experience once upon a time being one myself and having one that is now 18. i always think there is room for compromise, he has done his bit by getting a job and now he has to be considerate of you. communication is a big plus on understanding each other feelings. this is one of the many lessons in life you both are learning , him how to be considerate and respectful human being and you on how to understand a teenager. sometimes i find the it very unfair you raise this child, nuture there every need you love them unconditionally and in the end what do you get a BIG KICK IN THE PANTS for all your efforts.

 

[Spikie wanna cricket]

well i know i am a lil older but if i dont set the table i dont eat and if i dont wanna do chores ii have to pay mum money . so since he is working you could make him pay board or alternative do some chores.
being a boy i guess he wont wanna do girly things my boyfriends parents had their kids doing everything and being the only boy in the house he had to take care of all the outside of the house so mow the lawn etc maybe try to get him to do the more manly things

 

[nuthn2do]

I haven't spoken to Zac yet, but I've sent him some messages on MSN explaining that I've decided to charge him $25 a week for board. I've already transferred it out of his account into mine, so that he doesn't go and spend it all before I have a chance to talk to him. Besides, it's not really up for discussion because he's not going to live here and not contribute sometime from his wages.

And you wonder why you have a hard time with him.

 

[redbellybite]

JEWLY.........as a mother of 4 teenage sub/adults ,two of each , communication and compromise only works onesided..........but to worry over petty things like showers etc is the least of your worries.,you could have so many other worries that far out weigh that ....in defence for your son, if having a early morn shower helps him to wake up, then I say let him .he is going to work, and showing some form of growing up.charging him board is fair if you both have spoken about it and agreed, but to just go ahead and take before talking to him ,seems like your acting more like the teenager now .......one has to be the parent and thats your job and as mums go ,its usually us that make the sacrafices in life, so our offspring can be the best that they can be.....in your case as a single parent it would be very hard but not impossible maybe you should go and speak to some male rolemodels in your life either like your dad,or brothers or family friends and see what they suggest comming from a males point of view....

 

[Mrs I]

I think your going a bit over the top, is there really something else on your mind?

I commend this young guy for having a job, not only a job but one that requires him to be up so early in the morning, i know a lot of adults that wouldnt do it.

Yes i agree your house your rules, but you brought him into the world and at 16 maybe try give him a little bit of a break, considering he could just be sitting on his behind on the dole, with us tax payers paying his way.

I agree on the board issue, my parents used to take 25% of our wage when we worked and lived at home, but they actually didnt tell us, they saved it for us. When we were ready to move out they had a lump sum to give us to help us set up.

Taking money from his account without even discussing it first is wrong imo, thats no way to have your childrens trust.

 

[Dukz13]

yer let him have his showers hes makin an effort use ear plugs u waking up at that hour is part of bein a mum...

 

[Mrs I]

Here you go these rules are posted on my fridge.... might help

I cook it - you eat it
I buy it - you wear it
I wash it - you put it away
I clean it - you keep it clean
I say bedtime - you say goodnight
I say off the phone - you hang up
I say no you dont ask why
Cause Im the Mum

 

[Dukz13]

oh and charge him board teaches us young 1s to get ready for rent

 

[weet-bix]

Taking the money from his account without his permission or knowledge equates to theft..........great example you are for your son. Its sounds to me like he is the more mature and responsible one. Get of his case and let him know that you are proud that he isnt just sitting on his but......well you should be at least.

 

[Forensick]

doesn't matter who works what hours, its your house its your rules.

you've tried being nice, and now i deffinately think you need to try the tough love method, GO GIRL!

i dont know how it all works but wouldn't it be nice if you could just shove him in some military school and let them do the bashing? lol, dont think it works like that but its a nice thought.

he sounds like he has no idea how easy he has it at the moment, he couldnt cop highschool so he just quit, fair enough, but sitting around on his **** all day and now whinging about the conditions of getting a job? pfft, welcome to the real world sunshine, just remind him that at least he has a bed, his own room, a roof over his head, food on the table etc. its more than what alot of people in this world have.

now go to the bathroom and practice that snarly face, you know, the one that says 'i mean business!'. lol

its such a shame that people of my generation in general have so little respect for others, even some of my closest friends don't see what terribly rude and judgemental people they can be. i blame the internet, going to youtube now



That's not the case at all. When he goes to bed, he is upstairs and I'm downstairs sitting on the lounge watching tv. The only noise I make is to walk up the stairs and go to bed which doesn't ever wake him. There have been times I've had to wake him up and I've had to stand at his door, (after opening his door, which is really noisy) and then I have to shout at him a number of times before he wakes up.

