Single herpers

[Mudimans]

I do like kiwi jokes

 

[Guest]

Lol! that one cracked me up :lol:

 

[DanTheMan]

Spoken like a true New Zealander!!!!


(I dont think Ive ever laughed so hard in my life after reading that)

Haha, I must admit, I had a good chuckle righting that too!

I do like kiwi jokes

As do I! Keep them coming!

 

[DanTheMan]

A major earthquake, measuring 9.1 on the Richter scale has hit New Zealand this morning. The country is devastated with 350,000 New Zealanders missing, and over 100,000 injured.
The country is totally ruined and the government is so overwhelmed that it has issued a worldwide appeal for assistance. Other nations have been quick to respond to the disaster.
Britain is flying in rescue workers and sniffer dogs to help locate trapped victims.
The USA is flying in food supplies and aid money.
France is flying in doctors, nurses and first aid units.
Japan is flying in high tech communications equipment.
Germany is flying in special trained police squads to help restore order.
Russia is flying in tents and warm clothing.
Australia is flying in 350,000 replacement Kiwis.......

 

[Guest]

 

[DanTheMan]

A tour bus full of tourists stops by a kiwi farmer holding a sheep. One of them calls out "are you shearing?"
The farmer yells back, in an unhappy tone 'NO, **** off and get your own!'

 

[Guest]

How do Kiwi's find Sheep in long grass?

............ Delightful!​

 

[Guest]

A Kiwi walks into a Sydney unemployment office.
He marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi! I want to apply for the dole, I hate being on welfare and I'd much rather have a job but I have looked everywhere and just can't find any."
The clerk behind the Centrelink desk says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who needs a chauffeur/bodyguard for his two twin 21 year old nymphomaniac daughters. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. You'll have a three-bedroom apartment above the garage. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort his daughters on their frequent overseas holidays to Tahiti and the Bahamas. The starting salary is $250,000 a year".
The Kiwi says, "No way mate, you gotta be bullshitting me!"
The Centrelink officer says, "Yeah, well, you started it".

 

[Tuatara]

ha ha ha what the hell??

 

[-Matt-]

A Kiwi walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies:
"I think you'll find that's not a pig but a sheep, you idiot."

The man says: " Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

 

[DanTheMan]

Haha, yeap, were all getting our jokes from the same website!!

 

[DanTheMan]

A Kiwi walks into a Sydney unemployment office.
He marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi! I want to apply for the dole, I hate being on welfare and I'd much rather have a job but I have looked everywhere and just can't find any."
The clerk behind the Centrelink desk says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who needs a chauffeur/bodyguard for his two twin 21 year old nymphomaniac daughters. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. You'll have a three-bedroom apartment above the garage. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort his daughters on their frequent overseas holidays to Tahiti and the Bahamas. The starting salary is $250,000 a year".
The Kiwi says, "No way mate, you gotta be bullshitting me!"
The Centrelink officer says, "Yeah, well, you started it".

Haha, I know the original to that joke, but I won't post it on here...

 

[Mudimans]

I think we all found the same website
Dan beat me this time............................................... and i liked it

 

[DanTheMan]

Yea, definitely the same one! 1st page on google, "kiwi jokes"

 

[Mudimans]

I wanted to post the pic of the kangaroo and sheep but thought i might get an infraction

 

[-Matt-]

Haha, I know the original to that joke, but I won't post it on here...

Same here, and the original is a lot more true to life! :shock:

Yep I think we know all the jokes now seeing were getting them from the same place lol

 

[Guest]

Hahaha I was going to post the pic of that roo but thought id get in trouble so im glad I didnt have too

 

[Guest]

Hahahah great minds think alike muddy boobs
but mines just a bit slower

 

[-Matt-]

Haha everyone was too scared to post the roo pic!

 

[DanTheMan]

Same here, and the original is a lot more true to life! :shock:
l

Yea! I think we'll save them for around the camp fire in the red sandy desert surrounded by herps (is everyone else jealous? Thought so, although may be a bit hot for a fire...)