Yeah- all those deadbeats that want to see a photo or request further information- it is just so disrespectful. Especially those people who are asking for a ballpark figure when the breeder doesnt supply one because they are feeling out the idiots and hoping to inflate their price or nail one of the gullible members- man- can't you buyers just pay whatever the breeder tells you is right without sending out incoherent single-line picture requests, because you may be extremely busy juggling your work commitments or kids or home duties.
You buyers need to help the breeders get closure for their efforts in attaching a j-peg image to an email- they have toiled hard and not supplied that picture or price for moral reasons and becasue they too are busy struggling to make ends meet- and here you are just asking questions and not even thanking them for such brilliantly mind-draining efforts.
How dare you irritating buyers not learn the art of convincing the seller that you are serious- have you not read the rule book on sending your hard earned cash on a sight-unseen product? You need to show that seller that it is not all about the money- even though there is no price tag and no aesthetic justification for the high price you are querying.
COME ON GUYS- RETAIL 101 !!!!!!!
Can't you see that by opening up an intelligent dialogue with the buyer, you forge a lifelong relationship. You will have a friend for life who will rush out and get that export licence- send you your snake with lightning speed and do weekly follow ups to ensure your new family member is settling in. You disgusting buyers have to see that a breeder older than 33 is probably not well versed in text message replies- it is an entirely different language and requires a seperate skillset outside of the realms of English translation- your breeder needs full well-constructed sentences with an intoroduction, a beefy middle part and an ending that gives him or her the closure he needs to continue providing the herp world with high quality animals in a selfless act of kindness for your benefit. Not to mention punctuation and clearly seperated paragraphs.
So from now on- please use the following template for requesting more information. I have provided it for your use out of the goodness of my heart- please PM me to thank me once you have read it and do not request any further information via email without first introducing yourself and proving you are a legitimate snake admirer.
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Hi there,
I am very interested in your listing for the (breed) you have listed on the forum here.
Lovely day isn't it ? I have a sufficiently equipped bank balance with (Bank name) to pay for the snake to which I am referring. I am very interested in it also. In fact you could say that I am genuinely a fan of (breed) and always have been since (year).
Of course, i will require a photo of the snake outlined in the above introduction if you could oblige with a moment of your time. Oh, pardon me, where are my manners ?
My name is Tone and i will be guiding you through this application for more information. I am an Aries and enjoy walks in the park; I like hot Milo when it's cold and cold Milo when it's hot. I have always liked snakes since watching Snakes on a Plane ironically whilst on a plane flight to Iran. oh that Samuel L Jackson is a scoundrel !
I see that you have the letters "EOI" in place of a price, does this mean that your snake is Easy On the I's, or am I to insert my own price in this section? If not, I am more than happy to pay whatever you tell me your snake is worth; after all- you are more knowledgable and virile than me, and I would hate you to think I was taking advantage of your kindness in offering this snake for sale.
This exchange of snake and money is certainly not about the cost- of course we both have the snake's best interests at heart, don't we ? I will just send you a blank cheque that you can write EOI in until you decide what you deserve.
I am also happy to pay for the export licence you require by law to supply me with. If you have a car for sale, please let me know as I am more than happy to also pay for the Roadworthy Certificate which is by law your responsibility when selling it. I think this is only fair as I would hate you to be out of pocket, and, (insert Deity) forbid, you be forced to sell one of your lovely animals at cost price just to recoup the money to feed your family.
Hopefully by now you are convinced that I am a legitimate snake lover and not just a person who likes to punch wheels, as they say in the biz. I would love to see some stunning photographs of your snake; if you could send me (insert number) with your snake in a casual pose- maybe looking away from the camera as if not interested; or even a slightly out of focus pic with the snake at a bus stop or dining with friends- that would be fantastic and of course all pictures will remain your property. I will be sure to send a letter of thanks once I receive that email and view the attachments you have so kindly donated to my inbox.
If you do not hear from me within (insert single digit number) days of sending me your detailed reply- please notify the authorities- clearly if I do not reply with instant gratification, something terrible has happened to me- perhaps a family member has passed or I have been kidnapped by (insert nationality) crime gangs and left tied up with noone to feed my Jacky. It certanly is not because you have sent me an extortionate price because you though my post count was indicative of my experience, or that your one word reply offended me in any way.
I look forward 2 hearing from U.
My apologies if my shorthand just offended you in the previous sentence- it is just that I own a (brand of phone) mobile phone and sometimes my friends and I like to use it to communicate via an "SMS"; it is a novel concept that has been used for 15 years; however there is generally a character limit which necessitates occasionally the abbreviated form of words and concepts. If this style of message is beyond your understanding I can send you a link to some sites that can aid you in recovering the lost information.
I am very interested in this transaction and look forward to a life-long relationship with you as my breeder, and a lifetime of advice, support and post-service follow up enquiries. Your husbandry practices are of no consequnce to me, so I have not referred to the animal's history in any way as clearly with such a detailed advertisement which you provided at no cost and with limited information, you are spending the time you saved tending to your flock. Just knowing the snake has been spending the days with you is comfort enough.
Kind Regards
(insert your full name)
XoX (any configuration of kisses and cuddles is fine)