You might be sick of what you call 'briefcases' attitudes but come on. The normal day/night routine is the normal time to work/sleep and I'm sure you're probably being paid more to work nights to compensate you for any inconvenience. In saying that though, I do think your housemates should be showing you a bit more courtesy by not making too much noise early in the morning. As for the washing machine...there's probably not a lot they can do about that, cause washing has to be done, and if they are hanging it out on a clothesline then it has to be outside early so it dries but they could wait until 10am maybe.




Ummm...now, I don't think I want to be able to sleep through a smoke alarm. Kinda defeats the purpose of having them..lol

shooshoo....he doesn't know how good he's got it. I recently bought him a new double bed and when I got my laptop, I gave him my desk and computer so he has that in his room now. He has a nice unit to live in, and there's always food in the house. He's going to get a nasty shock when he moves out and understands how much everything costs.

I haven't spoken to Zac yet, but I've sent him some messages on MSN explaining that I've decided to charge him $25 a week for board. I've already transferred it out of his account into mine, so that he doesn't go and spend it all before I have a chance to talk to him. Besides, it's not really up for discussion because he's not going to live here and not contribute sometime from his wages.

firstly.. you may consider day/night to be normal...
but without it, your world goes upside down...
supermarket shelves won't be full, no newspapers, massive inconveiences when trains/roads are fixed, no bread, no hotels, no resturants, no cinemas, no pubs/bars, no taxis, hospitals etc etc
also, we don't get paid for our hours (some people if lucky get an extra $2.40 for working a shift after 7pm)
because "briefcases" view us solely as servants we get no rspect about our needs (in general i should say).
we are expected to be quiet in our awake time, and deal with others noise when we sleep without complaints... hell the vic gov't enev legislated that i can't have a social life anymore (2am lock out)

all that said i am sure i wrote that this is different and you are his parent etc not his house mate.
but you need to respect that he needs to shower, if it is only the noise of the shower, look at fixing that... he works in a food industry, he should shower BEFORE work, not before bed... i have worked in resturants that have it in the contract!
if him getting to the shower/singing is the issue then thats another matter.


side matter.... don't take board off him, make him give it to you (it feels worse and is more realistic) and more than $25.... avg rent is more like $100 and i spend at least that again in food/bills, at least make board representative of life without you.

but all said and done, you are his mother, not his house mate..... he can always move out

incidently, he is an apprentice baker? or just works there... if its just a dead end job, ship him off to boarding school... they'll make him learn and he'll shower when they say!

 

[Nekhbet]

common for single parents to have snappy kids ... not saying everyone is but it does happen especially with boys. we grew up with no dad and yes it was hard and my mum really doted over us a little too much, especially my bro.

Stealing? Well make a flyer and give it to the shops with his photo on it "this is my son, he has a habit of stealing things like XYZ so check his pockets before he leaves" shame him into stopping. Police are not a lot of help and frankly they have better things to do then give an adolescent teen the **** kick his dad should be providing.

Make a calender on the fridge and let him tick the nights he will be home if you want to make tea, or he calls you by a certain time to let you know he will be there. No call? No food. He can start buying all his own stuff and pitch in with the rent.

Dont wash his clothes, dont change his bed, dont pander over him. Let him turn his room into a cesspit but the communal areas must be tidy - he'll soon appreciate the difference (and smell hehe) and when he runs out of clothing tough luck. Leaves things lying around? Throw them into his room and leave them there.
Sometimes they have to see the bad before they realise what theyre missing out on. The worst thing you can do is argue, if he's in a mood them tell him to go chill in his bedroom (which will annoy him further because its a mess) because its not fair to do it in communal areas.

I know its hard my brother was a right bastard in his late high school years, even punched a couple of holes in walls and threw horrible temper tantrums. By the time he was 20 he was 2IC of an electrical store and doing well for himself, just ride it out as best you can and they will grow out of it. Care less, and he will settle the reactions you get make it worst. Remember to you only have one of him - my bro was killed in a car accident last year and looking back on all the crap arguments and petty squablings made us all think how much energy we wasted over nothing .... really its all nothing in the big picture.

 

[Mrs I]

How about getting a garbage bin and anything you find of his whether it be dishes clothes etc lying around the house you put it in the bin, BUT you keep the bin in his room so he has to deal with it, and when he comes looking for something you can say go check the bin.

I dont think the shower should be an issue, nor the board (but dont access his account) but certainly being lazy should.

My mum used the bin method on my sister her room stank within days, needless to say she is now one of the most cleanest people in her own home.

 

[Chris1]

i need a shower to wake up too,...so i totally understand where ur son is coming from,..

especially with hours as nutty as bakers have to work and in this freezing weather,...

i second the ear plugs call,...the guys making a very commendable effort with the job hes taken on!!

 

[Fireflyshuffle]

Mrs l.. i had that.. my mum kept asking me to clean up my room,, i kept ignoring it, so she brought the otto bin in lifted the lid and said start filling!!!no joke she made me throw nearly everything!she said you cant put it away or look after your stuff, we will throw it!and thats what she did.. it hurt so bad as a kid and i recommend you DONT DO IT!kids are kids!! for gods sake let him grow into a normal human! your restricting him from the normal things in life!like getting up for work!mum made me pay board as soon as i got a job!(15) and i left in yr 10 so as soon as i left school, my board went up!to $40.. not much but its part of being responsible.. i agree every child should learn responsibility of money(especially if your a single parent, which my mum was all my life)BUT there is a boundry.. and as far as i think, you have crossed it as a mother.. how can you winge about a stupid shower?maybe think about the ear plugs if it kills you that much.. i understand you have work and life too.. but you brought him up right?well you have to accept he needs a life, and thats work!
if you came home and found half your house missing, thats when you should be freaking.. my brother is a scumbag. plenty of kids doing worse things than waking you up with a shower

 

[salebrosus]

I figure your the parent he's the kid. Your house your rules.

 

[Jewly]

And you wonder why you have a hard time with him.

Actually, Zac woke up just before I left for work and we did discuss it and as I expected he didn't have a problem with paying board or me taking it out of his account.. He has previously given me his bank details so I can transfer money into my account because he doesn't know how to do it and he trusts me to do the right thing by him. I just wanted to take it out of his account before he could spend it, cause he doesn't keep track of his spending and wouldn't know how much he has left in there.

firstly.. you may consider day/night to be normal but without it, your world goes upside down...

Side matter.... don't take board off him, make him give it to you (it feels worse and is more realistic) and more than $25.... avg rent is more like $100 and i spend at least that again in food/bills, at least make board representative of life without you.

Incidently, he is an apprentice baker? or just works there... if its just a dead end job, ship him off to boarding school... they'll make him learn and he'll shower when they say!

I understand that night work is a necessary part of life but laws are made to cater to the majority and the majority of people sleep during night time hours. If you find it so hard working at night, I'm sure there are plenty of jobs out there where you could work during the day.

At the moment I'm only charging him $25 because I'm still receiving family payment from Centrelink for him and I don't need the extra money. It's just until the beginning of October cause when he turns 16 I lose that so I will be making him pay more board.

He's only working there casually but from what he's said there is a chance that he could be put on as an apprentice baker.

Stealing? Well make a flyer and give it to the shops with his photo on it "this is my son, he has a habit of stealing things like XYZ so check his pockets before he leaves" shame him into stopping.

That is actually a great idea. I'll tell him that I will do that if I ever find out about him stealing again and hopefully that will be enough to stop him cause he knows I follow through with things I say.

 

[Forensick]

I understand that night work is a necessary part of life but laws are made to cater to the majority and the majority of people sleep during night time hours. If you find it so hard working at night, I'm sure there are plenty of jobs out there where you could work during the day.

At the moment I'm only charging him $25 because I'm still receiving family payment from Centrelink for him and I don't need the extra money. It's just until the beginning of October cause when he turns 16 I lose that so I will be making him pay more board.

He's only working there casually but from what he's said there is a chance that he could be put on as an apprentice baker.

"chance"
hmmmmm, don't trust the place just to string him along as cheap labour.... if he wants to be a baker, send him down to a tafe, and call the apprenticeship board to set him up...
don't wait for them....

 

[Jewly]

I think it's more a case of them letting Zac decide whether he wants to be a baker or not, because all along he's wanted to be a chef and has never really been interested in being a baker. He is enjoying the job so far though and he likes the people he works for so he might change his mind about becoming a baker.

 

[=bECS=]

he works in a food industry, he should shower BEFORE work, not before bed... i have worked in resturants that have it in the contract!

What more needs to be said!
What Forensick said is pretty much it in a nutshell.